Thread: I need help please.

I have been married to my husband going on 37 years now, and we have 8 grown children and beautiful grandchildren. The problem is that my husband is verbally abusive towards me, shows me disrespect in front of my kids, and in front of my daughter inlaws, and we have absolutly no communication between us.

His last stunt was kicking me out of our bedroom, and he hasn't spoken to me since. It was over something so childish, but to me it means he wants nothing to do with me. I just turned 51, and he is 58 but we are not even attracted to each other. Let me explain what led up to the latest events. My husband is on disability, and sells on Ebay to supplement his income.He went totally over board and always buys more merchendise than he sells. He has me and my daughter doing his listings, and shipping his packages. We don't have access to his account so the money all goes to him. He is paranoid now that he invested all his money and is angry at us because he doesn't think we are doing enough to sell his stuff. He know's the economy is bad and he does sell, but he uses the money to purchase other items and then panics when the rent is due because he falls behind.

Anyway, he told me to cancel my account, and to only have his ebay account. He wanted to make sure the money was going into his account only. I kept my account active because I have credit cards I am paying and I need gas money since I'm not working. That is also his fault but I'll get to that later Anyway, one day out of the blue he asked me if I was selling anything on ebay under my account and I told him that I had a few things listed. He insisted on seeing my account, and went balistic when he saw that I had sold a few things. He then wanted to check my paypal account and then my bank account to see if I had any money. I didn't hesitate because I had nothing to hide and allowed him to check my accounts to avoid pissing him off more, and thinking I was trying to hide something.

I swore up and down that the items I had listed were not his, I bought them with the money my daughter had given me, and I was selling because I needed money to put gas in the car and to have spending money. I don't ask him for money, and he never offers me on his own without having to know for what. He started calling me every dirty name in the book, making me feel like garbage. He called my oldest son, and told him that I had a secret bank account behind his back, and that I was selling behind his back, and he didn't feel he could trust anyone in the house anymore. My son was understanding with me, and told me to just let him vent, and ignore it.

He has ignored me since that day, won't eat the food I cook so I stopped cooking for him, don't go in my bedroom, I sleep in the spare room, I took all my belongings out and let him have the bedroom. I am seriously thinking about filing for a legal seperation but I don't have the money to afford it and I don't really want to go move in with my sons because they both have families and live in small apartments. My younger son is telling me to just leave without filing the seperation, and live with him and his wife until I figure out what I want to do.

I am trying to get a job so I can take care of myself. I use to have a nice job as a caregiver and I loved it. He was taking my money but I was able to just go to work and escape for 8 hours and not deal with his bs. He wanted to be able to keep his medical card and public assistance so I had to quit my job when we got cut off due to me working. He always complains about not having money yet he would rather us stay on public assistance so he won't risk losing his medical card, than to allow me to have a job.

I'm fed up and disgusted with my life. I want to leave him so bad but am afraid. I know that once I find a job, I will be able to leave and take care of myself. I feel guilty sometimes just thinking that we have been married for so long, and I don't see a future ahead for us. I am always lonley because we never talk, and when I was working I would come home and try to tell him something exciting about my day, but he would cut me off and tell me to go put him something to eat, or just plain stop talking , I don't want to hear it.

I'm lucky I have my daughter, and grand daughter living with us. My daughter is my life saver but the poor girl is the one suffering. Her father calls on her to do everything he won't ask me to do for him. That's another reason he feels he can push me aside, he feels he can just ask her to run all his errands. She feels like , the way he's always calling her to do this or come do that, or asking her for money alll the time. She went through a nasty divorce herself and collects child support for her daughter. She always contributes more than her fair share of the bills and then some to help out her dad but he always wants more. She has too much respect to say anything to him but we share each others pain.

Please give me some advice because I am at my end here. I only want to be respected and I deserve to be happy. Is there anyway of getting away from him? I am broke, no money, no job, and no resources. He even told me to give him my bank card, and paypal card but I refused, then he told me to give him the food stamp card and he won't let me have it back. He went to Walmart the other day and bought some food himself so he could eat. He is so lame. Please help me ladies, I need some solid advice here. Thank you, and many blessings.