please give me some advice
ok ill make this quick. i met my fiance 3 years ago. he was married and i was going through a divorce. i wanted a friend to talk to about what i was going through and he was unhappy in his abusive relationship. after 8 months, i moved out of state and he went on with life. now he is divorced and ive been a single mom for the past 3 years. i am pretty set in my ways and i have to admit i have some pretty bad o.c.d's. i cant sleep if i am being touched. (another story) but it has to do with my past. he likes to hold me when he sleeps, so if i let him then i dont get any sleep. he works different shifts than i do so im up early and he gets to sleep in a while. im very particular on how i raise my kids and he is about how he raises his. he is constantly telling me how to correct my kids (5 and 8) and if i dont "do" as he would or do as he suggests, then he gets mad and is mean to all of us. now his kids (1,3,4) are perfect angels, but when i say something to him, it starts a huge fight.
he treats me very well when he wants to. however he can be VERY immature. he is over 3 years YOUNGER than i am. he has a lot to learn and thinks he is the "dominant" one in the relationship just bc he is the man. i keep telling him to grow up. the problem i have is that i will never tell him to leave and i will never break things off with him. im a fighter at heart and when there is something i want i dont give up. when he gets mad he wants to leave. im hurting but bc of who i am i cant throw him out.
AAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! i so want to scream and i cant.
help me please!
I doubt that waiting for him to "grow up" will have a result. Men never grow up, they only learn to behave as if they do. Also, most men want to believe that they are the ones who control the relationship, that they know better, regardless of their age or the age difference. You both seem to think that "the other has still things to learn" and neither of you is totally happy with each others' behaviour. You're not supposed to constantly struggle to make the other understand what is right or wrong, you're supposed to be on the same level from the start.
I sense a difference of character here that can be extremely difficult to improve: one of you must be quiet and accept what the other says just to avoid an argument. And that's not healthy for either of you.
You have to discuss your difference of opinion, what you expect from each other, what bothers you and what you're willing to change. Hurt and anger are no good signs.
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