Bacelorette Party Gone Wild

**Jenny222** · 03-07-2010 11:46 AM

Thanks everyone for chiming in. I didnt mean to get everyone off on the 'drunk is no excuse' rant. Sorry. Ive been dealing with it in my own way I suppose. The guy did ask me out afterwards, but I obviously said no. I'm getting married for crying out loud! What is it with some guys!!!! I'd just be nice to talk to someone about it, thats all. Thanks for all the feedback. Jenny.

**baja** · 03-07-2010 02:49 PM

Maybe my attitude is a little different, but from my perspective, a person can do whatever they want until they get married. Why? It's your life... so live it! You made a choice, with significant risk to your health (and your fiance's) & your relationship, but if you can live with it then life goes on.

Of course, many have argued that everything leading up to marriage is a progression of ever increasing commitments and that this crossed the line... now I'm not saying she didn't line step... but my $0.04 is that the real commitment starts at "I do". So when you're saying the vow, you better mean it, otherwise save him the pain and trouble now.

**stressed** · 03-07-2010 03:22 PM

I see your point there, but don't you think that marriage is firstly a contract and then a relationship proof? It makes the couple's life more practical but the feelings don't, or shouldn't, change. You don't have to go to church in front of an audience to set your mind into being faithful to your partner, you're supposed to know that already. Married or not, when you have cheated on the person you'll be going to bed with every night for the rest of your life then you can't take it back, it's done, you've done it, marriage contract & wedding party aside.

And, certainly, it's our life, but when we set a wedding date it means that we are certain about what's going on and what we want. We don't wait 1 day before the wedding to cheat to get it out of our system. It shouldn't be in our system in the first place.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-07-2010 03:35 PM

Originally Posted by Jenny222

Thanks everyone for chiming in. I didnt mean to get everyone off on the 'drunk is no excuse' rant. Sorry. Ive been dealing with it in my own way I suppose. The guy did ask me out afterwards, but I obviously said no. I'm getting married for crying out loud! What is it with some guys!!!! I'd just be nice to talk to someone about it, thats all. Thanks for all the feedback. Jenny.

Jen, seems to me if you've "been dealing with it in your own way", there is regret.

Seems to me that you felt discusted that this guy was aiming at seeing if he could get more.

So, it seems to me that in your mind, you saw it as "last months of freedom, wearing that veil, realisation of marriage, wanted to just be cheeky, as that freedom is over, something snapped"..

This is why I said "don't get married"

However, we know that's not going to happen.

So, all you can do is justify your reason in your mind and leave it there.

Know what you know, by the comment you made above " for goodness sake, what's with men, I'm getting married" and remain in that thought pattern from here on.

It's not like you jumped 6 guys the last year or something... It was a moment thing, learn by it.

CW

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-07-2010 06:02 PM

Originally Posted by Jenny222

The guy did ask me out afterwards, but I obviously said no. I'm getting married for crying out loud! What is it with some guys!!!!

I don't think it strange he ask you out knowing you were getting married, he didn't think it strange to have sexual relations with you knowing you were getting married ... it seems grabbing a bite to eat or a coffee some time would be far less offensive.

Its good you got it off your chest and I'm glad that you are able to deal with it in a way that lets you move on with a clear conscience. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes. Some make mistakes others cringe at and think 'never'... while they thsemselves are making some sort of mistake too.

Stones, glass houses, etc.

All that being said, to baja, I don't think commitment starts at I Do. I think the true commitment starts when you tell your partner you are committed to them. For some thats in the dating phase, for some thats deeper into a relationship, for some at engagement... but I don't know many ppl that deem it acceptable to be unfaithful until the pastor says ' i now pronounce you...' and if you have so many oats to sew that they need to be done up until the very moment you say those words...you might not be ready for them to begin with.

**Mes T** · 03-07-2010 06:07 PM

I completely agree that marriage has nothing to do with the beginning of commitment.

I would never want to marry someone thinking that I was finally making our love, our relationship, official. I despise the whole notion of marriage being a "final" something, something to "tie someone down" with, something to dread because it finally means you can't be with other people.

Marriage shouldn't be about changing a relationship. In any way. IMO.

**MissAshley** · 03-07-2010 06:18 PM

This is why I absolutely do not believe in these types of bachelor(ette) parties.

**Goodgirl93** · 03-07-2010 07:09 PM

Originally Posted by Jenny222

I am 26 and engaged to be married. The date is coming up in mid-April. One of my really good friends threw me a bachelorette party last week, part of which was going out to the clubs dancing with the girls. I dont know what it is about wearing that veil and a cute oufit, but it seemed like every guy in the club was chasing our group. Long story short, I ended up letting a guy talk me into walking him to his car and we made out for awhile. Sitting there in his car, I ended up giving him head. By the time I made it back to the club, my girlfriends didnt notice I was gone and therefore didnt know what happened so I dont have anyone to get this off my chest. Its hard to stop thinking about it. Any thoughts?

I see you've gotten some pretty rough responses,and technically,they are right,but I'm not going to beat you up about and make you feel worse about yourself.In my opinion sweetheart,you did mess up,and you do need to find the courage to tell your fiance.(edit) .The longer you wait,the worse it will hurt him,and I know you don't want that.Obviously you love him,and want to marry him,but (edit) ,he may question your motives.

I would be heart broken if my boyfriend cheated on me,and we aren't even engaged,long time partners,we are a new couple,but I trust him and believe him when he says "I will never hurt you." Your fiance should be able to believe you if you were to tell him that,but now,he is going to lose much trust in you,in wich you will have to work hard to earn back.

I have to disagree with baja though.A relationship to me should be built off of trust,honesty,love,and maybe even sacrifices.What kind of relationship is it if you live your life how YOU want,having flings,and lying to your SO? Somewhat of an open relationship in my opinion,and it your case,it doesn't seem like you and your fiance are in an OR.

Just brainstorm how you are going to tell him.Are you gunna just come out about bluntly,are you going to eeze him down with it? Then you have to think what his reactions will be. Is he going to forgive you? Is he still going to want to marry you? Or is he going to call off the wedding til you can work things out? There is a lot you have to think about but really,you may want to think quick,cause the longer you wait,the more it will hurt him and you as well.Best of luck on this darlin.

**sperosi** · 03-08-2010 06:08 AM

stuff happens, and i have mixed feelings about some of the comments made by others here. whatever happened happened and it doesnt make you a bad person.

i dont understand why you are surprised the guy asked you out though. why wouldnt he want to go out with an attractive young woman?

anyway, i do believe that you might be having some second thoughts about getting married, even if it is subconsciously.

just a thought, but maybe you need to have a real talk about this with someone you trust.

**Joey** · 03-08-2010 09:38 AM

This post makes me sad

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