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Thread: Husband gets drunk and says he loves another woman

  1. #1
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    Default Husband gets drunk and says he loves another woman


    Almost every weekend my husband will get drunk and tell me he loves me how lucky he is and that he can't wait for me to have our baby, I am currently 7 months pregnant. Then after a few more drink, 2 hours or so later, he tells me how he loves this other girl and always will. The same girl he is talking about when he is sober he says shes a addict of prescription pills and does drugs and he could never love someone like that.

    Just last night he got drunk and said he tried to sleep with her on several occasions and she was the one to say no because she had been married before and knows how that feels. This is really breaking my heart to here him say this so often. He even told me the reason he requested orders to come overseas is so he wouldnt be any where near her and that I should be grateful for that.

    We have been married 11 years so it's not that easy to just throw in the towel and now that I am pregnant things have changed a lot. Things are no longer about me but the baby and I swore I would never bring up a child in a broken home because I saw what it did to my neices and nephews and my students. Right now I am hurt, confused and down right pissed that he could treat me this way while pregnant.

    Of course if anyone has experience with this he alway says he doesn't remember and basically that I am lying to make him feel bad. I have tried to video tape him doing these things to show him, but most of the time we arent home when he says these things.

    Any input, suggestions or ideas would be greatly appreciated!

  2. #2
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    To start with he needs to drink a lot less. I don't know if what he is saying when he is drunk is true or fantasy.

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    When you made a promise not to bring a child into a broken home.... I hope you realized that a broken home can exsist where both parents reside in the same house. Kids can grow up with just as much stress (and even more stress) in a home with parents that don't love each other than they can with divorced parents.

    I am not suggesting you divorce your husband, I'm suggesting that you consider the possibility of not only your own happiness but the happiness of your child growing up in a home where you are hurting and your husband is distant.

    I can't fathom why he would tell you these things. Honesty is great, but to tell you how he's smitten with other women than his wife during your most vulnerable time speaks volumes of his character and not in a good way.

    If the problem ONLY occurs when he is drunk.... my suggestion would be he quit drinking. I've always been told, though, that a drunk man speaks a sober mind. Some people however just speak nonsense when drunk. Alcohol is liquid courage to a lot of people though and things he may say when drunk are things he feels he can safely say and get off his chest and blame it on the al al al al al alchohol later. Its working so far.

    I know you love him, I know you have a lot invested and a baby on the way, I think you guys may need to focus on getting him some help for his drinking and see if that doesn't help?
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

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    WTF........don't mean to be rude, but c'mon. I too say that your husband needs to drink less or give it up! One day he is going to end up going to bed with some chick that will take his offer. If it were my husband I tell him to knock that off or else. That's just down right horrible what your husband is doing. Why does he get drunk so often? What is his reason for getting drunk? I can understand social drinking, but getting drunk and saying those things. I have a feeling that he already has been unfaithful to you. You said he has requested orders to come overseas. Does that mean he has been gone for a while?

  5. #5
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    I spent 2 years with a guy who would have been a whole lot better off if his mother hadn't been around. I would have been better off without a stepfather. I can name people who had good homes with step parents. Some had better step parents than biological parents. It's the quality of the parents and how they get along not whether they just exist that makes a good or bad home.

    I'm wondering about the fact he says your lying and your need to video tape him. Drinking a little too much is not so great, saying things like that while drunk is a little worse, but the lack of trust and communication those comments show concerns me more than either. Until that paragraph I would have just said the same thing as everyone else. Drink less. Sometimes the less logical part of our brain will try to pursue things that the logical part knows is a very bad idea. At one time some part of you can have feelings for someone that later you know will not work and you really could not make a life with or keep up those feelings. Getting drunk kind of turns off that thought process. Some people also say thinks that really aren't true when drunk. Their imagination shows through a bit. If he's fine other times I'd just say talk to him about his drinking. If you have a good relationship it should not be a problem having that discussion. That little bit I commented on and the fact you are posting here instead of doing that though makes me think there might be more to this.

  6. #6
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    Kira you are right that there have been other issues. The main reason we decided together to come overseas for 3 years was to try to get away from those things. When he deployed and came back is when a majority of our issues started and we did counseling for a while and that worked out really well, but there are still things that I am not willing to raise a baby around. His family and friends, people that have known him for years keep telling me this is the thing that he needs to turn his life around. I know it is wishful thinking, but I feel like he does deserve a chance to be a good father and possibly treat me better. We did have a long talk about him saying those things, he of course still drinks but next time he says something so hurtful drunk or not I am going to be finding a friend to bunk with for a few days.

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    When I found out my husband had cheated on me, I started drinking heavily, (two bottles of wine a night), it was like looking through frosted glass all of the time, you can see things but not clearly, I stopped and boy what a difference it made, I am now divorcing him and feel better than I have in ages, drink makes you do and say some stupid things, however I don't think he should be mentioning other women in this way at all, being drunk just gives him an excuse to say it, he needs help!

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