What to do?

**Ladyaalien** · 03-03-2010 02:00 PM

Well heres my situation, I am currently living with a man who thinks only of himself, for years i had alot of female problems related to very bad fibroids i tried every option there was avaible to me with the problems i was having i wasnt able to work i was getting weaker and weaker everyday he refused to help with any kind of insurance or money to pay for my doctor. I couldnt get meducade cause my name is on the porperty we own together. So in my state I was told no help for you lil missy. So again I was at a dead end. Well last sept i ended up in the hospital almost dying after 4 weeks of bleeding so bad i changed entire outfits 4 times a day or more. Anyway my delima is this::::: He seems to think that since I couldnt help him sexually for all the years i was in a bad fix that i should give him permission to sleep around on me and he said he would not bring her back home it would be descreet, and i refused i was in bad health and dispite my bad health i did everything in my power to help him still fell like a man should, also during this time he developed a IM A MAN attitude and ill come and go as i choose and do as i choose and you can KMA in other words, Anyway back to my story i ebded up having a full and total hystorectomy and at 3 weeks of healing he was pushing me to have sex again, and i wouldnt and now that im 6 months into it he is upset cause im not back jumping his bones and tickling his fancy, PPL im trying my best but my question is why does he have to be mean and say mean things to me if he is so unhappy why dont he just leave and ive asked him that and get no answer, He travels alot for work and im afraid he is or is thoinking about an affair what am i to do? how can i tell? can anyone help me here?

**heryseshta** · 03-03-2010 02:20 PM

Why are you staying together if there is no trust? You said "the man I live with", not my fiancee or husband, have you separated in your heart? You deserve a man you love and who loves you in return. Do you think that's what you have?

**sourpuss** · 03-03-2010 02:30 PM

You deserve so much better.

**Ladyaalien** · 03-03-2010 02:31 PM

I am sorry we aren't married no even engaged, we live together or should i say coexist right now, I do love him with all my heart and soul, i just don't know hwy he has to say things to hurt me he is very controlling with his words not his actions just harsh talk, why im here i don't know other than i know i still love him.

**sourpuss** · 03-03-2010 02:32 PM

What do you love about him?

**Ladyaalien** · 03-03-2010 02:42 PM

Im comfortable with him, we dont do anything together anymore ocasionally we go out or ill go on a short work trip with him,he says it cause my grown daughter still lives at home with her 3 kids but he was like this before she moved back.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-03-2010 02:57 PM

That love word. Funny think is, is when people do finally walk, and then find someone that adores them, they always, always turn around and say what the did I love about Joe Blow?

That's a fact.

You are "comfortable" ... Well from the sounds of it you have your daughter, her 3 kids, you and him all living under one roof yes?

If you wan't my opinion, he's a tight wad. He has never helped you, with your problems, I can imagine he wasn't there for you either when you were bleeding to death so to speak, no comfort, no support, no hugs, it will be alright..

He's a tight wad. You have a house together, that's called a home, security.

He wants to stay in that security as he's put money towards it, his money.

But, he's asked you if he can sleep around you've said no, he travels and as far as I'm concerned, he's doing it anyway..

He doesn't want to leave because of money, that's all, he is not giving you any support, his name is on that house and that's his motivation to stay.

As for love? You have your daughter, your 3 grandchildren who love you un-conditionally I imagine and they will get you through it.

Just because you have problems doesn't mean that someone else is NOT going to enter your life okay..

Don't use the "love" word out of fear of having no one, better the devil you know because deep down inside you know he doesn't give you anything, and all he wants to do is take..

Sorry, but that's how I see it...

**Ladyaalien** · 03-03-2010 03:05 PM

You hit the nail on the head. I asked him why he cant comfort me and he says I do when we have sex, and he always the words have sex i rub your back or something but when i was bleeding and in alot of pain i was to the point i asked him to blow my brains out, then said to me quit being a cry baby, but when he broke his heel i wa the loving him every step of the way. I dont know why i am still here perhaps thats what i need to think about, but when i do it hurts nd i cry im stuck i dont know anymore

**sourpuss** · 03-03-2010 03:08 PM

Originally Posted by Ladyaalien

Im comfortable with him, we dont do anything together anymore ocasionally we go out or ill go on a short work trip with him,he says it cause my grown daughter still lives at home with her 3 kids but he was like this before she moved back.

I think you have you answers right there. It doesn't sound like it's good enough to put up with the negative. You can be comfortable and ocassionally go out on your own and not have all the things that make you feel bad.