Thread: Am I on the wrong path

If you had broken your ankle you would give it
time to heal. Even after the cast was off, you'd
baby that ankle and after a few months, you'd
start with the heels, or the running, to be sure.

The same with a heart.

Often you fall in love with someone in your ambit.
It is a kind of sop to your ego to your body.

Cathy and Dave were University grads when the
marriage went sour and Cathy wound up in an
affair with Ken. Ken worked on the campus in
maintenance. Cathy was in love with Ken now.
And they lived together.

One day Cathy was discussing her passion
which was the Black Death. Ken had no idea
what she was saying, and in the middle of a
brilliant bit of academia turned on the television.

At that point Cathy realised she didn't even
like Ken. He was just there to replace the
space Dave had left.

You don't want to find yourself in that position.

The best thing for you is to do something somewhere
else...that is move away at least for a time and stop
seeing this chap.

You have to get yourself back together first.

Thanks for the advice Kaylar, I figured your answer would be that. What if he was your best friend before you actually got serious? This makes it really hard not to talk to him because I find myself constantly wanting to call to talk to him because that is what I am used to doing. I also don't want to lose him because he is the total opposite of my ex-husband and treats me the way I feel I deserve to be treated, like someone who matters and my ex did not treat me that way.

Question one...
Why didn't you marry him in the first place?

A lot of times someone gets 'cast' into a role.

For example...
Cathy.. Dave, her equal, treated her like dirt,
Ken, the maintenance guy, treated her like a
queen.

Well, Ken was looking good.
But it wasn't Ken.
It was a man who treated her like a queen.

If there never had been a Dave, there
surely never would be a Ken.

But the point is...at this moment in time...
can you be sure that best friend is best
friend because of himself, or because he
is there?

Take a situation in which Cathy went to
another campus. She kept in contact
with Ken...but he began to pale. Meeting
people more like her, Ken got dimmer and
dimmer.

So, suppose Cathy, five months later is
talking about her ex...and goes from
her ex to this new guy she's seeing,
leaving out Ken?

I know a case in which that happened...
very similar to your situation. Where
her 'Ken' was her best friend, and they
were deep in a relationship right after
her divorce from 'Dave', and she had
taken a great job in another city.

Someone who had been her best
friend mentioned 'Ken' to her, and
it was like...'who?'

The only way you'll know if your 'Ken'
is really the man for you is if you go
somewhere else for a while, and find
out.

I'm sorry your marriage didn't work out. That is a tragic experience for anybody. During the initial phases after my divorce I was not thinking completely clearly. So, I understand why you mom told you that. If your best friend has already been supportive, I don't see a problem with you all still being there for each other. At least you already know this person is there for you. Being that he is already in love makes it even a deeper consideration. Right now I think you should just continue to date until you are back to normal emotionally. Don't make any serious commitment for a year. If you two still together then,it probably is the real deal. Good luck to you both!

Thanks to both of you for your advice. I think I will try to just keep it as simple as possible and we probably won't see as much of eachother this summer so I think that will be a real test to give me some time alone and to see if I am emotionally ready for a new relationship.