Do you think people want to get married to commit....

**SecretlySad** · 02-17-2010 06:15 PM

or because they are in love with the IDEA of marriage?

I know so many women who just care about/focus on the big day, with the flowers and the cutlery and the photographer and couldn't care less about what marriage means. Am I that weird that I would be happy having a small garden or even Vegas wedding just as long as the person I loved was by my side? Or happy even never getting married??

It seems people who don't even want to get married, do, just because it is the "next step".

**Airmans Sweetie** · 02-17-2010 07:28 PM

i am 21 & got married at 18. i am like you, i could have cared less where i got married or how fancy it was. all i wanted was the man i loved next to me. it actually drove me crazy that my mother & my sister, who were helping get the stuff ready for the wedding, were overly focused on the flowers & the lighting & blah blah blah. my mom even told me the wedding couldn't happen if the flowers weren't done, & i told her the flowers r not wat the wedding was about! so there r still ppl out there who marry for love but i do believe that more & more ppl marry because of the idea of marriage instead of because they love someone so much they want to b with them forever

**Goodgirl93** · 02-17-2010 07:56 PM

I believe that marriage is just a special bonding between a couple,but it DOESN'T meant you have to get married to prove your love or even to move to the next step.Honestly,if a guy I was with,and loved deeply didn't want to have a big wedding,I would respect that.You don't have to be married to prove to everyone that your going to be together forever.My sister is actually planning on a "silent" wedding.her boyfriend and her are planning to go to the J.O.P.(Justice Of the Piece),And get a marriage liscense.She doesn't want a wedding.Some girls are like that though,and I there is nothing wrong with it.

As long as your SO agrees,ofcourse.

**Hopeless Dork** · 02-17-2010 08:30 PM

Oh I have known plenty of girls that have their wedding all planned out and they are just looking for some poor soul to fit the tux. I do believe that some little girls grow up with some cinderella notion of a wedding and don't even think about much more about marriage than which dress they are picking and the guest list.

I've also known a girl that broke out of a loving relationship with a good man, a faithful man, a man that met her every asthetic specification and treated her like princess... but wasn't ready to marry. She then went on to marry some guy that she admits to not even loving... but she got her big day!!

A wedding isn't important to me, marriage, to me, doesn't make a relationship better if its bad and doesn't promise happiness or faithfulness anymore than a committed relationship without a ring does.

I'd rather be in love, and be happy than chasing some frilly dress fantasy.

**KMonte85** · 02-18-2010 05:58 AM

I think there are a number of reasons why some people think they HAVE to get married...

Of course as everyone mentioned there are the women in the world who have planned their wedding since the day they learned to walk and talk, and are just looking for a guy who will cooperate with the big plan. They don't care who it is, they just HAVE to get married (and usually before age 25). One of my best friends was this way, she got a guy- but I wouldn't want their marriage - yuck.

Then there are those people who are of a strong religious faith. marriage is much more important because it takes the bond between man and woman to a higher level, sanctioned by God and makes the bond holy. (and lets not forget that most of the people who feel this way also are celibate until marriage, if thats not a big plus idk what is!)...

Then there are those people who are in a loving relationship and get married because it is beneficial financially (tax breaks, life and health insurance, etc...). That kind of takes the romance out of it, but at least in my state if you are married you are up for a whole host of financial benefits. I probably fall more into this range. I love my boyfriend to death, we already live together in my home.. and if we lived together we could cut our insurance expenses in half and get a mega break in taxes. I know I love him and want to spend the rest of my life with him, so why not take that next step that will benefit us both? Sure, it takes the romance out of the whole "marriage" thing, but I'm not romantic anyway so whatever.

**Disco** · 02-18-2010 06:07 AM

To me marriage is all about financial benefits, that's why I don't ever want to get married. The white dress, big cake, dreamy honeymoon and big love sugarcoating isn't plausible to me.
You can be with someone, love them and not get married, which means (to me) that marriage actually is all about money business.
I get so irritated when they want to know my marital status in banks and other places.

**OhThereYouAre** · 02-18-2010 06:59 AM

A long time ago, marriage was a contract between a man's family and a woman's family stating that the woman would be taken care of.

This agreement has morphed into a legal agreement between two people in the eyes of the government.

There isn't much romance involved in either of these scenarios when you think about it.

I don't have much respect for the institution of marriage as it stands in this day and age. It seems that everyone else gets rich during the process except for the couple.

If folks wonder why some men like to hold off on marriage, well, there isn't much incentive for a man to get married in this day and age.

**stressed** · 02-18-2010 12:53 PM

Some say: "If you want to break up with someone but can't find the right words: propose to him".

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-18-2010 01:29 PM

Once upon a time

Well I am alot older than you lot...

I used to think as a teenager, it was a dream, the dream, the knight, the prince, the soul, for ever, picket fence, babies, happiness, MINE....

As for the wedding? All the story books, the carriages, glass slippers, naturally all young girls dream of that beautiful wedding, where they look like a princess and make everything magical.

Later in life?

I have seen so many marriages fail, separation, divorce, I never ever, put myself in that thought pattern after all marriage is commitment for life right? Not at the success rate it's not.

I have watched my married friends... when girlfriend and boyfriend, even living together, such a difference, once married? The commitment then becomes financial. 50/50... and that's also what's in most men's mind on Divorce, the loss 50/50, all of a sudden, the woman takes over her Mother, cleans, cooks, but these days, also now works. The man assumes the role he had as a child, being looked after by the Mother and he works, so he has little understanding or will and desire to understand that he has to pitch in, arguements happen.

Children come along and then it's all caotic, tired, stressed, finances are stretched, arguements.

Hahaha painting a good picture here aren't I?

Anyways, I think that leaving the piece of paper out, has worked more for anyone even Goldie Horn, than the piece of paper. The friendship is still there, honeymoon stage is still there, no demands, less arguements and love keeps flowing.

I think you can commit without that piece of paper.

And, I think you have a better time.

That's my thoughts after seeing the change myself through marriage and looking at my friends that are not married and those that are, same amount of years and the difference in their love and attention for each other.

It seems to be a different world. I think.

**sourpuss** · 02-18-2010 02:12 PM

The strongest relationships I see in my life are the people that aren't married. Most have kids together and I could never see them not being together. Some of the worst relationships I see in my life are those that got married because they are the kind of people that 'just do what you're supposed to do'. And getting married is one of those things in life that you're supposed to do.

I think more and more people are beginning to realize that it's not the 'marriage' but the commitment to the other person. With divorce being what it is today, marriage doesn't really weight the same importance that it used to.