My first girlfriend would have claimed I didn't either, but just because you don't know about it doesn't mean it doesn't happen! And for the original poster, I can understand why this would upset you. But let me tell you my reason when I watch it is the excitement of watching other people have sex, when I may not have the nerve to see about watching in person. I don't like commercial stuff, prefer home made, real people, actual couples with chemistry. While I can't speak for your guy's claim that he watches it to watch it, I'm not even sure what that means. Does anybody watch porn just to watch it? No. We watch it to get turned on, see what you normally don't see every day. And then there are others that just want to watch women they have no shot at in real life. Or just women that make their own woman look so unattractive. The latter, I'm sure, is the fear that most women that don't like the idea of their man watching these movies share. But I feel safe in assuring you that no man watches such things just to see women hotter than their own. I'm sure some do, but why? Real women hardly ever look like those women do, and frankly, those women commonly in such films aren't that attractive to me in the first place. I know my girlfriend worries about my motivations behind watching them, on the rare occasion that I do. Probably for the same reason as you. But she actually likes watching porn herself, and has watched it with me. I am not sure what advice to give you. I would personally say just don't take it so personally, because it is not aimed at upsetting you or making you feel worthless. Until the day comes that he can't stop himself from watching, which may require addiction therapy, or the day that he chooses the movies over you, or if it ultimately ensures he cannot become aroused without it, I don't see it as anything to fight with him over.Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH
May I also just add a thought here: that masturbation can become an issue to couples that actually live together, it's hardly ever a problem when they don't as each has his/her own space.
I just wanted to add this, as people who haven't lived together with someone may find it hard to understand why it can be a problem, since it's not a problem to them even if they currently are in a relationship with someone.
HI
I came across this website, looking for help. I am engaged to be married in a few months from now and have only recently discoverd how much my firance' watches porn. I fisrt came across his movies while we were dating and well we were nothing seroius at the time so each to his own i suppose i was open minded aboout it but let him know I was not one of the people who were pro Porn. I even tried to watch a few with him to see what it was about, but he is in to the weared stuff, not assaidadmmck81
So no i could not get into it. Shortly after getting engaged I moved in and once i caught him on a Porn Site, while i was laying in bed waiting for him to finish "playing computer games". We had a blow out then and i explained what it made me feel like knowing that while i'm in bed he was going onto sites looking for that stuff. He seemed to understand and he said it's nothing big for him and he would leave that stuff, as i mattered more to him than Porn. Following this he out of his own went and broke all of his porn movies up and threw them away. I thought the matter was resolved.I don't like commercial stuff, prefer home made, real people, actual couples with chemistry
Recently i found out he was on a chat line, but the kind were guys but there Penis' as there profile pics and chicks have there legs spread open wide with nothing on. I cracked. It's one thing watching Porn but um..... Chatting online. In my mind this can only mean he has started with watching porn now he is chatting to Chicks who in my opinion do not have much self repect.... What next?
We had a massive fight and i asked him please to leave the site, knew more than he knew i knew, so there are still details i know that he lied to me about when i confronted him, however he left the site and said he would not do stuff like that again. I even offered to buy some more Movies and Mags and we keep it home so that if the feeling hits him to watch he can, this way i know about it and it's not behind my back this was me trying to compramise and meet him half way. To which he said no he will stop.
He still has not stopped call it womens intuishion, but his attitude changes towards me when he is watching the stuff or going on sites, i then am honest with him and tell him something is up what is he doing, watching again or on chat lines again and he swares to me he is doing nothing, yet when i look he is on sites again and subscribing to sites with live chats?!?
I love him but i am at my wits end- Clearly i need to be more open minded about this stuff and i am trying, but have spoken to him about this and said that in order for me to work on being more open minded about this stuff, he has gotta be honest with me. I know he is lying to my face over and over again. I KNOW I CAN'T TRUST HIM. And he says i'm wrong for not trusting him, Isn't he wrong for breaking it over and over again, and then expecting me to give him back my trust in the blink of an eye.
Sorry i have rambled alot but I don't know what to do or how to approach him. I need Help / Advise anything?
I am standing close to my wedding date and want this resolved before then. I need to enter our marrige on a better standing putting this issue to rest.
Trust me, I know, and they didn't.admmck81
but just because you don't know about it doesn't mean it doesn't happen!
But in context I agree with you, as to the reason is generally not related, curiosity at first, finding ways intreguing used, a sorce of stress relieve, anything relaly and as to if it doesn't affect your own sexual relationship than it's not that important to worry about.
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
First of all, he lied to you. Because it's one thing to talk about it, him agreeing he stops and then watches it behind your back; you can't trust him then whatever he says. You tried to make a suggestion and correctly said "you're ok with it, as long as he doesn't lie about it" but he wasn't honest; said he understood and yet continued. Whether he swears or promises he will do it if he wants to. My fiance swore to me right in my face that he stopped going to a dating/porn site and yet he had gone only hours before saying so (and even got angry that I didn't believe him).
Porn sites with chat and photos... it is not recommended for married people, it can lead to trouble and addiction. I've been there before and had him delete an email account, close down several porn and dating accounts and have moved his computer next to mine. You are correct to feel this way as what he does is disrespectful towards you. It has reached a point where his behaviour changes towards you just because of this and this is not healthy for your relationship. It certainly won't improve with marriage. It can take many months to be resolved, if it will be, as well.
There is currently a good thread about porn under the 'Sex' section, give it a look.
my first post
This is my first post and I've been reading what you guys are saying and I totally sympathize. The entire reason I even found this thread is because my fiance won't leave the porno alone. He does the same routine over and over. There's no foreplay and he even refers to our sexual intimacy as him "stuffing" me or that if we have kids together in the future that I can "spit" one out.
My point, it seems like this is a common problem and none of us know how to fix it. So now what? We love them and they love us. It seems like talking isn't working. Maybe we need to be more aggressive and just break out the toys and not even discuss it. Maybe the conversation is a mood killer for them too? I have no idea. Maybe, and I don't mean to be crude, but I should just tease him enough to make him want me to sit on his face? I don't know. Anyone know...or try it?
In a lot of these cases the porn isn't the problem, its more of a symptom of someone who wants easy, passion free sex. In a lot of cases it sounds like the man has no interest in pleasing his lover - and thats sad, real men want to be thought of as good lovers.
Bekrah - if you aren't happy with the situation, don't get married. Don't hope it will change, it might not. Sex is really important to a relationship and you shouldn't get involved in one that will leave you unsatisfied.
Being more aggressive is fine IF you enjoy it. Tease him, tie him to the bed, and sit on his face if that is what YOU want. (some men would really like that, some wouldn't).
Is there a chance that he wants to please you but just doesn't know how?
I really think that he wants to because he works really hard at postponing his enjoyment until he knows that I have had mine. We've done some role playing and he likes it but I just feel silly sometimes and I only get brave enough to do it if I have had a drink or two. I like it but I have my own insecurities like if I look good in the costume or if I look silly but it's a fantasy for me too. He hinted that if I initiated it that he would but I just have a hard time starting the fantasy stuff and he does too. Will it just take some practice for us? He loves me a lot and I know he does but he has that machisimo thing going on and so these conversations are awkward plus I don't want to say something to make him think I don't want him because that is not the case. He doesn't get mean when I bring it up, he just doesn't say much. He won't look me in the face when we talk about it either.
He seems to be sexually selfish. He wants sex with his rules and if he doesn't get it he turns to porn until you 'get there'. I don't know how you can be sexually happy with this man. It's not about the porn, it's his attitude towards you when it comes to sex. And this you cannot change, it's how his mind works. Sure, there are effective and more aggressive ways to make him cut down on porn, but porn doesn't seem to be the real issue in your case. He clearly wants sex done in his way and his way only and doesn't discuss it. It is not going to change with marriage, so be extremely careful with your choices. It won't be his fault if you marry him knowing how he is, it will be yours for thinking you can change him when you can't.
If he is trying (and from what you said maybe he is), then things might work out. I know that role-playing can make you feel silly - but do you enjoy it as well? I am sure he will think you look good in the costume. Role-playing is a great excuse for telling him what to do. He might appreciate it if he isn't sure himself what he should be doing.
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