my husband hit me over 7 years

**nino** · 03-05-2010 06:37 AM

hallo all i need advice about my relationship with me husband
i am marred for seven years now and i have two kids me husband hit me for all the seven years because he get angry for very silly thing and he say dirty thinks for me mum and me family .the problem that i can not leave him now because i don't wont to be alone my family is not in england and i am alone hire .maybe you not believe that my husband love me but he is he love me more than his live but he grow up with same problem his dad was hit his mum for 20 years ,
what can i say ,,,,,,,,, aim sad really sad woman now i can not focused for me degree and i really don't know what i am doing to end this problem ,i love his he is very nice person he is doctor he do every think i wont he is in finance secure i don't know whey he do that ? i can not tell my mum she is not very well and she is in another country and she love him like hire son and he love hire so much but when he get energy he forget every think .advice me please i need advice i can not stay like that i don't like him to hit me any more but i am love him .sorry about me english i am not good in it ,and i am crying always when i need to try to write me problem .......thank you

**pink rosa** · 03-05-2010 01:21 PM

i'm really sorry for you. i hope you know there are many women who share your problem and feel alone but we all care for each other , as females.
when he is coming angry , don't show him that you are afraid , just look him in the eyes then go to other room ... if he follow you just closed the door and ignore him if he yells ... he can cool off his anger by himself. then , after he is calm talk to him about it very slow. sit closed to him and touch his hand or hug him when you talk about it ... don't make it serious or awkward ... i hope maybe this will help both you and him.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-05-2010 02:06 PM

There isn't an excuse " because his Dad hit his Mum".. abuse is not on.

Listen to your heart, you say love but you also say "financially secure".

Listen to your heart, you say your always crying and you make excuses.

It's your choice, it's always your choice. You either get yourself that Degree and toughen up so you can support yourself, so you can meet other people and have your own identity, so that you can make a management decision when that all happens and be secure yourself or you sit and wallow because you made the other choice, to just sit and do nothing.

It's entirely and only up to you.

CW

**feistymiss** · 03-05-2010 03:11 PM

i read this link, and look at the two contrasting opinions. im hazarding a guess the person writing asking for support is not of "our" culture, the western culture, and really ok, this isnt the issue, she is asking for support and for someone to hear how she feels, how complicated this is. i mean, look at the following advice, to get out, to make steps to become a stronger person....yaddah yaddah. has anyone who has been in this situation ever truly escaped. i tell you. NO. you can walk, but you cant rub out this misery, the trap that it is. when you marry, you want it to work, and then when anger and abuse happens, what do you do.... walk out, no, course you dont, you try, and its only when you cant cope with the abuse any longer do you turn to another, to ask for their support. its not just a case of come on, we will stop it for you, or take this advice. there is NO advice. its when you are in it and when you are not. things are not as simple as walk away. and its all well and good saying believe, or tell yourself this, or that. anyone who has experienced abuse in any form, knows how it is a shock to the system, to the core of your self. its not just about walking away. and yes, we might love that person doing the abuse, we may even add to the abuse, and thats about relating, and relationships ... and i will probably get shot down in flames and this post wont even make it, cos it will be deemed to be shocking or unhelpful. but its certainly realistic thats for sure. i prefer the stance that the person posting got some level of support by response. two contrasting views, thats for sure. but i bet the person who put the post is still in the situation, cos its never that easy to just WALK

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-05-2010 03:37 PM

feistymiss.

hallo all i need advice about my relationship with me husband

This is the opening line of the OP... "The" posters gave their / my advice, thoughts, opinions.

Whilst I understand your logic in "needing support", and "culture", when an OP asks for "advice", then the posters will respond to that and have.

All posters "also" want support as well. I understand as well, that it is in deed difficult to walk, to leave but do you not think that a different culture suffers the same? That they too can not get their head around the word abuse, that they too can not leave until they are ready?

The only reason sometimes someone can not leave where Culture is concerned is that in their culture to do so means death.

the problem that i can not leave him now because i don't wont to be alone my family is not in england and i am alone hire

The OP has not stated that at all, she has stated it's because she doesn't want to be alone, in England and probably can not get back to her family. There is no danger, rather, she is in an abusive relationship that she can not see as being abusive because she understands that, that is how he is, how his Father was, maybe even how that "culture is" but the bottom line is she asked for advice and she stated that she didn't want to leave because she didn't want to be alone.

Your remarks in realty are valid. Your remarks on the posters responses are bordering attacking and putting them down.

So I remind you to by all means have your opinion as to how you read the thread but be very careful in how you word remarks made by other posters.

This forum does not judge. It's here for everyone, to have their own take, views on how they read a post.

CW

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-05-2010 04:40 PM

To the OP.

What I wrote may have sounded harsh but it's reality.

Why? Because I came from an abusive relationship myself, because I said " I loved him" and because I couldn't concentrate on my business and because I didn't think I had an option to leave and because I believe in marriage.

So my advise to you is what I wrote, why? Because I chose to take those steps and better my thought pattern, realise what was going on, get my shirt together and work harder and leave.

Where am I now?

In the most amazing loved relationship with no boundries, no pain, and full support of my journey whilst I rebuild what otherwise I would have totally lost, in the knowing that even if I lost, he would be there for me, loving me, and supporting me regardless with no abuse, no crying, no pain.

CW

**stressed** · 03-06-2010 02:36 AM

Can't you stay at a university residence? Since money is not an issue, you can try to save some and either live with a student roommate or have your own room in a hall of residence. You won't be able to focus on your degree if he's abusive towards you, you cannot achieve anything in fear.

Married or not, with a different or similar cultural background, nobody can have a life with an abusive partner and to advise someone to stay in such a relationship is equally abusive as the person who commits the abuse.

**nino** · 03-06-2010 02:48 AM

thank you all for your support , i can not walk away now as i said becuse i dont know where should i go ,,but when i stand on my feeb i will do for sure even i knew that it is very hard do do so for me and for him becuse he is very kind man and becuse the love between us but still i can not be like that iam profesional person like him know and i know how wrong is that . thank you every one agine to every one how gave the advice and my broblem ,.

**nino** · 03-06-2010 03:00 AM

thank you for you streesd it is very hard to live in a room with other in the minet or share a flat becuse i have two kids and that is very hard you know no body will wont that ....and you right i can not focus on my degree but i am fighting to complet it becuse this is the only think how can make me stand .and about my kids they live in very high standard know i can not breing them down is not for me is just for them ...and i will walk away from him back to germany.