Thread: Is porn cheating?

I found porn in my bedroom. I have been married for 6 years now with two kids. Find this hurts inside.I feel like he is cheating and is not happy with our sex life. Which I really do not blame him because we would probably have sex once or twice week if that. I'm not as sexually active as he. Unfortunately I have a hunting past. 2 family members have sexually abused me starting at the age of 5 and ending at age 10. I spent my tenth birthday in the ER over this situation. What a day that was!
Yes, my husband is aware of the situation. I have considered myself as a surviver and not a victim. However, I have found that my past is still in my present.

Hi everybody, been a while and hope all is well with all of you.
Just a few thoughts. If one person or another in a relationship is neglecting to open up, spending time, (sexual or not) or things of the sort, there is a problem. A guy rejecting his wife and using porn is a problem. Plain and simple. It has to get worked out and talked about. Also I read the book Pornified and it is a poor representation of men in our society as a whole. I have done research and I am on staff at a local community service center and the situation with men and porn is not as evil and disrespectful as the media portrays us. I am a man and I am not a big porn user. I have mixed views on the entire porn industry. Enough said.
Fallen1, I see your comments quite a bit and I really think you have a great view of things and love your spirit but I need to say something here. The discussion about vibrator vs. porn is not sitting well with me. Maybe others. Some women talk about having a pretty good sex life with their partners and the men still look at porn. These women at the same time are not comfortable with it. Much of what is said on this site and others has to deal with one individuals insecurities. If a woman feels less of a woman because of her man's porn use it should be discussed. I had a girlfriend who had a stash of crazy wild sex toys and a little bit of porn. When I found it I asked her about it and she said no way, and to drop it. How do you think I felt?. Are my "toys" not good enough? For men's porn would just a picture of a woman's vagina be ok or maybe not show her face?. A woman would most likely still have issues with it. As my worry about a plastic penis she has stashed. A man uses his hand, you have a toy. Ponder that. What men's and women's brains process during masterbation is something we may never really figure out. If there was some great sex toy for men (I have never seen one) and women and men traded pictures for toys for a year or whatever, we would still end up back here with concerns. Men and women are different. No one will ever have all the answers. It is when those differences cause uneasiness that both parties have to get together and work out a compromise so that can feel good about their relationship. I love and respect women. I am not an expert but hope this sheds a little light on how some situations can be looked at. Fallen1, I hope you don't take offence and I wish you peace and love.
Take care everybody.

Originally Posted by Drewstraws

I am not an expert but hope this sheds a little light on how some situations can be looked at. Fallen1, I hope you don't take offence and I wish you peace and love.
Take care everybody.

Oh none taken. Thanks for adding your thoughts. I enjoy hearing all sides/opinions of the issue. Just more for me to think on.

I knew that my husband was a heavy porn user before marrige (sort of since he always has very high sex-drive & was single for a good 1 year before we met). I thought it would stop after our marrige, but he still uses it every night. I found out about it one day when I found a paper tissue next to his laptop with "stuff" in it. He denied doing it though. I secretly checked his browsing history & saw that he visited those porn website almost every night (including those nights when you did it) at very late hours when I was sleeping. We don't do it every day since it seems to be a bit too much for me, but rather every other day, and he watches porn every single day. I feel very angry too, but I don't know what else to do with him. I think it's a type of cheating, but he says it is not. He defends himself saying it is just a way to relieve his need ... I don't know what to think about it either ... I don't like it obviously. No girl would like her man watching other naked girls. I just don't know what to do. Maybe, marrying a guy with very high sexual desire is not a smart decision to begin with ...

Originally Posted by noname7

I hate to say it but I have looked through my fiance's email and found porn. I found myself getting angry about it. I don't really find anything wrong with him looking at porn, but I feel like he is doing it behind my back because he never mentioned it to me. I would like to ask him about it but I don't want him to know that I was snooping through his e-mail. I also would not mind watching it with him. Should I tell him that I know he watches it? And should I feel angry?

I agree. I just don't get why my husband refused to get rid of his collection of porn DVD(s). He has hundreds of them. I want him to get rid of them before we have kids since I don't like to see those crazy things lying around. He hid them somewhere in the room. I don't know exactly where, but it bothers me to know that they are around. I don't know why men like to watch other naked girls in addition to making love with their wives, especially when they have rather hot ones.