how to cope with husband leaving

**loveforever15** · 02-02-2010 04:06 AM

I feel i have had my soul torn away. 8 years together, 7 married total of 15. My husband left and now has a new apartment. There was turmoil the last few months, but I never thought he would clear out his belongs, (while at my son;s birthday), and turn off all communication. I have all this frustration, deep hurt, and doubt that there is nothing I can do. He filed for divorce and I was served with papers less than 3 weeks after he left.
We have a 5 year old son, who is my everything. I loved him from the day I learned about the pregnancy. All I got from him was I never wanted kids, or to be married. The way he is acting now is similar to when we were dating.
I always was confronted with being pushed away and emotional hurt.
I blame myself and do take responsibility for my part, but he puts all the blamed on me.
He wants a divorce, but wants to have a relationship afterwards

, which adds insult to hurt. I feel he has moved on without any remorse or care.
I am worried about my son, and am doing the best to shield him and let him know if he ever feels sad to let me know.
He has been gone almost 3 months, and never even contacted his son for Christmas. Of course, I get blamed for that.
I have taken care of him, and feel overwhelmed that this is like wiping dust off his shoulder.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-02-2010 12:04 PM

http://www.womens-health.com/boards/...tml#post158839

Above thread has responses pertaining to this thread for posters.

You can't change what he did, how he thinks, who he is and why he led you down this path if he was like this at the inset, is anyone's guess. And, wrong...

But, you have to now look after you and your son and focus on moving on.

You took care of him and you feel overwhelmed that this is like wiping dust off his shoulder, we all do, in a committed relationship.

I would really like for you to be honest with yourself and ask yourself just what he gave back to you over those 15 years and just honestly, how happy you were....

I bet that if you do, you'll start to see alot of things you weren't satisfied with, weren't happy with and mostly, it's fear, your now on your own after all this time, and anger, how dare you after all these years and coming up with lame excuses of the past...

CW

**loveforever15** · 02-02-2010 01:45 PM

In sense, i have been looking at how it was in the past. His remarks, and that I always gave 100%, and when he made comments of marriage and not wanting kids, I clung even more.
I was told that this is a form of abuse.
I am just having a hard time realizing how he could do this after 15 years, but realize it was going on the whole time, and if I said anything that did not suit him, I would be told I did not know reality, and I am insecure, and all the other adjectives that go a long with it.
Just now, when coming to see my son, He was given a letter from domestics because he was having insurance taken out, and should not had been having this done, i had to file a letter.
Well a masters hearing was scheduled, and he was all pissy about it because he can't afford it.
I said do you think that I want to have a credit card debt that I did not rack up.
then he starts playing the control issue about family court, which I initiated signing up after he left. He did not want to go, saying we can figure it out as it is just a review hearing, but now I feel he is going to be a big jerk about it, and try to retaliate.
I just wish I could get past this without being played

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-02-2010 01:55 PM

Then make a stand...

and when he made comments of marriage and not wanting kids, I clung even more.

Rejection... You always want what you can't have.

I am just having a hard time realizing how he could do this after 15 years, but realize it was going on the whole time, and if I said anything that did not suit him, I would be told I did not know reality, and I am insecure, and all the other adjectives that go a long with it.

Your no orphan, so many people trap themselves into loveless relationships that have a form of control from the other side, a demeaning approach somewhat, to keep the other person there, putting them down, blamming them, you were mis-matched to start with but held onto hope.

said do you think that I want to have a credit card debt that I did not rack up.
then he starts playing the control issue about family court, which I initiated. He did not want to go, saying we can figure it out as it is just a review hearing,

He's banking on your weakness.

To date, he's had everything his way hasn't he? All throughout and now.

"I will do what I wan't".
"It's your fault".

Yet, he's used your finances, left you with debts, doesn't see his son, doesn't hold up to ANY responsibilities what so ever, and tries always to take the short cuts, not matter who he's hurting as long as it's not him.

I was told that this is a form of abuse.

Mental abuse, emotional abuse.

The above two are used to crush a person, bring out their weaknesses, control them to a degree, to obtain everything their own way.

If you feel that's the case, then your probably correct.

Have you signed the Divorce papers? Property and asset/debt settlments?

If not, see a lawyer, because you shouldn't be burdened with all of his debts, whilst he walks scott free living in an apartment without any. You have a child to think about.

Same for maintenance for your child.

Alot of "abused" women walk and take it because of fear, then work their butt off to get clear, I am an example excepting, I haven't Divorced yet, deliberately as I want to wait until I am clear of all of this mentally and then proceed.

I have debts that he helped rake up, I gave away my monies to help within the marriage when he wasn't working as well, and my ex, would like 20% of my Commerical Property however, keep his house 100% and none of my debts, don't sign anything and make it final until you have had the right advice and the right mind, you have to get stronger and forget any form of abuse mentally that he has issued, trying to bring you down, so that you just walk with the lot.. debts that is.

CW