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Reply With QuoteAre you prepared to pay child support if the kid is his? If you make an ultimatum, just remember that you have to be 100% prepared to back it up.
Distressed wife
I'm reading with great interest in all the women's problems and I'm so glad I've found this website for us to share our distressed feelings towards our partners. I have a problem with my husband, married for 28 years, have 4 children all above the age of 20, 2 grandchildren. Just found out that husband has cheated on me last August 2009 and the 20 yr old he slept with is now pregnant. He said it was just a game between him and few other mates of who can get a young girl (as they are all in their late 40's, my husband is 50) but now the girl is pregnant. I'm so confused now whether I should leave him as I don't need him to care for me anymore, the kids are all grown up and two of them have now their own families. My kids told me to get rid of him but he is begging me to forgive him as he doesn't want to live with this young person. He also claimed that the baby may not be his as the girl is a little , they all pay her money to sleep with, so I told him that we will wait and see if the girl is due on the 30th April 2010 or the 1st May or a day after that, then the baby is his. Apparently the girl told him that her last period was on the 28th July and he slept with her from the 8th - 14th August 2009. Do you think my decision to leave him if the baby is his is the right one...I can't bear the thought of knowing that he has a son or daughter out there. I come from a highly respected family in our community and can you imagine what my family, friends and the whole village will say about my husband if they find out. Appreciate any advice you all can give to help me find peace within me.
Distressed wife
Are you prepared to pay child support if the kid is his? If you make an ultimatum, just remember that you have to be 100% prepared to back it up.
So a group of older men, pay a 20 year old girl to have sex with them... It was a game between your husband and these men to see who could get her in the sack first... Your husband slept with this girl, who is younger than your children and she is now pregnant. WOW!!!
If this child is his, assuming you are also 50, you are now attached financially to her for the next 18 years. 68 years old, when you should be enjoying your time because you've already done raised YOUR kids.
I'm just really really shocked. I can't even begin to comprehend what you must be going through.
Is his excuse really that it was a game? He ruined 28 years of marriage for a game? How was the marriage prior to this or around this time?
It's a hard nugget to swallow. Do you feel that you CAN forgive him and be a part of this child's life? The mother is 20 years old, I'm assuming she will be rather dependent on whomever the father is. Maybe, maybe not, but man, I just don't know.
Have you thought about taking a break for a few? Moving out for a few weeks, or until the baby is born, taking some time to think, putting everything into perspective?
How soon after the fact did he find out she was pregnant? How long did he wait to tell you?
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Amen
Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
I think your looking at it the wrong way.
Your asking if you should leave him "if the baby is his" and then talk about community, family, village, fear....
So, if that's your only reason for leaving? Then your saying that the cheating didn't bother you at all, you accept what happened. Midlife crisis? Or, has been occuring more than you know or care to know.
Follow your heart. Not what the community or family will say, off course they will stand by you either way and any gossip is just that.. The only people that have to live with this is you and your husband.
Ask yourself again. How you really feel about this.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Originally Posted by sourpuss
No way...I'd rather let him go and live with the young woman and care for his baby rather than me contributing to it. Thanks for replying.
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Yes, a group of men pay young female students who come from poor families to have sex and pay them $20 or $40 for a couple of hours, which is what we should call prostitution. And these men should be punished for what they're doing to young women. But the sad thing is, the parents of these young girls know it too as that's where they get their money.
our marriage has been good, he has cheated before but during the early stages of marriage. I think my husband is scared to leave our family as he will get nothing if we liquidate all the assets that we now have (quiet a lot). Right now I still can't accept this other child and I'm leading towards kicking him out of my life for good if the baby turns out to be his.
This pain is not doing any good to my health, since I found out over the 8 weeks, I have now lost 5kg...which is good in a way for me...but that doesn't clear my conscious and soul. I'm still angry and distressed about the whole saga.
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Thank you CW for the advice...I still love him but I'm finding it hard to accept the fact that another woman is having his baby??? he kept telling me that he doesn't even care about this young woman and the baby but i sort of feel sorry for this young woman too. Do I sound confusing here....Yes I still am confused but thanks for your advice, will think it over when end of April comes.
Distressed Wife
It is possible to do a paternity test prior to birth, so there is no need to wait until the child is born.
I think CW is right, you need to do what will be right for you. Do you love your husband? How was your relationship in general and your sex life, prior to this?
If, as you say, this young woman has been pushed into this by her family, I do feel badly for her too. How will she support a baby if they have been pushed her into prostitution to support them? What a sad situation!
Your husband sounds rather immature to be playing "games" like this.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Unfortunately, the women are of legal age and willing participants in this "game." So should they be punished too? And what about their parents if they are privy to the situation?
Moving on, I agree with everything Lana said. Not a very good decision on your husband's part.
Who cares if scandal breaks, let your story be known....let everyone know you put your foot down and you may empower others to do so. It's gonna be tough, but I don't think as tough as the alternative- staying.
Hopefully your family will provide support.
Best of luck to you.
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