difficult problem

**claire marshall** · 03-06-2010 01:36 PM

i share a computer with my partner and i have found some ''pictures'' which i am horrified about i thought at first they were of women but they are of cross dressers and transvestites and I'm lost as what to do , we have a great relation ship and i have never had any idea he was hiding a secret , i have not said a word about this and i don't think he has any idea i have found them , has anyone any advice as what to do ? I'm hopping it's only a curiosity thing he has got and he's not a cross dresser

**ocularone** · 03-06-2010 02:01 PM

when you say "partner" are you meaning your significant other, or a business partner or something?

**claire marshall** · 03-06-2010 02:04 PM

sorry should have said significant other / fiance

**ocularone** · 03-06-2010 02:12 PM

No that's alright

Well seeing as how he is a man, engaged to a woman would create more of an issue than if you were both transvestites. I have my own opinion about pornography, any kind, when in a committed relationship but i wont go into that now. The larger issue is the fact that it seems like your fiancè is either sexually attracted to (what i assume is male) transvestites and/or intrigued with the idea of crossdressing. I personally think the best thing you can do is to bring it up one day. Seeing as how you both are aware of each other using the computer, i wouldn't say it was an invasion of his privacy. Unless he had a folder that said "My stuff..dont look in this folder claire!!". Maybe you guys can open up a dialogue into what exactly about those pictures made him want to save them. Is he attracted to transvestites? What about them attracts him? Is he/does he want to be a cross-dresser? And so on... the best thing for this situation is to hear from him what's going on. Just be sure to do it in a manner that IS NOT accusatory or demeaning. Seek to understand

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 03-06-2010 03:47 PM

Unfortunately, you came across it.. It happened. You share a computer.

You are engaged. Marriage is a very important step in life, you would hope it's for life and you need it to be compatible and above all you need to have no secrets.

If I was you? I would mention it, let him know and ask him what it means to him, why he looks at it, etc in a calm, rational way and then follow your inner gut feeling on the answers and how you feel about it.

CW

**claire marshall** · 03-06-2010 09:58 PM

thank you for your replies , i should have mentioned i did not find the pictures in any of his personal files they were or still are in a shared file , i think he must have duplicated a file by mistake or in a hurry , i don't believe he left then for me to see , i am thinking about asking him outright but he is such a lovely guy and i just don't want to total freak him out

**stressed** · 03-07-2010 01:18 AM

He will freak out but you have to ask him. It's something you deserve to know. There's no perfect way of bringing it up, you just do.

**p3375** · 03-07-2010 02:36 AM

Soooo - what if he says 'yes - I think about dressing up like a woman sometimes..." what then??
P

**stressed** · 03-07-2010 02:50 AM

... or that men dressed as women excite him

Although I bet my left thumb he's going to say "I was just curious".

**Hopeless Dork** · 03-07-2010 10:22 AM

First I want to ask you were those the ONLY porn pictures found? Was there other types of regular women too... or was it ALL guys dress as women? Was it one or two or dozens?

I ask the first question because it could be just something he browsed along with a million other things. I ask the second question because it would indicate if it was just a passing 'oh thats interesting' interest or an all out fascination.

Ask him about it. Don't cry, don't yell, don't make assumptions, don't accuse... Just ask. This is not something you want to sweep under a rug, find out what it is for him, and then decide how you feel about that.