Thread: My update so far on my cheating husband

Originally Posted by Little

WoW has "parental controls," which this guy probably hasn't set. If you have the password to the account, you could set them to an e-mail that he doesn't have access to. It's your money too if you're married! Sounds like he needs a break anyhow. WoW can be an addiction just as bad as alcohol, and just as destructive.

I understand the sentiment, but I think getting into a technology war is a bad idea. In particular if he discovers that he has been locked out of his game, he is likely to get extremely angry. Personally I'd leave rather than get into an escalating conflict.

From his point of view, he has an online friend, and you would be suddenly cutting all contact with that friend. Imagine how you would feel if your SO suddenly prevented you from contacting one of your friends.

Overall I think he is absolutly in the wrong. But - I think adding to the conflict is not a good approach.

I don't think it's much different than pouring out the alcohol if your husband's an alcoholic. I'd do it, but I'd see where many people wouldn't ... it's also a double-edged sword; he COULD just get another account.
You can set the game to certain hours of the day to be played, so it wouldn't be a complete block.
And when you get children in the picture, I'm pretty heartless. Bad parents are messing up a-whole-nother life, and possibly sending their children to counseling farther on ... I couldn't have that on my conscience.

Originally Posted by Little

I don't think it's much different than pouring out the alcohol if your husband's an alcoholic. I'd do it, but I'd see where many people wouldn't ... it's also a double-edged sword; he COULD just get another account.
You can set the game to certain hours of the day to be played, so it wouldn't be a complete block.
And when you get children in the picture, I'm pretty heartless. Bad parents are messing up a-whole-nother life, and possibly sending their children to counseling farther on ... I couldn't have that on my conscience.

I don't know if pouring out the alcohol works for an alcoholic - won't they just go buy more? Same I would think for other addictions.

I guess my feeling is that an addicted person will only stop if they want to. If they don't want to stop, they will find some other way - and just get angry at the interference.

Addiction can be really bad. It can be very difficult to break an addiction even if the addict is trying as hard as they can. If they are not trying, I don't think there is much hope.

I have only a litttle experience and no success at dealing with addicted people, so my suggestions / advice are not worth much here .

Originally Posted by jꧧï¢å

i think my husband is cheating on me.he does not want anything to do with me.he is mean and makes me cry and he acts like he dont care...our sex life had dropped to nothing he act like a diffrent person and we have been together for 7 years and married for one.and also there is a girl callin his phone and i asked her who she was she would not tell me and also she said he goes to her house she kno's his name and our childs name i cant ask him until im for sure.everything we used to do and have fun doing he dont want to do it anymore. do i have a right to worry and think he is cheating?

He's cheating. You should worry.

As far as Jessica goes- Your husband IS most likely cheating. Some of the signs of a cheater I've witnessed are- They get in shape, they get all dressed up to "run errands", they treat you like **** and take you for granted worse than usual, when you ask them what's wrong they give short answers and change the subject instead of showing concern for your concern, they nitpick any little fault that you may have, they bad mouth you to others, they only do what is the bare minimum to get by with you, the girl on his phone is a dead give away red flag! OMG!! Usually cheaters have deep psychological issues and aren't worth putting up with. NOW- you're afraid of losing him and don't want to risk that if he is cheating and maybe you can forgive or whatever? We both know he's gone. That hurts. He's gone emotionally, sexually, friendship- he's someone else's man. The worst part is he isn't what you thought he was. He doesn't love you the way you thought he did. That's hard- no one deserves all that deception heart break etc. unless maybe they cheat. But at this point you'll come to learn that you don't have to be afraid of losing him. He's gone! I cried for two months over "losing" my wife of seven years and mother of our three year old daughter. It's AWFUL!!! But I'm so much better now. There's definately a hump to get over but it's just in your path now. You can't choose otherwise because you were violated by his lack of morals. You have freedom to continue to be violated or not. Once you take a stand and don't put up with it and take steps you'll find new strength to get rid of them! You'll get in shape and improve and become a better person and people better than your ex will be happy to celebrate the new you that you become! Listen to Kaylar- she's wise on these things. Remember that cheaters aren’t going to change because it’s too hard- especially if they have nothing to lose because you can’t get over them. They won’t get over themselves unless you get over them first. Scary to do- but AWESOME!!!!!!!!!.............AWESOME!!!!!!!!!

If you suspect he is cheating online and maybe even visiting her then I would install a keylogger on the computer when he is away. One that sends you all he types in an e-mail to a private e-mail account you set up and keep secret from him. This way you have everything he types. Thjis software works in the background and he won't even know it is there. This will give you proof for a lawyer to file. Also you will have every site he visits too. Another thing you can do when he is out is to install a password on the computer just to log on. Do not use a password he can guess. Do not write it down where he can find it. If he wants to do this another thing you can do is rearrange the house a bit and put the computer in a more public room with the monitor facing so anyone can see what he is up too. I at one time had this problem of chatting in chat rooms. It upset my wife so badly I had her use the password set up a nd that was 4 years ago. I only go on the computer when she is with me so she can be at ease with my activities when I am online. I had her do this for her pease of mind and I didn't want to damage her trust in me anymore than I had before. If he has a cell phone you can call the company and have the bill set up so every call in or out is listed along with how long each call was. For the keylogger software, check on some of the cheating spouses web sites. They have many type of it out there, just do a little reasearch and buy the type that will provide you with what you need. That is my 2 cents woth.

I know I'm in the minority, but I think that when you think it is time to start spying on your spouse, it is time to leave. If you look enough, you will find something (real or not) on almost anyone .

I agree with rcoreyus.

Also, if I found a keylogger on my computer that my girlfriend installed - that IS the end of the relationship, even if I'm just playing solitare.