He gets to join soccer leagues but I dont get to take dance classes
Okay so since we are paying cash upfront for our wedding this year I have had to make a lot of sacrifices- 1) Car Lease was up in Sept decided to wait until after the wedding to get new one 2) Limited mani and pedis to once a month now 3) Gave up facials 4) Basically gave up shopping for this timeframe 5) Gave up my morningstarbucks , you get the picture right? Today he informs me he joined another soccer league, So he gets to play on 2 soccer leagues, plus he will be joining a baseball league but we cant afford my dance classes. He doesnt get how much dance means to me but I have to understand how much soccer means to him? WTF??
What is the cost differences between the sports leagues and dance classes? For me this makes a big difference on how I view this matter :-) if they both cost around the same I can see your frustration and would agree that is lopsided. On the other hand, I've played in plenty of leagues that didn't really cost anything, meanwhile I know dance classes can usually be costly.
"I met in the street a very poor young man who was in love. His hat was old, his coat worn, his cloak was out at the elbows, the water passed through his shoes, - and the stars through his soul."- Victor Hugo
I agree with him. IMO, it all depends on the cost, not the activity. In our soccer league, it's about $100 a season, 2 seasons a year, 3-4 months a season. I spend $80 ever 2-3 weeks on mani/pedi/brow wax, so in that time frame I would have spent about $480 in those 3 months compared to his $100 soccer fee. If we were looking to save some additional money, I would be cutting back on my extras before I expected him to, that's for sure.
Friendship Prayer
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
Amen
Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.
I agree with both posts, but I totally appreciate where you're coming from too. Perhaps there are expenses and areas that your finace is cutting back on that you're not aware of? I get the "slap in the face" that you're feeling, having him join the league without even consulting you about it - perhaps that's the real "frustration" that you're feeling - less about the actual league, more about the "hey, I just joined a league - how's the instant coffee that you've been making every morning trating you?" thing....
I'm not exactly trying to defend the guy, BUT maybe he didn't think it was something that needed to be discussed because the costs is not even an issue? I can see how it would upset her but i don't think i would just jump to the conclusion that he just was being selfish and didn't care about her and wants her to drink instant coffee every morning. Besides these aren't sacrifices that are being FORCED on to her per se. Its a joint effort and starbucks is freakin expensive! :-P It is very possible this soccer league has hardly no cost and in his mind wasn't even an issue. Then again he could be a selfish jerk and wants only her to sacrifice..who knows i was just pointing out we shouldnt jump to one side or the other without having all the info. Besides i can't help but feel this post is laced with a little bit of irritation just at the fact you guys are having to cut back some in order to afford the wedding. I would try not to let that frustration turn this into a boxing match of the penny pinchers, so to speak
"I met in the street a very poor young man who was in love. His hat was old, his coat worn, his cloak was out at the elbows, the water passed through his shoes, - and the stars through his soul."- Victor Hugo
Set aside some money for each of you to spend how you want on fun.
Simplify the wedding. Many people spend so much on the wedding that they start off deep in debt. Even if you are paying for all upfront, why not make it sweet and simple and save more for other things that are important?
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
Lets put money aside, does he understand why you are borthered? Do you understand him? I am a newly wed and understand that money is hard to deal with and it can be hard to come by. Being married we have to give up alot of things. Marriage is not about 50 to 50 , it is both parties giving it their all, 100 to 100, or more. With that said, it can be a give and take relationship, sometimes. If he gets something, then you need something too. If one cost more than the other, then maybe you all should start from the begining . There maybe something that you want that cost alot less then you guys think. And I am sure that there could be something that he could do differenty. Maybe you guys should try doing something together. It sounds like talking might be the best step to take. If you don't understand each other, then no matter what, you guys will not work out the probelm.
I am not sure about the money, but I do understand about the passion for dancing. I have been a dancer and have been instructing for the last year. I have given up a lot and everyone has sacrificed for my passion. It has caused problems with every boyfriend I have ever had to some degree over it. With my current bf we had problems, and he loves music and playing guitar. During one of his band practices I had to bring up examples of how him getting in that zone, doing what he loves to do and not knowing anything else around him, is exactly how I feel when it comes to dancing, and he finally started to understand.
In any case, to save money, for the time being, you may want to give up lessons temporarily for getting involved in some of the dance events in your area.
From your other threads, it sounds as if, you make more money than he does. Your paying cash so that you both do not have a debt, correct? And, if I am correct, your contribution is higher? Your sacrifices are higher?
And, if you don't mind so people can get a picture, he also has a Porn addiction that he is getting treatement for, twice a month, perhaps, just perhaps, this soccer and baseball is necessary for him, that being, keeping him away from magazines and a computer and alternatively, giving him something more "healthy" to do?
Perhaps he has an addictive personality but even if he does, changing it from Porn to Sport is a very good step.. Once you let go of one and have another to go onto you usually forget the first one.
I also noted that it's your intentions to start a family with him, and that your 35 and have been with him since 2007...
I was 35 when I met my "ex" husband, first time married, no children. Don't marry just because of "marriage/children" make sure you love him, as you stated, he is good to you, but do you love him?
Seems that you have issues you "don't like about him" and when you couple that with age, children, I fear for people that "settle" in order to have that child... in wedlock.
Why not tell us what you "love" about him.. Because at present, that's two threads that states what you don't like about him, including the lack of sex.
And, if your putting more money towards all of this on top, you may really not be upset at all about soccer, rather, your upset that you feel that you are compromising more than he is.. It's not 50/50 i your eyes and so your upset...
If your getting married, then start a bank account where you put 50/50 each towards the wedding but at the same time, you "both" have some things that you enjoy and spend money on...
For you, giving up something you enjoy and love or something you want, and to see someone else, spending money even if as Lana said, is "small", it's about what you have given up not about the money in which case, you need to sort this out now, before marriage.
This is about equality and you don't feel that. It will manifiest and you will start another thread of something else you don't like.
Have a serious think about if this is all the right thing for you or your more worried about age.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
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