Thread: Before DIVORCE

Usually you find out he has been unfaithful and
run to the lawyer's office.

This is the biggest mistake you will ever make.

This is because he has chosen the time, place
and reason.

You are simply reacting.

The best advice is to not catch him until you
are ready.

By ready I mean emotionally ready.

Very often men 'time' their affairs to coincide
with the most crucial moments of a wife's life.

It could be a new job, a promotion, a traumatic
family situation, anything, where the divorce will
only add more chaos.

Hence, don't catch him until you are ready.

If that means waiting a year, than that is what
you do. You want to launch the divorce at your
moment of greatest strength.

You want the lawyer on tap, whose given you
all the details, you want to know where your are
going, (if anywhere) what the down side is, (if
any) and set it so that it is as disrupting as a
dental appointment.

Plan, plan, plan.

Don't alert him to your decisions. Let him go along
in his happy way, thinking he's fooling you or that
he can have a wife and a mistress.

Do not telegraph your moves.
And look at every eventuality.

Some of the things you may need to do...

Open your own bank account contra the 'joint'.
Get as much property in your own name.
'Steal' house money to give you a start.
Sell items of value.

Make new friends and new involvements without
him. This might be clubs, hobbies, courses,
whatever, as a precursor to your future single
life.

As long as the relationship is husband being 'nice'
because he thinks you don't know about his
girlfriend, milk it like a cow.

In some relationships the property aspect is so
confusing that it will take years to unravel.

You don't want to spend years running back
and forth to court. You want a clean break.
You want all property issues resolved before
divorce, not after.

Make up your mind.

In some cases the house is mortgaged.
Do you want to keep paying a mortgage or
would you rather get a share and go somewhere
else?

Some women have reached the stage in which
getting 'me' is more important than property.

Sometimes this is wise.

If he's been paying the mortgage on the house
meaning he has a share in it, and will react badly
about being 'thrown out of his house', maybe
going into violence..(and many men do) then
it is better to leave the house and demand a
forced sale or some kind of recompense than
to remain and find him in and out of it, breaking
locks when it suits him, (It's MY house! he shouts)

A house is a house.
It is not a soul.
It is not a heart.

Many times, where there is a situation in which
it is likely that he will make a terrible row over the
property, let him have it, or have the court sell it.

And because you have planned on leaving him
and the house for awhile you don't waste money
on it.

What you need to do is to get rid of all the 'hooks'.

For example, if you know he is going to fight over
some piece of furniture then leave it.

Long before he knows you are going to divorce him
begin cataloging certain items you intend to take.

Don't buy anything new that can be fought over.
Save money for your new home.

Just before you leave, i.e. a month, begin moving
out things that 'won't be missed'.

You want to be out of the house when he is
served with the divorce petition, and do not
want him to find you too soon.

You want the divorce to be as destressed as
possible.

What you need is someone interested in you and
listens. Many times lawyers make wars where none
existed because they are looking at dollar signs,
you are looking at peace.

Hire a lawyer who has time for you.

Divorces are traumatic. You don't need someone
checking a clock every ten seconds, because you
can only 'get' thirty minutes.

Yes, you're paying for the service, and yes the meter
runs by time, but the lawyer who listens and asks the
right questions, and doesn't make it seem you are on
a conveyor belt, is the one you want.

You want a lawyer to say..."Look, let's argue about
the television, then settle on the dog. I'll pretend
there's no emotion here, and that it's simply money.
So when he starts to argue why he should get the
television, and his lawyer becomes obnoxious, I'll
say...okay, you get the T.V., we'll get the...uh..dog."

You don't want one saying...
"But it's a Big Screen Plasma TV and the dog is a mutt!"

The ideal situation is when you perceive your
marriage is failing for whatever reason, nearly
a year before you are going to call it quits.

This gives you time to adjust to your new status.
Time for you to make plans, mentally apportion
property, and if there are children, select the least
disruptive method.

With so many marriages failing today, the pre-nup
has become common. The beauty of a pre-nup is
that you agree to the division of property before
the marriage takes place.

In a way one gets a firm comprehension of the other
person, how they view things, which would never
come up before marriage.

In some cases pre-nups prevent marriages.

Roger was quite wealthy, although he lived a rather
humble life. Outsiders would not immediately perceive
his status.

After his first marriage collapsed, his wife, who simply
wanted quit of him, did not demand very much, which
was subsequently found extremely surprising, and
warned him that he might not be so lucky the next time.

He met Yvonne and things were proceeding well, but
his lawyer advised a pre nup. When he told Yvonne
of his intention, she became angry, and one thing led
to another, and he was left with no doubt that she had
learned of his financial status and that is what she
wanted to marry.

Hence, there was no marriage.

Wayne presented his bride to be with a pre nup, she
had her lawyer draw up another version, and Wayne
said, 'you are marrying me, it is my way or no way.'

Thinking she could somehow get around the agreement
she married him. Wayne had, many years before, wrapped
up his money in a trust, so that every cent outside of
immediates had to be requested from the trustees.

His wife, who thought she would get what he had during the
marriage left him when she realised he could not put his hand
in his pocket and replace her car over night.

On the otherside, Lisa had a few choice bits of property
and was very careful to ensure that they were wrapped
up in a property company she formed with her sister.

Hence, the company remained outside of the marriage,
and was clearly evidenced on the pre nup. Craig,
realising he'd never get his hands on the property broke
the engagement.

Very often the simpliest pre nups state one takes out
what one brought in; meaning that only the property
gained jointly falls for decision.

So the spouse who moves into the others home does not
get a share, but the apartment they purchased during the
life of the marriage can be divided.

In this way, a great deal of anguish is avoided.