is texting another women considered cheating

**kittekat** · 04-01-2010 12:39 PM

ok me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years now have a 2 yr old daughter together and have other kids from past relations. i just recently found a text message of his privates that he sent to another women and she sent them back, so we split, then i desided to give him another chance but there is a lot of trust building he has to do, well now since i blocked them from contacting eachother through there cell phones now he has started texting another women that he hasnt talked to since we have been together and its usually late at night like 10 pm. he says he learned his lesson the first time and that they are just friends. the last women we was texting like 50 times a day 2 or 3 times a week, this one is been 2 or 3 texts a day one day is was 13. and from what i understand at one point he got drunk and tried sleeping with this girl 4 yrs ago and she denied him lol. i also blocked her numbers. i dont know what to think i wanna keep my family together but i will not deal with this also, we r going to couseling starting on april 8th.

**p3375** · 04-01-2010 01:21 PM

If it wasn't 'cheating', he'd be doing it with you at his side. No he's hiding relationships from you, yes it's dishonest and what I'd call 'cheating' .

You know this, of course.

Hope the counseling helps, but he does have a history of 'repeat offenses', doesn't he.

Oh, don't bother blocking the numbers - if he wants to make contact, he'll find a way.

**KMonte85** · 04-01-2010 01:25 PM

Texting a person of the opposite sex isn't necessarily cheating. They could just be friends... it really depends on the content of the text, how it was meant, and how he behaves about it (ie, trying to keep it a secret from you). 50 texts a day seems excessive to me, but then again I'm not a big texter. There are people in this world that send 1,000 texts per day - so 50 txts to to one person may not seem like a lot to someone who texts a ton.

blocking those women's #s from his phone will not fix the problem. He could easily get on a computer and text them from there, or get another phone you don't know about, or as he already has done he could just start texting another woman whose number has not been blocked.

You need to get to the root of the problem - which I think you're on the path to doing with the counselling. That will be a huge first step in working through this together, but there's one thing you have to keep in mind - he needs to actually want to stop. All the councelling in the world won't make him change his behavior if he doesn't actually want to! Hopefully, he just needs to see how this is affecting the relationship to want to quit the behavior, but counselling will definitely help to guide you to making the right decisions about your future together!

**Hopeless Dork** · 04-01-2010 01:48 PM

If he's trying to earn your trust after sending out pics of his penis .... talking to a girl he tried to sleep with 4 years ago is really the wrong way to go about it.

Either he subconciously or consciously wants this relationship to end and so is sabotoging your reconciliation or he just extremely selfish.

Neither makes him sound like too great of a boyfriend. I know you have a baby and family and want to make this work. I am glad you are going to counseling and hopefully he can decide he wants to make it work too.

You are his girlfriend. You are having to take on the role of parole officer, blocking numbers and scanning phone bills etc.... its not fair to you. You shouldn't have to protect him from himself. He's a grown man and a dad, he should be fully capable of not doing the things that jeapordize your relationship all on his own.

If not, you are going to always have to be looking over your shoulder. He has to take responsability for his actions. If texting a girl his penis hurts your feelings (a completely normal response btw, it IS cheating in my opinion) he should not do it. He shouldn't have to have you make it technically impossible in order for him to control himself.

I really hope counseling helps him realize whats important and how to protect it.

**KMonte85** · 04-01-2010 01:52 PM

oh - yeah i missed the entire sentence where you said he texted her a picture of his privates. In my book, that is DEFINITELY CHEATING!

**mdraven380** · 04-01-2010 02:29 PM

I consider that cheating.
I freaked out when I found out my last bf was texting his ex wife.
We ended up breaking up because of it. We have no children so I guess it was a little easier to deal with even though it did hurt very bad.
Good luck to you.

**kittekat** · 04-01-2010 04:35 PM

ok well he never slept with this girl cause she supposably said no so i dint know what really happened but i know he will find another way if he wants to continue doing this so hopefully the counseling will help

**Joy** · 04-01-2010 10:01 PM

are you his mother or his gf?? really you shouldn't have to block every person's number in the world in order to feel secure in this relationship. He has to make some decisions on what type of man he wants to be when he grows up. I hope counsiling helps but really he has to make a choice is he going to put his energy into chasing other women for attention or is he going to be a good father and husband/bf. sounds like he has insecurity issues and has to be adored by the masses in order to feel good about himself.

**purplelicious** · 04-06-2010 07:33 AM

Sorry Girl I have to agree with the Rest. It is definetly CHEATING...even if he didn't send a pic of his privates, it is cheating, and dishonest. He is not trustworthy if it's his second time. Also your hurting yourself more by blocking all those #s, you shouldn't have to do that. but there are plenty of ways to make contact, so blocking #s is not stopping him from doing what he wants to do, if he learned his lesson the 1st time he shouldn't found another sexting buddy. I really hope counceling helps and everything turns out your way..l.Good Luck and keep us posted..

**Maximus** · 04-06-2010 08:03 AM

If the nature of the messages are friendly, and not seeking intimacy either of the mind or the body (texting leading to sex), pure human-to-human communication I don't see a problem.

From what you say it seems like the texts are reaching out to something else.
Then they are clearly wrong.