I'm confused about how to react to being hit by my husband!?!

**deepgrl** · 12-20-2009 08:08 AM

My husband and I fight pretty loud sometimes. I have slapped him a few times in the past year oh and thrown things in his general direction. He has pushed me out of the way so he can leave the room. But last night we were yelling and he was lying in bed. I was sitting at the end of the bed. We were going back and forth and getting more worked up. I am currently very emotional and sleep deprived as I have a 17 month old and a 2 month old; and he knows that I get little rest while he gets plenty. But anyway, he suddenly gets out of bed and in the process hits me in my face. I was shocked and blood just gushed out of my noes. I have a black eye, swollen lip and noes, and my head in general is hurting enough for me to take tylonel. He of course is sorry and I was crying and saying it was my fault and I wouldn't bug him again. But as he's saying sorry, he is also saying things like it's that he was pushed past his breaking point and he doesn't know what his hand was doing as he was getting out of bed.....
I keep thinking I just provoked him and it was mostly my fault. But I also think a man has no right to hit a women, he should just walk away .... but I've slapped him before!.....
All I've said to him is apologies and telling him it was my fault.....I feel kind of scared to voice that he shouldn't have hit me........... WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO HIM??????!!!!!!!!!!!??????????

**Futureboy** · 12-20-2009 08:24 AM

You are both under a great deal of stress. Initially I was going to say pack your bags and leave. However if you assaulted him and then he you I am not so sure.

You both need to work through your anger very quickly before this escalates. You need professional help, now.

**WildChild** · 12-20-2009 08:28 AM

The two of you have some serious issues and they are likely to escalate unless you do something about it. It is NEVER acceptable to hit. That includes slapping. Throwing things is also out. It does sound like you may push things too far but no one EVER MAKES someone hit them. It is a choice and both of you need to understand that it is the Wrong choice.

You have options, if you have insurance see about marriage counseling, if not contact your county mental health department and talk to them. They have intervention programs. Understand that you are better off doing this yourself, voluntarily, because when (and it will reach this point) one of your neighbors calls the police, at least one of you could end up in jail and your kids could be in the care of social services.

You two need to learn how to communicate appropriately and resolve conflict without resorting to violence. You have to do this so that at the very least you don't end up abusing your children!

**Hopeless Dork** · 12-20-2009 11:15 AM

I think whatever you say it doesn't mean you deserve to be hit. And along that line of logic, whatever HE says he doesn't deserve to be slapped or have things thrown at him either. You both are in desperate need of some counseling before this situation escalates, your children grow and witness this... and become affected.

Do not think its your fault. People should be safe from violence from the one they love no matter how mad they may get, or how much they provoke. That being said, you have to be able to realize though a slap doesn't hurt as much as a punch... its still violence and you have to get that under control too.

I hope for the sake of your marriage and your children you both seek counseling or come to some kind of agreement that violence will not take place in your relationship, not towards you , not towards him.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-20-2009 02:16 PM

Stress can play very hard on our lives, but it should cease at "verbal", even that needs toning down, because we say things we don't mean.

Throwing things, slapping, him hitting you, is beyond verbal which is probably where you two started which has escalated.

You need to sit down and work out "what" is getting you both to this point, which eventually will be one of no return and work together on it, if you need more sleep, he has to help you to give you, "you time", if he needs more understanding instead of constant, picking on him, then you need to bight your lip before you speak and ask yourself if it's just temper coming out and therefore, can it be said in a better way where a result can occur.

At this point, you both need Anger management classes, to curb your tempers. I hope that you can both be Adults and admit your both at fault, but a man should never ever, hit a woman as if she is another man, black eyes and blood noses is not a slap.

Take a little space from each other, then sit down constructively and talk about this as Adults, but you have to get this anger, both of you under control, your children can notice anger and pain, hurt and hear words spoken, and you don't want them involved in this.

CW

**kira** · 12-20-2009 03:49 PM

If a guy hit me I'd be gone. No second chance. However you hit first. You started this behavior and your actions are no better than his. Plus you have kids. What are they going through listening to you argue? What kind of future is it setting up for a baby to hear yelling all the time or for a young child to see one or both of their parents with bruises and blood from the other? This is not a good relationship. I really don't see why people bring children in to a relationship like this without improving it first. For the sake of everyone involved you both need some counseling and to learn some anger management as well as how to communicate better. There are lives at stake here along with everyone's happiness and if the neighbors start reporting things someone could end up in jail or your children could be removed from your home. If you can't work out how to live together without all the hostility and stress everyone involved would be better off if you lived apart.

**happy ending** · 12-20-2009 04:55 PM

i agree with the other posters and can you do something to help you deal more positively with your feelings of frustration and anger, as it sounds as you instigate a lot of your arguments. it is difficult dealing with small children and a family life, but it does not last for ever. have you got someone who can babysit, so you and your husband can spend some time alone to reconnect to get past the anger and frustration you are both feeling. good luck i hope everything works out.

**rcoreyus** · 12-20-2009 08:34 PM

You hit him. He hit you. Both REALLY bad. It doesn't matter who hit first - anyone who escalates a verbal argument into a physical one has a problem.

If either of you drink, stop now. You both need to get your anger under control - otherwise what happens when one of the kids does something really bad? Please, for the sake of your kids you both need to control yourselves.

**the wench** · 12-21-2009 05:03 AM

nobody should be hitting any1...having said that i guess theres certain circumstances where this does happen....try and talk through it and both apologise if this is what you mean and want and try and work through it, if you cant do this then its not worth staying together

**KMonte85** · 12-21-2009 06:53 AM

Professional help. NOW! That is the only chance you two have of working through this and staying together. You both need individual counciling to get a better grasp of your emotions and how to handle them - this may include anger management, and then you should also get marriage counciling to figure out how you two are going to continue on in your relationship in a healthy and happy manner.