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Reply With QuoteHow is your marriage and sex life otherwise?
Husband into teen porn
Ok, that title says a lot. This is my story...
I have only been married eight months, although have been with my husband for almost three years. I have two young girls from a previous marriage and one daughter with my current husband. My house is full of girls. This is why I'm disturbed. Please let me know if I'm overreacting. I am open to any and all thoughts.
I went to visit my mother for four days. When I returned, I was searching for a cookie recipe in Bing, and a link to F***book dating came up. For those of you who don't know (as I didn't) this is a "hook up" site for people who don't want commitment, just sex.
I looked some more. I found SEVERAL links to hardcore pornography sites. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not a prude, but this was ALL TEENAGE PORN. When I opened some of the links, I was met with children (they say they're all over 18, but are made up to look like 14-15 year olds, and probably are) in various sexual acts. Believe me, I did not dig much deeper.
I took my computer to a shop, and they uncovered many more links to pornography sites, again, all teenage. He admitted to this, saying that they looked "less made up." I found that even more disturbing, I guess because they thought they were natural, more appealing, they younger they were.
I guess, to me, curiousity is one or two sites. Not so many. Not so hardcore. Not all teenage. There is a fine line and he crossed it. I am nervious about my children being around him, and although I would hope he would never, ever do anything with my children, they will have friends and he's made it clear this gets him excited. I have to protect them, don't I?
What should I do? Please help me.
How is your marriage and sex life otherwise?
Well, we have blended family issues, but we usually get through them. I've had some trouble be accepted into his family (I'm his 3rd wife), but it has gotten better. He has a daughter the same age as my oldest and there is a lot of competition. His ex-wife causes problems, and I've found e-mails recently (snooped since porn found) suggesting that they are talking more and about more personal topics, other than about their daughter.
We have sex at least once a week. He'd like it more, but with kids, school, job, and responsibility, it just never works out for us. I think once a week is pretty good considering.
I just didn't know he was this unhappy.
Okay. The thing is that usually, typically, fantasies are just fantasies. And they're fantasies because even if you paid them, the people thinking them wouldn't actually want them to come true. Make sense?
Having said that, teen pornography is pretty taboo in our culture and definitely warrants a discussion between you and your husband.
Has he shown any signs that this fantasy might leak into real life? What do you mean by "he's made it clear that it gets him excited"? What gets him excited, the porn or the friends coming over?
I guess I worry that he will try to do/do something inappropriate with my daughters and/or daughters' friends when they get to be teenagers. It happened to my neighbor. She caught her husband with her daughter's friend, 15 years old. It is not implausible. i feel the need to protect them long before the instance could occur.
As for getting him excited, he only looked at/searched for pictures and videos of teenagers, so I assumed that is what does it for him. They all looked like babies. Seriously.
It could be a harmless, if very disturbing fantasy / fetish, and he may have no inclination to do anything with a real teenager. I think the great majority of people who have this sort of fantasy never act on it, and especially never do anything to harm actual children.
If he was looking at actual child porn (12 years old and younger) I would be a lot more worried.
People are bombarded with images of late teenagers presented as sex objects - even in mainstream advertising, its no surprise that some men develop this sort of fantasy.
OTOH, this is clearly bothering you and you shouldn't just ignore it. Maybe counselling?
If it turns out that he has this fetish, but has no desire to act on it, would that be OK with you?
How do I say this? I've been married for almost 25 years. At first I didn't think any thing of the porn. I thought it was normal. But let me also say I was sexually abuse by my step dad and other family members on his side. Sick - YES!
I have recently found that my husband is watching teen porn. I have a teenage daughter! Worried - upset - mad! YES! I told my husband a few years ago that the porn goes or he goes. He can't seem to stop or doesn't want to stop! The teen porn is a new thing. He hides what he is doing. Just a few days ago while he was gone I just thought I would check his computer. Well there it was! Now guess who is going to the lawyer ASAP and get his sorry out of my house and away from my kids. He almost lost his military retirement due to porn! He said we are animals and this is normal! Well this isn't normal! He has a problem and I'm tired of him not doing anything about and hiding it thinking if I don't see it - it's ok! It's NOT! I can't stand to even look at him!
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