Thread: is my husband watchin porn a bad thing?

I've just discovered my husband, who is a Christian, is looking at porn. When I asked him about it, he lied and said he didn't know what I was talking about or how those pictures got on his computer. The first pics I found weren't that bad, but I knew he was lying so I decided to go back and find them and confront him with the truth. I found a lot more than I bargained for. He said he was sorry and would stop. However, he asked me to help him download something and when I opened his download file, boy did I get an eye full. The previous pics were just women posing. This was porn. I was shocked and disgusted. I feel betrayed, angry and hurt, but I'm not sure why. Most likely because it is a form of cheating, fantasy or not. One thing I do know is that it is not because of you or anything you have done or due to how you look. Men who are going to look will look. Men who are going to cheat will cheat. If they didn't feel it was wrong, they wouldn't lie about it. I wish I could offer you some solid advice, but maybe it will help to know that other women feel about this like you do. Your feelings are your own and you have a right to them. I think knowing your husband is viewing it on the Internet is much more real than reading magazines like Playboy (not that I'm in favor of that). By using the Internet
they are bringing their urges right into your home and making it much more personal. It hurts and that alone makes it wrong for them to engage in this activity. I know they get off on it, otherwise they wouldn't look. Again, I don't think it has anything to do with their wives. It is something they are driven to do. I just read an article that stated how women are forced to be quiet and accept their husband's porn habit, making us the bad guys for wanting them to stop. That is exactly what is happening and that is so wrong. I hope you and your husband can come to an understanding and he will realize how much his looking at porn hurts you - that alone is a reason for him to stop. I find talking to my husband is like talking to a wall. He tunes me out or just starts making excuses or gets mad, so I wrote him how I felt in an email. That way, I was able to express my feelings in a calm, organized manner and say the things I needed and wanted to say without interruptions or dealing with lies and excuses. My letter did have an impact on him, although he didn't mention reading it until I finally brought it up. Then he said he was sorry and it was wrong and he wouldn't do it again. I would really like to believe him, but as of now, I don't. Maybe you can talk directly to your husband and he will listen, but if not, try writing him a letter telling him how you feel. Best of luck to you. Vickie

Has it been affecting your sex life? Has he been watching porn an not wanting to be intimate with you, or does he only watch when you are not available? To me this is a major difference. Different people have different sex drives. If he needs a lot more sex than you want, then porn is a reasonably harmless outlet - basically just a form of masturbation. On the other hand, if he is replacing you with porn, that is a really big problem.

On way to tell is to offer to be intimate with him any time he feels like watching porn - make it clear to him the choice he is making.