Finance Question

**Some Other Guy** · 01-14-2010 07:55 PM

OK, I misread the forum name and thought it said "Husband / Finance". I wondered why I didn't see any finance questions. Oh well, I don't know where else to put it, so I'll ask here.

For those of you that let your spouse handle the finances, do you pay any attention? For those that don't, doesn't it just creep you out not to know your financial situation?

I handle all of the finances in our family. My wife stays at home. I have a job. I do the long term financial planning and investing. I pay handle all of the bills and accounts.

I've always found it odd that my wife didn't show any significant interest in our finances. She just occasionally asked how much money we had available to spend on various things. I always sort of assumed that she really wanted to know but was intimidated by the complexity of it all. When you add up the credit cards, bank accounts, retirement accounts, college savings accounts, and brokerage account, etc, we have about 20 accounts, so I can see how it would be intimidating.

Toward the end of this year, I spent the better part of a day preparing a complete financial summary. I charted our retirement savings along with projections of our spendable income based on various retirement ages. I charted our kids college savings, showing how I determined how much to save. I summarized our cashflow, showing how much money we make plus how much we save, pay in taxes, and spend in various categories. I wrote up how things would work if I died, explaining the insurance policies and how she would be able to sustain her lifestyle. I even put together a master list of all of our accounts, their purpose, and how to access them.

Once I had that done, I sat her down and went over everything with her. I'm not sure exactly what I was expecting. I guess I was looking for some sense of relief from her that she could see that we were in good shape. Nope. She was clearly uninterested and bored. She tried to feign interest, but I could tell that it wasn't there.

I'm OK dealing with all of the finances. I'm OK with her not really being interested. I'm just perplexed. I guess I'm just too much of a data and control freak. The notion that I would let someone else handle my finances and not even really know about them baffles me. I can't imagine that.

Is my wife relatively normal? Are any of you that oblivious and trusting about your finances?

**LanaBear** · 01-14-2010 08:01 PM

Well, I'm the wife and I handle everything. Same as you, retirement accounts, college saving accounts, insurance policies, bills, blah blah blah. It's not that he's not interested, he's actually very interested, but I'm the business person, he's the technical person. He does a lot of stuff that I have no interest in, it is what it is.

As far as the day to day business of the account, nah, he trusts me, knows bills are paid and knows we have money in the account, not necessarily how much, but he'll ask or log on if he wants to know.

**caterpillar79** · 01-14-2010 08:54 PM

I am the wife also, but new on this one. But truth be told, I am a control freak when it comes to finances. I want to know where every cent goes, or else...I make it sure that all bills are paid on schedule.

Since we are new, and for sure, we'll jump hoops on this, we'll sit down and talk about our finances. I am open to have him handle it, or maybe myself. But I would enjoin him in planning. For me, it is a joint effort.

**jnd2009** · 01-14-2010 11:25 PM

We split it almost 50-50, although I don't have kids and 20 accounts lol. However, to help you out with her- did you explain to her WHY you wanted her to know all of this? Explain to her- "Hey honey, I know you have no interest in this, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm going through all of this with you if something were to happen to me." Something along those lines, tell her it's indirectly FOR her, and your kids that you provide for. Let her know she should have some sense out of what's going on with your family's money, especially if in your absence, that those companies and people that deal with your money don't take advantage of her not knowing anything about it. I get bored with my bf telling me about, for example, cars (his hobby)....but if he applies the "if this ever happens to you on the road or when I'm not around" before it, I'm more likely to listen.

**rcoreyus** · 01-15-2010 01:41 PM

Making sure all bills are paid on time is great. If there is extra money though, I don't think you want to track where it all goes - I fell that people should feel free to spend some money on whatever they want without feeling they need to justify it.

I do the bills in our house, but I never ask my wife what some credit charges were - only occasionally check that she made them and they were not frauds.

Our system: We combine all income. Set aside a fun budget for each of use, which we can save or spend as we wish. Then pay for almost everything we do together out of our common fund. Hobbies that only one of us engage in come out of fun money.

Originally Posted by caterpillar79

I am the wife also, but new on this one. But truth be told, I am a control freak when it comes to finances. I want to know where every cent goes, or else...I make it sure that all bills are paid on schedule.

Since we are new, and for sure, we'll jump hoops on this, we'll sit down and talk about our finances. I am open to have him handle it, or maybe myself. But I would enjoin him in planning. For me, it is a joint effort.

**LanaBear** · 01-15-2010 01:47 PM

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

Making sure all bills are paid on time is great. If there is extra money though, I don't think you want to track where it all goes - I feel that people should feel free to spend some money on whatever they want without feeling they need to justify it.

Couldn't agree more. You'll make yourself mad tracking every last penny.

I'm a major control freak, but even I give here, because I don't want to justify going out and spending money on something and I don't expect him to justify either.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 04-22-2010 12:52 PM

I think your mad because you so want her to see what you are doing, how careful you are, how you plan.

Did you know that there are people that plan and there are people that go with the flow?

And, perhaps your wife trusts you but doesn't understand the complex of finances.

You have detailed this, with perfection to us, without the figures.. Like an accountant.

When my accountant talks to me, he has to say things twice, often because I don't understand his job, only mine, being a sales person, selling.

I have worked in the Finance Industry and I have talked to those that want to save and they have no idea what I am / was talking about, what they did though was "trust".

Don't beat your wife up.. She either trusts you or else, she doesn't understand the complexity of what you are doing.

We don't do things in life to get gratitude... we do them because we want to.

The moment we "expect" we get let down.

CW

**grrrr** · 04-24-2010 07:17 AM

I think that it's important for both parties to understand the finances.

I can't tell from your posts if she's "not interested" or "intimidated" by the prospect. I agree that there is a way to open up this line of communication....

For our household, my husband takes care of the finances, but I know everything that's going on.... I don't think that either one of us would be comfortable if it was any different.... it also allows us to know where we have the "wiggle" room to have dinner with friends, or add to the account for the house that we're hunting for (yikes!!)

I think that bottomline, it's about communication. Money always makes it difficult, tho.

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