I want a baby, he doesn't (yet)
I know there's not a whole lot I can do about this, so I guess I'm really just hoping someone out there maybe is going through the same thing so I can feel less-alone.
Our tentative plan is late summer/early fall...but for the past few months, I've been battling baby fever on-and-off.
It's just hard because financially now is probably the best time, but he thinks we should wait until early fall so I can have the baby right before summer break.
I'm just having a really hard time with this. I'll be ok for a while, and then out of nowhere, I'm anxious and a little depressed.
Is there anyone who is going through the same thing?
I think a lot of women go through this. But the good thing is that he actually does want to have a baby, so you don't have that to worry about. 5 months will fly by, believe it or not.
I think you should just focus on prepping your mind and body for being pregnant. That should occupy your mind for the time being.
Is it possible that his wanting to delay means he isn't sure about the whole thing? If so, please don't pressure him. This is a really complicated subject - some people feel they "should" have a baby, especially if their spouse wants one. Having a child is a tremendous commitment - more than anything else you do in your life.
I was going to ask that as well. Does he really want one, or is he stalling in hopes that it won't happen? I do agree with rcoreyus, definitely have a talk with your husband and make sure you are both on the same page as far as actually wanting kids altogether.
I can understand exactly where you are coming from, I can relate to this because me and my fiance are going through the same situation as we speak. My fiance feels as if we might not be 100% financially stable to afford another life in the household. I partly understand his point, but in the next breath, we are not struggling either. I have talked to various mothers and to be quite frank , unless your rich nobody is 100% financially stable. Im approacing my 30's and I just think that this is the best time to have a baby! Is there anybody out there that can give me some guidance on how to handle this situation. Although I know its not much that I can do if both parties are not on the same level as far as this situation goes, please somebody give me some insight!
rcoreyus and sourpuss - he definitely wants kids. When we were first talking about getting married, we had the kid talk. We both just want 2...a boy and a girl (I know, we're dreaming, right? haha). He's just such a PLANNER! I am, too, but I also feel you need to leave room for plans to change because 90% of the time, your plans don't work out. And we've only talked about it a few times. I know I bring it up WAY less than other wives I know. I know pressuring him only makes things worse, so I usually don't say a word and I definitely hide my tears.
We're financially "in control". We have lots of debt paid off, but more to go (student loans). But we just reached the point where we're not nearly zero-ing out our bank account each time we do the budget. My husband has had constant work and is expecting to make double what he usually does in the next few months. So really, we're in the best place financially that we could be or will be in for quite a while.
Now, his point is we should try and plan it so I can have the baby before summer break. But again, plans have a way of not working out and also, it's hard (from what I hear) to plan out when you conceive like that. I really don't want to only have a few months window of TTC and if we don't end up conceiving, having to wait a whole other year to try again. The wait is what's killing me.
I'm just really torn. I've been having a really hard time lately. I'm crazy emotional about it...nearly in tears every day...but I don't talk to him about it because it's not a conversation we haven't had before and I don't think there's any convincing him. I don't even want to try convincing him because I don't want to get shot down.
I feel like there's a hole that needs to be filled...not to sound cliche. But really. I feel unfulfilled. Which I'm really trying not to feel. It's not that I don't love him and love our time together, I think I'm just really feeling that primal desire to be a mom. People tell me ALL THE TIME what a great mom I'll be and it kinda drives me nuts sometimes. It makes it 10x harder with each person that says that.
takara - thanks for sharing your struggles, too. It really does help to know I'm not the only one.
Aren't you only talking about a matter of months? You want to try now, March/April, he wants to wait until the fall, right?
If I remember right, you've had a couple of close calls, the tests have been negative, then you crash emotionally. Right? Pregnancy is hugely emotional. I don't think getting yourself worked up over a couple of months is doing you any good. Take a breather and relax. In a month or two, talk to him about maybe starting in August or so, because you have had some close calls that resulted in negative tests. You may not get pregnant right away, sometimes guys fail to understand that.
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Amen
Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
Oh Dear.
Do Not have a child thinking they will "fill a void" or fulfill you. Having a child will change your life but perhaps not in the ways you think. If you are feeling a void in your life it might be a good idea to explore that and determine what is going on with that. Kids are great, I have two and wouldn't trade them for the world. But they are a huge committment and resonsibility and often more likely to amplify any issues you have rather than resolve them.
Really I would encourage you to get your debt all paid off first. The unexpected has a way of happening and your life will be easier if you don't walk into parenthood with a load of debt. Usually when you are in a "fever" over anything, it's a good idea to give it more time.
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
You're right, LanaBear, it is only a couple of months, but that really feels a lot longer to me. Sometimes time just seems to creep by and that's how it is for me right now. Our scares were largely irrational in the past - neither of us has ever had experience with that. I know my body a lot better now.
It would literally take us decades to pay off our debt. I have over $2500 in student loans and my husband is accruing more because he's in school. We've paid off a lot of tax and credit card debt and my parents are currently paying my student loan bills and we help out when we can. I would literally be in my mid-30s/early-40s if we waited until all our debt was paid off.
I fully understand I'm an emotional woman. It comes with the territory, right? I was just hoping for a little encouragement to hear of someone else who knows how I feel so I don't feel so isolated (as everyone I know is pregnant or does not want kids, I have no one to talk to).
For sweetpea85 and takara: I'm still feeling a little uneasy about what I am hearing. A child is a lifelong enormous commitment, it really doesn't matter when you have it. When men want a "delay" I always get suspicious that they are having second thoughts - and they should: second, third, fourth thoughts. After they have had all those thoughs and when they are sure, then they should go ahead.
Have you considered spending a lot of time with young children first? Maybe even join a foster parent program. My wife and I did that, and after 6 months decided that we absolutely didn't want a child of our own - and she had been convinced that she did before we tried.
I'm not trying to be all negative on children. Many people truly are made happy by their children. Its is just that some are not - and it is not a decision you can ever reverse.
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