Just found out about an old lie...

**stressed** · 02-18-2010 01:46 PM

I don't know what got into me tonight (probably all those doubts women have here about their partners), so I checked that old website my fiance used to spend hours after hours when we had a 2-year distance relationship (the same place he had this emotional affair with a girl he had met twice in real life).

The last I heard of that girl was after that drunken night where he told her he loved her etc. (that was first November 2008). He said it was a mistake, he was drunk etc. Now I see that he logged on to that place 2nd December 2008 with a new account that he didn't really use, just took a quick look over there.

Now, I do feel a little bit angry. Should I mention that or let it be? He's stopped with all that now, but apparently he tried to lied to me again just a month after claiming he had stopped. There's no chance he does anything behind my back today, he's a different man. But I hate lies.

What do you think I should do?

This kinda damaged my trust a little bit, as I thought he learned the lesson that November, and to go back there with a new username, so I wouldn't find him, was cheap of him to do. I found that username only because now they have changed their settings to show all users with same I.P. ... ...

**stressed** · 02-18-2010 01:48 PM

I so want to ask "why did you go back there a month after that incident and why did you try to hide it with a new username?"

But to that he will say "that was in the past, I don't do anything wrong now, you're going crazy again".

It was only a year ago...

I'm kinda shocked.

**stressed** · 02-18-2010 01:49 PM

What if he left her a PM behind my back...I'm getting angry now.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 02-18-2010 01:58 PM

Stressed, snooping brings up all sorts of emotions, thoughts, connotations and off course anger.

But, your missing something..

Now I see that he logged on to that place 2nd December 2008 with a new account that he didn't really use, just took a quick look over there.

Now, I do feel a little bit angry. Should I mention that or let it be? He's stopped with all that now, but apparently he tried to lied to me again just a month after claiming he had stopped.

He was curious... one last look, thought... he wasn't active after that. Past is the past, he stopped...

Don't ruin your present and future, over the past which has long gone.

If you didn't snoop, you wouldn't be upset.

It's natural when you stop something to have closure, maybe he needed that, last little log in under a different name to get that closure...

Sure, he lied, by doing it but he has also stopped, 15 months actually.. SO that has to account for something and something big.

You will never trust him, for what happened, it's the rule of "forgive but don't forget" until hopefully a few years has passed and you can see, that he has been consistent the way he is now, today, then you will feel safe.

CW

**Fallen1** · 02-18-2010 02:07 PM

I'm the same way about lying. I told my husband right after we started dating that if he ever lied to me even if it was something little like telling me it was cloudy when the sun was out I'd leave him. I just can't tolerate liars.

I think even though it would be hard for me I'd just let it be. I know I'd want to cue him into the fact that I knew that he was dishonest but there again as long as he is being honest now why dig up something that happened a long time ago just to possibly start problems now.

**sourpuss** · 02-18-2010 02:09 PM

Remind yourself that it's February 2010 and this happened December of 2008. I don't see anything good coming from bringing up something that old.

**stressed** · 02-18-2010 02:56 PM

Well he's often said that "I've been good since Christmas 2008".

I will soon have to be away for a week. This is going to be his first week without me since he started "behaving". What if he has another "let's have another look" idea? I've been through a lot for him, I wouldn't stand one more sneaky move from his side.

If he went there to talk to her I deserve to know, whether it happened in the end of 08' or yesterday.

I doubt I'm going to be able to keep it to myself, it will probably come out and lead to an argument.

If he would have been honest with me the from 2006 to 2008 I wouldn't ever feel the need to snoop. But he's lied to me a lot and I am not the forgiving type.

His "curiosity" ranged from talking to bisexual men on a dating site to keep going back to that website from time to time. I hate the feeling that somebody tried to "trick" me, I don't accept that...

**sourpuss** · 02-18-2010 02:59 PM

If you haven't trusted him for the last two years then it's time to re-evaluate whether or not you should really give it any more time or energy.

**Hopeless Dork** · 02-18-2010 03:03 PM

I can get why its got you fuming. I'd go from zero to 100 in 2 seconds flat uncovering something like that...

However. If you know that you are not going to break up with him because he lied to you last year and has been trustworthy since... bringing it up is only going to cause a fight, ruin your day... lead to days of hurt and arguments and accusations just to bring you right back to where you were before you looked.

If you have it in you to let it go, let it go.

**stressed** · 02-18-2010 03:04 PM

I've trusted him most of 2009, but that was because I thought he was honest with me about what he did before that time, not because he had kept even more things from me.

I seriously don't know.