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Reply With QuoteCould his lack of interest in sex be related to trying for a baby? Maybe he has doubts, or is nervous?
Aggravated!
I don't know what's happened lately, but I am getting married in May to a guy I have been with for 2 years in June. We had decided to start trying for a baby in January or February, everything was good. Now it's like we're friends more than anything else romantically. We don't have sex hardly ever, it feels that way to me anyway. I think I'm the only one who misses itWhen we first got together we had sex just about every night and during the day so when we go 3 or 4 days without it it feels like a lot longer. To me it doesn't feel like he even loves me as much as he used to...why else would we not have sex?? I go to bed early because I get tired earlier and he likes to stay up late and watch TV or read. On nights where I mention I want to have sex he still doesn't go to bed when I do so I just go ahead and try to fall asleep. It feels like something is definitely not right in our relationship but at this point I don't know what to do. He tells me I don't talk to him but I have..repeatedly..it doesn't do any good! I'm ready to give up.
Could his lack of interest in sex be related to trying for a baby? Maybe he has doubts, or is nervous?
Do you have to have it in bed? How about the couch, a chair, up against the wall?
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
i think there seems to be something bothering him, i dont know if it your relationship, or work problems. also there can the problem of men who prefer to masturbate and get rid of sexual tension that way. i dont know how you will get him to talk about whatever it is (no torture allowed LOL!!) but it seems to be something you need to deal with sooner rather than later.
I'm with wc's line of reasoning... if he won't join you in bed, perhaps try inniciating in the room he's in before going to bed. If he's responsive to that perhaps he just needed a little spice added to get him in the mood or perhaps he didn't realize sex was what you wanted when you said you were going to bed.
If that doesn't work out, communication is really the best thing. Letting him know how it makes you feel when he doesn't join you in the bed... that you feel like he's losing interest in you. Ask him if there are things you could do that he would like, tell him things you would like him to do.
Too often things left unsaid lead to hurt feelings that don't have to be, misunderstandings etc... you might think he knows what you want but there is no way to really know for sure that he does until you talk about it.
And don't talk about it in an accusing way, nothing ever gets resolved when someone feels under attack. But rather approach him with your concerns and give him the opportunity to talk freely to you about his wants and needs while you share your own.
Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
I think there's a difference in talking and communicating.
Is there laughter in your lives?
Sounds like your living separate lives in a way, your off to bed early that's your choice, he wants to stay up and that's his choice, but what's wrong with spontaneous sex? Does it have to be a bed? As an example.
Don't hold things in, look seriously at what you have and are happy with and what you don't have and aren't happy with, it's not sex, that's only one component, don't allow yourselves to drift apart, it takes a heck of an amount of work to keep a relationship in the lust phase, in all facets, laughter, fun, doing things together, sharing things, cooking together even, and off course sex, any time, anywhere....
Make a list of what is missing and sit down with him over dinner, smile and tell him you love him and tell him he's your best friend but it's time to go backwards so you can both go forwards, ask him what he would like, maybe he'd like to see you in something sexy, maybe you always where tracksuits as an example, because you two are used to each other so you relax on those things.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
As usual CM's advice is good - make sure you're really communicating!
Trying for a baby may have him stressed. So may the wedding, especially if you two are financing it on your own or if you are spending a lot of time getting it "perfect". He may feel that this is just all too much at once, and be backing off because he's not sure how to tell you without sounding insulting. He may also be having second thoughts, or having some personal issues that you need to discuss. You won't know unless you sit down and -really- talk! And yes, listen. I still use the wording I learned in high school for relationship talks: "I feel....(happy/sad/worried) when you...(listen/don't listen/don't seem interested) I want/need...(you to keep doing this/stop doing this/tell me how you feel)" That way, you're not putting it on him or making him feel like he needs to defend himself. You're stepping back and telling him YOUR side, and then you can ask him for his own words. He may come out with "YOU wanted the baby!", or "It's just the wedding stress" (which may be a hint that he's feeling overwhelmed and needs to step back and take a planning break - not a break from the relationship!), or he may simply feel like your going to bed earlier is a sign that you're not willing to wait up till he feels ready for fun (in which case you may be able to compromise... can you stay up later on certain nights, and cuddle, do a movie night, play games? Can he come to bed when he's not tired, if you're interested in sex?).
Hopefully you can get to the bottom of this! Good luck!
These are questions to get you thinking (not in any way judging you).
Why are you two getting married?
What things/feelings do you love about your relationship?
What things/feelings do you not like about your relationship?
Is it missing the actual sex that's really bothering you, or is it the feeling of not feeling 100% sure he is really in love with you?To me it doesn't feel like he even loves me as much as he used to...why else would we not have sex??
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