Am I such a bad wife?
Hi All,
I am a new member, subscribed today. Not really sure how this works.
I am desparate for advice. I can't talk to my family or to my friends.
I've been married for two years now, we met fell in love, it was like a fairytale, we got married two weeks after we met, moved overseas and stayed there for a year. Since we came back to our country we have been fighting, my husband's never really been in committed relationships, I on the other hand have been married before.
He wants to have a threesome, with me and another woman, he is also turned on by my friends, and I feel like I am not good enough for him. He tells me if I have picked up weight, and that I should gym to get rid of it which I do, I am quite fit, and live a healthy life style. I have been trying so hard to make him happy do everything I know he wants but I just cant get myself to do a threesome. I told him and he said it was ok. He doesn't want children, and lately we have been living each our own life.A while ago he told his x girlfriend that he never should have married me, he is not ready for this kind of commitment and that he never loved me in the first place. Since we are back in our country he has changed allot, into someone i dont know. When i questioned his changes he told me that, this is who he is and that the person i met wasn't who he really was, he was pretending. I suggested counselling he refused, then I suggested a devorce not that i want to but he has broken my heart. He is unbelievable selfish and only does things his way when he wants to. He wanted to devorce me before, but changed his mind. After I suggested devorce he cried (littrely) and asked me for another chance, after he admitted that he wasn't happy and that he needs his freedom but he doesn't want to leave me because he loves me too much. I am so confused. I have been through a bad marriage, but this time I thought it was for real. We were really very happy he was loving, caring, perfect- until we moved back to our country.
I feel like I am a failure and I can't even keep my husband happy. I feel terrible and useless. Worst is my Family adores him and I am always the one that's wrong.
I desperately need advice. PLEASE.
You are fortunate that you have no children with this man, he is a child himself. You need to leave him now before you invest anymore time, emotion or effort with him. Don't let his tears dissuade you. You are not a failure, he sounds like a spoiled brat. There is an old saying "marry in haste, repent in leisure"...meaning if you jump into marriage without really knowing a person, you may find out you made a huge mistake. You did.
This man doesnt sound like a "real" man.
he told you that he was pretending before and this is who he is right now then, i really dont think hes gunna change. then he wanted you to have a threesome?? he sounds like the type that does not want to settle with one woman, he wants to go out there and still do the dating thing and be "wild". You should get your act together and leave before its too late.
Summer Love
This is the Full Blown Version of Summer Love...
during school break, you'd go to the Beach, you'd meet
a boy, and everything was magical, and then in September
and you go back to school...
it's all gone...
This is not a marriage.
This is a fantasy.
No marriage ever existed.
The hubby was playing a role. He invented a guy who
married Sydney and now that he's home, he doesn't
want to play any more.
There is no marriage here...
time to get out now.
I would dump him for sure but before doing so tell him you want a threesome with him and another man. See what the dummy says to that.
Am I Such a bad wife?
Hi there,
You know I did actually ask him if we could have a threesome rather with him and another man (not that i would EVER do that) but just to test him. He almost got a heard attack and said NO way, any other man will touch you except me.
HI DonnaLu,
The sad part is I know you are right. I even told a friend of mine the other day that i dont need children because i have one! :-) I know what i am suppose to do, I am just afraid of letting my family down Again. They told me i always give up to easily. And you were right about him being a spoiled brad, he is an only child and not very close to his mother, although she gives him everything he wants and needs (she is very wealthy).
THank you so much for your advice. THank you to you all, I really needed other women's opinions and advice. I love this site already!
Hi Patricias213
You are right too, I should get my act together. Just difficult to realize that your dream of the perfect man and life, has been destroyed. I thought I had it all, and I can now actually try to have at least one child, but I was wrong. Not going to help me sitting in a corner and feel sorry for myself. At least I am independent, and mature enough to do this.
THanks for your advice
Kaylar,
At one stage in my marriage, I thought about the exact same thing. Last night he actually admitted to the fact that he never realized that being married is such hard work, and why should one get married if you need to work on it. I also find out that he acutally took his friends advice to marry me. He couldn't decide for himself. :-(
Being married reguires alot of work, thats what keeps a marriage strong and alive. Apparently he does not know this , he sounds like a little boy to me. Dont worry about letting your family down, they are not the ones living with him, they dont know what you go through with him, so its certainly isnt fair to you to stay with someone who never really wanted to marry you. A marriage cannot work when only one person wants to try to make it work it takes two and he doesnt seem like he wants to try. I know it will hurt you deeply to leave but think of yourself you will benefit in the long run. goodluck!Originally Posted by Sydney
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