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Reply With QuoteSounds like he has communication issues. Until he learns how to do that, unfortunately, nothing will be solved.
Have you considered couples counseling?
Dealing with Porn - it's a fine line
I have other things that bother me so I don't mention the porn since that is one of the things I decide to see as "the small stuff" compared to our other issues. I am here to vent and complain - I really don't like the type of porn or how much he watches it. He watches porn like hard anal, mistress, milking (uck), a woman milking her man and worst of all that offends me most of all is he looks at porn of very very LARGE women (another uck). He buys me a netbook and uses it (which is fine) but OMFG we don't even have it a week and there is close to 20 different searches he went to under a porn site. It does bother me. The only reason I can deal with it a little better is after reading post on here and hearing opinions him watching porn does not always mean he is unhappy with our sex and some men have said it's not too "replace" their women. Still I DO NOT like it. When he starts searching for women that I look nothing like then I do start to feel jealous or I believe he is looking for something else. My feelings are hurt on this one but in most situations my feelings getting hurt don't matter, when I bring something to him that bothers me he just sees it as me complaining and he turns completely off.
Sounds like he has communication issues. Until he learns how to do that, unfortunately, nothing will be solved.
Have you considered couples counseling?
I agree. When you get down to it porn is not a problem only if, it's not a problem for you. Obviously this is a problem. You aren't jumping up and down and demanding he never so much as glance at another woman. There needs to be respect on both sides. Sourpuss is right you need to communicate, be heard and get a reasonable compromise or understanding worked out.
Do you feel this is affecting your sex life?
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Sounds like you have other issues you need to sort out agree conselling or mediation could help. Sit down and work it through.
On a practical note change the settings on your laptop to either password it so he can't use it or so it does not record internet history.
A lot of guys will not look at porn that looks like their SO because porn is not love and don't want to think of their SO performing 'those' acts. As they are not the sorts of things they want from their loved one.
I understand you being upset by the porn. I completely get the reasons why some people say porn IS okay, but for me personally, it's just not. And in past relationships it's made me VERY unhappy, without fail.
If you don't communicate your concerns (about porn and others) with him, they will just continue to build and eat away inside of you.
And if this is a man with whom you cannot communicate in the first place, I'd suggest reconsidering the relationship..!
Your going to start going your separate ways soon if you can't work things out, he's shutting you out more and more and basically not accepting any of your wishes, in compromise, rather, reverting to you are nagging, or clingy, or wrong, or jealous or something.
Does he still go out 3 x's a week?
You really have to be calm and talk calmly and say we really need to fix these problems and I'm prepared to compromise but I want some form of understanding as well as to why with somethings so I can actually understand... This is a serious talk and one we need, for us and for our children.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Like everybody said, you should discuss this with him so that you can both understand each other's feelings and see up to what level you need to compromise. I don't see how systematic porn watching can be considered OK in a relationship, no matter how good the sex is. As that's either an addiction or a reaction to the lack of something. Discuss this with him, ask him why is it always this kind of porn he watches and if he'd want to try it. You have to be patient and not react to whatever he says, as it is difficult for him to open up about it. I've found that the best approach is to be as patient you would be as if you would ask a child: let him talk and don't make him feel odd or strange about what he likes, even if you think so. If you react right away he will feel embarrassed and guilty and never open up again (he'll just keep watching in secret).
Discuss all your problems with him and explain that you're not after an argument, but there are moments when he behaves in such a way that he hurts your feelings.
Thank you for the responses. Yes we do have communication issues. As far as him going out - no he does not do that at all, we have came along way with that issue. He and I go out as often as we can and have fun or if he does go out he is very explanatory about where he is going and even sort of asks me if it's okay and I have went out a fe times. Yes we have issues and no way do I want to ignore them - but at the same time we get along great, take care of the kids together, laugh together, pay bills together, holidays together. I love him so much and I know he feels the same way to about me, we really bond and support each other. After awhile I wasn't as bothered by the porn, the history of porn was on one day, not multiple days. The kind of porn in which he watches I don't like, mainly the very fat girls...that's just weird.
Not ignoring the problem but I am carrying on and enjoying each day with him. We have our ups and downs and right now we have both been so in to each other, very attractive to each other and we have been having sex very often, we joke saying round 4 tonight. I love him so much.
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