getting a divorce/im hurting hes not

**yflo** · 12-23-2009 07:57 AM

i am getting a divorce. is it possible for a huge fight to happen and 8 weeks later he is over me. i wanted to work it out- and go seek marr couns and he said its over. all of our friends think he is going thru a mid life crisis. he never acted unhappy and he has somewhat of a split personality. he drinks alot and flirts heavy- may have cheated. he is also a strict jeh witness. i ask him for reasons why and he says he doesnt get what he needs from me- when the fight was all him being drunk and texting his friend (single male friend) about how envious he was of his life. i can move on, will and am but is it possible for him to be over me so soon. i am hurting everyday and just want to know if he still is lying to me by telling me hes fine.

he is also 38 and appare dating a 27 year old girl.

**rcoreyus** · 12-23-2009 12:11 PM

The fight may have been the symptom, not the cause. I think that when a relationship ends suddenly, there were often long term problems.

Sometimes ending a relationship is actually better for both parties - no matter how painful it is in the short term. I think a divorce is better than staying with someone who is not right for you.

Fault really isn't an issue - if everything is his fault, it still makes sense to end the relationship.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 12-23-2009 04:55 PM

I agree with Corey on this note:-

The fight may have been the symptom, not the cause. I think that when a relationship ends suddenly, there were often long term problems.

Concentrate on you, not him... If he has parted ways and is with another woman, and he drinks as much as you state, she won't like that either and will create an arguement eventually herself.

This is his struggle that he has to fight and ask himself why.

For now, you need to understand who you are and what you are worth and even re-assess honestly what you perhaps may have done differently from the past and walk towards your future.

CW

**Sprite** · 12-23-2009 10:07 PM

Maybe he didn't actually love you in the first place...he may have thought he did, but only now sees that a married life is not for him.

Hope you are doing okay

**WildChild** · 12-23-2009 10:20 PM

You need to get over thinking that he is a strict Jehovah's Witness. They prohibit adultry, premarital sexm homosexualitym drug use, smoking or drinking to excess, in addition to prohibiting political or military involvement or socialising with non-witnesses.

His behavior is not that of someone who is a strict practioner.

**Missetm** · 12-23-2009 11:21 PM

I think you'll find in the long run this is better than living in a marriage like yours. Let him go, move on and trust there is someone better out there for you.

**somiserable** · 12-28-2009 01:53 PM

I am going through the same as you but the other way around, I'm not hurting (or at least half as much as I thought I would), he is but only slightly. I think there comes a time when you realise that your relationship has run its course and isnt going to change, did he treat you badly? They may treat anyone new that they get like a princess for a few months, but you cannot change the person inside, it will come out to the new girlfriend/boyfriend eventually. Remember.... you cant go back to the start and have a new beginning, but you can start today and make a new end, time heals my friend, be strong.....

**Shurm** · 12-30-2009 11:58 AM

I am in the same boat as you. My husband has been gone almost 4 months and I haven't heard from or seen him in two months. He pretty much did the same thing. We had a fight and he walked. Said there was nothing I could do to change his mind. I ask myself the same question as you are. Unfortunately, I don't think we will ever know the reason.

I know that this forum has helped me a ton. Most days I am OK. When I'm not, I come here.

I know what it's like to hurt everyday and I am so very sorry you are going through this. I do think it's best to try not to think about them. Like every time a thought comes into your mind, try to replace that thought with something else.

Sorry, I am not much help other than knowing exactly how you feel. Take care!

**Marie36** · 12-30-2009 12:10 PM

I'm sorry to hear you are hurting so much. I'm not going through a divorce, but if you read my other post, you'll see that I was in a similar situation a couple years ago and almost ended went through one. I was completely devastated when I found out my husband was cheating on me and considering ending our marriage. It was a feeling of despair like none other....a grievance. But trust me when I say you will get past this. Focus on you and making a better life for yourself. While I am over my husband's affair, there are other things that I am struggling with as a result of me NOT getting a divorce. I'm starting to regret that decision now. Judging by what you have said on here, I think you will be happy this marriage is over in the long run. And I agree with wildchild.....he's not a strict Jehova Witness by any means or this wouldn't even be an issue right now. Again, I'm so sorry you're hurting.

**somiserable** · 12-31-2009 12:37 AM

Marie, you are right, I took my husband back and regretted it three months later, now I am filing for divorce, there are sometimes just too many issues to work through that just wont change, I didnt want the legacy I left to be one of "how stupid was she to have took him back and lived a life of misery for so long"