Husband cheated and is now leaving!!

**Jamie_H** · 04-06-2010 08:33 AM

Hi all! Well, where to begin? First off my husnad and I have been together for four years and recently got married about..well on the 12th it would have 2 years. I found out last month he cheated on me with someone he goes to school with. It started out texting and then I discovered it..he stopped and then I found out he had been meeting here before and after school "messing around" is the term he used. Well, I took him back and we went to counseling..one time! And he came to me this past Saturday and told me he was terribly unhappy and wanted to live the single life again.

My world has been turned upside down. I am so hurt and angry. He is moving out this week, already found a place, removed himself from our cell phone plan, made sure to password protect his phone and is already meeting up with here and many more women from his school.

I feel like the wool has been pulled over my eyes. I love him so much and am not sure how to be alone. I just don't know what to do with myself. I find myself thinking about this all day. I can't eat, can't sleep, I'm pretty much crying all day and thats followed by hatred towards him. He is having no reaction to at all. I try not cry in front of him but it is hard to keep it together. I would think after 4 years of all that we done, built and been through he would be a little torn up..right?? He tells me that he still loves me and always will but he's just happy..his heart is no longer happy.

I never saw this coming. I thought he was happy, I thought we were happy.

How do I get through this??

Jamie

**MissMeSha810** · 04-06-2010 09:10 AM

Hey sweets. I'm very sorry that you had to find these things out. I have to tell you that it will take you some time. If you can {especially when he is around} be strong because it will take you awhile to heal. Your best bet would be to start fresh {if you can}. Start by looking for a new place to stay. Depending on your strength level {I don't know for sure} you may not want to stay in the same place that the two of you have built a home together. Looking for a new residence will also keep your mind off of the matter at hand. Revise your life and make a new strategy because it is just you now, so you must make this fit around your life and how you want them to be.

Being around friends or going out on the town is good {avoid the rebound for now, even though the saying goes 'The only way to get OVER your old man is to get UNDER a new one...lol} You wanna focus on you for right now. Just try not to stay bottled up in the house. Grab a news paper, see some sights, go shopping and get a makeover. Above all....DO YOU!!!! I hope I have helped and wipe those tears girl! You're about to flood your house!!! LOL Hope I made you laugh too

**LanaBear** · 04-06-2010 10:24 AM

Hugs to you!

I'm sure it is tough and it will continue to be tough for a while, but you deserve so much more. A man who can be faithful and love only you. A man who is as invested into a relationship with you as you are with him.

Continue those counseling sessions for yourself and focus on nothing but you for a while. Hopefully you have a wide support network of people that you can lean on and have a shoulder to cry on. You definitely have us, so don't be a stranger. Take your anger out on something constructive. Find a new hobby, something that you can learn and get your mind off of all this.

You'll grieve the end of the relationship, but that is okay. You can't move on without getting over it.

**Joy** · 04-06-2010 10:38 AM

your heart will heal... until then it will hurt. You can get thru this and you will the best thing to do is put one foot infront of the other and go live a good life.

He had this planned out a bit it seems and I think it is natural to be angry at that... it seems a lil spineless. I think in the long run you will see you are better off without this man. Find a positive outlet for that anger and see what life has to offer.

**rcoreyus** · 04-06-2010 11:18 AM

I'm very sorry to hear your situation. It sounds like he was never the man you thought he was and in the long run it is better to find that out now rather than later. For now though I know it is miserable

**Hopeless Dork** · 04-06-2010 12:16 PM

If you saw this coming it would still hurt , but I think it coming as such a surprise is a double whammy. It sounds like he had commitment issues early on, the cheating, and you showed your willingness to work through anything because you love him.

But just think of how that unconditional, faithful love was being wasted on a man that so obviously didn't deserve that from you.

He will get to a point in his life that he will wish he had the kind of love and dedication that you have provided him with... he'll realize how rare it is. But I guess right now he just doesn't see that. And by the time he does it will hopefully be too late and you will be with a man that knows how to appreciate what he has.

Your gonna hurt. You're going to cry, get angry, feel empty, and then cycle right on back through all that again. You're going to miss him, the him he was once, the him you thought he was, the him you wanted him to be.

But when you find yourself longing for him you have stop and remind yourself of the real him. The him that cheated. The him that took you for granted and left you without any hint of remorse.

It will sting but it will keep you in reality, and stifle off those feelings of longing for him.

Busy your mind. Busy it anyway possible. Take on an extra shift at work, take an extra class , start a time consuming work out regimine, joint some social clubs etc...

We all know time and space and distance from the hurt is the only thing that can make it better. There is no magic drug to get to the other side of the pain. So the best 'cure' is to stay busy, the more busy you are the less time you have to hurt.

Taking up a cause, volunteering , doing something with your time that matters for people that appreciate your efforts might be a great way to rebuild your self-esteem and realize what a worthwhile person you are even if he's too blinded by selfishness to care.

Stay busy, stay in reality, and let time work its magic.

**Jamie_H** · 04-07-2010 06:32 AM

Thanks for all of the words of wisdom and for the advice. I felt better when I got it out and went home yesterday and packed all of his stuff and told him he needed to get out. He is coming today with a moving truck to get it all and said he found a little apartment. All he could was complain because he had no money to move or anywhere to stay until he was able to move.
Thats honestly not problem, I wasn't the one who wanted out so he just needs to figure it out.

I felt really good last night! Then, I woke up this morning and walked into the living just to see all of his things and brokedown again. It's so hard, honestly this is the hardest thing I have ever been through. I know I will eventually move on, but it's hard to see that right now. I'm lonely and thinking about him all the time.

Everyone keeps telling me that I am young and will find love again. That i will find someone who loves me unconditionally and that I will be enough for him. I hope that is true, I just don't know if I will ever be able to give myself 100% again or if I will trust whole heartedly again. I gave my husband all of me and only asked that he be there for me, emotionally. He couldn't do that because he had given himself to another women. He had a connection with her and in turn gave that up with me. She was new, different and exciting to him and I wasn't anymore, no matter how hard I tried.

In order form me to find peace and to move on I have to forgive him. I have to say.."I forgive you and hope you can forgive yourself". A big part of me will always love him, he was my first love and I will mourn our loss for a while.

**Joy** · 04-07-2010 12:57 PM

Its ok to mourn that loss get it all out of your system. You will give yourself 100% again. If you don't.... then you are going to be holding some other man responsible for your x husbands mistakes. That will just cripple your next relationship. Wait all the time in the world before getting involved again. Find your happy balanced center again. Your husband has some deep seeded insecurities if he has to cycle thru and find the "new and improved" that is his problem that if he doesn't deal with he will keep living that cycle. You worry about you and work on your self development.

I wish your heart the best and you are correct in forgiving him and set yourself free of his problems and mistakes. You don't need to carry that around in life.

**Messymiss** · 04-07-2010 07:45 PM

Just be thankful you did not have children to this man. He was oviously never the man you thought he was or he would not have been able to do this to you. Children would make it one thousands times harder to let go. You would also feel obligated to the children to keep the marriage together and you would have lived the most miserable life. Far worse than what you are going through here. You will move on. it will take time, but when you do you will be very thankful that you were in a position to totally let go. Good luck Jamie.