My husband confessed to having an affair

**AAA** · 12-15-2009 01:25 AM

My husband confessed to having an affair, with my cousin. I knew it in my heart, and a couple of times told him so, and he kept on telling me that it was my imagination.

Well last night, he decided to tell me, because she has been blackmailing him, and he says he doesn't want me to leave him, and he is scared that if i found it out from someone else, i might.

What do I do, how do I stop thinking about it, and how do I decide what is best for me and the kids.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-15-2009 01:57 AM

AAA, welcome to the Forum.

The cold facts is, he "only" told you because she threatened to tell you...

This is your blood.. So, firstly have no dealings with her every again... That's not on..

Secondly, consider that he told you only because he was about to be caught out, he had NO CHOICE.

Forget your children what does your heart say?

Has he been a great husband, lost his way, things have been a bit tired, not as much love and attention to each other, can you fix it, did he only say that was the reason, if so he may do it again if you forgive.

Remorse... If there is no remorse and it was only because he thought he was going to get caught, that's disrespect big time.

Tell us a bit more about you two, marriage, how old the children are, how you guys have been over the past two years, but my first thought is he only told you for a reason.

That sucks.

CW

**AAA** · 12-15-2009 02:09 AM

Hi

I had a daughter when we met, didn't knew each other that long before we got married, we then had a second child, he adopted my first.

Our relationship was good, not great, but good, it has it ups and downs, but most of them was caused by her telling him lies, saying i said bad stuff about him etc.. so a couple of months ago, i chased her out of our lifes and our house.

He does seem sorry, but now I doubt that there is no others.

I am just so broken, he can't touch me, cause i dont' want him to.

Our kids are now 4 and 2, apperently this happend when the baby was 4 months old, we didn't rally had a sexlife then, his choice, cause I breastfed, and his excuse was always that he was scared i would leak.

The time it started we did go through a rough patch, he says it only lasted two months, she says it iwas longer, he says he stopped it, she says she stopped it, she is liar and a trouble maker, however how do i know who is lying now.

He keeps on saying that he is sorry and that he loves me and that he hopes i don't leave him.

He doesn't really say why he did it, i was so upset when he told me, i didn't even got angry with him, i am still not angry with him, but i know the reality will sill set it, and then it will most probably gets worse.

I am going to see my pastor tonight, i need some guidance, i would like to know what is right and what is wrong, he knows i am going, and he didn't even ask if i wanted him to come along.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-15-2009 02:24 AM

Sweetheart ask him? Why did you do it?

Look women can be calculated and want to beat you, my cousin hates my guts

But, he did tell you because she threatened.

his choice, cause I breastfed, and his excuse was always that he was scared i would leak.

That's only in your boobs nothing to do with our other beautiful parts.

If you hadn't been together long before you got pregnant like a couple of months is that what you are saying? Then he married you for the reason of giving your child a name that's a plus is it not?

But, it sounds like you two haven't actually "connected" that you got pregnant had a child and have been trying to be together, instead of loving each other and understanding each other and that he was manipulated by your Cousin, that's evil sorry again, she is blood, regardless if it was 2 months or 6 months or 12 months, it's not neccessary to establish how long where she is concerned, she is blood..

She may have found him attractive, she may have thought pfttt, you two got together because you got pregnant but she is dissing you.

What you have to work out is whether he is only wanting to stay for your child together, you two may not have connected like I said.. It's only new after all.

How has he been over this time with you and your child? With you more so...

**AAA** · 12-15-2009 02:33 AM

My first child is not his, she was a baby when I met him, she came from an old relationship. He chose to adopt her.

We were married for 3 months when I fell pregnant, so he did love me, it wasn't for the child, he had not duty towards her.

I've thought of us, most of the times as happy, we are both stubbourn and quick tempered, but we use to laugh a lot.

We knew each other six months when we decided to get married, and we were engaged for 3 months before we got married. Both of us felt from pretty soon in the relationship that we wanted to spent the rest of our lives together that is why we got married so soon.

He has just reminded me that I do not believe in divorce, but he has forgotten that I've always said if you cheat me or hit me, i will divorce you. It is so ironic, his sister just broke up with her baby's dad, cause he cheated on her, and his mother and stepdad is getting a divorce, cause his stepdad cheated, i told his dad two weeks ago, what i think of him, and that he would've never cheated if he loved his wife, now i am sitting in the same boat, how can 3 woman in one family have so much pain at one go.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-15-2009 02:39 AM

Runs in the family? lol's... No seriously, the makeup is there... But your not saying anything about YOUR cousin, surely you feel that she is 50% at least to blame?

How old are you both sweet?

**AAA** · 12-15-2009 02:45 AM

He is 35, I am 33, and she is 26.

I blame her for much more than that, I dont' like to say to much about people I hate, she really really disgusts me. And I am not done with her yet, still deciding if i am telling her mom, cause even her mom accused me of being insecure and now blaming her poor daugher, i had a wobbly cause she bought him and expensive birthday gift, or if i am going to slap her with a laywers letter.

I phoned her last night, she can even remember the date of the first time, so obviously it is like an anneversary to her, first she denied, until i told her he told me himself, so she hung up on me, then after threatening to tell her mom she phoned me back. she then told me that he always bad mouths me, etc, and promissed to sent me the emails to prove so, well i am still waiting.

She is big and fat, and her boobs are always hanging out, and her pants are to small..

Now that feels better saying it about her.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-15-2009 03:00 AM

Lol's...

Oh sweet, well that's good that your seeing "both sides".. not one sided.

Who knows, denial is "guilt", when you said he told you, you shocked her.. She rang back, then came up with her "OWN denial"..

This is way messy and way horrid and I'm sorry,.

Let's store your anger for a bit ok.. You came here for a reason, let's get all people's thoughts...

Then take what you want from that and decide.

Personally, it's "he said, she said" but she was hooked, she was in "lust" she remembers the first date, ask him the date?

She off course does not want the family to find out.

And came up with something but you know? She said " I will send you the emails" she either is going to save face with you/her family or him as I think she is in love with him and I think, that being the case, this is going to be hard to establish the truth so the more that reply, the more we can pick things up, I'm thinking and the more we can give you some thoughts. "Opinions"....

Non judgemental.

Forget what she looks like, she sounds as if she has low self esteme, can't find a man, draws on anyone who therefore, pays attention... So there could be some blame there on you husband, "especially if she hangs herself out"... She needs to feel wanted... He's played a role in my opinion and is now backing out a bit, to try to cover... he did wrong...

Now, it seems to me you are now suggesting he told you but she "didn't" know?

She threated him then that she would tell you

**AAA** · 12-15-2009 03:57 AM

You pretty much got it pinned down, but now she told her mom and sister, and then told me my grandmother is upset iwth me, so i phoned her, and she says she isn't then started complaining that i fight to much with my cousin, so i told her the truth about it.

Needless to say, I lost a grandmother today as well, as I know she doens't believe me, she said so, and she has always always favoured my cousin, since childhood.

This is just so messy and ugly, I feel ashamed, i am angry i am dissapointed and hurt.

Yip I found a place to vent, where no one knows me, and hopefully to get some advice from other people.

I set up my account wrong, i stay in South Africa, but i don'[t know how to fix it.

**AAA** · 12-15-2009 03:59 AM

o forgot to say, he doens't remember the day, he said he just wanted to forget about it.

She has it all written down, obviuosly not neceserrialy the truth, her version, but just the idea, that someone else writing about her sexlife with my husband, is really not good for me.

She said he told her he loved her, he says he never did.

I honestly don't know what to believe anymore, if he hadn't confessed I still would've chosen to believe him, however right now, i believe very little he says.