Would you forgive a drunk cheater?
I've been pondering about this for a while now. I haven't been cheated by a drunk boyfriend and I don't see it happening (well, nobody can be certain of anything in life). But I do wonder how many of you feel they would certainly break up if their SO cheated with a stranger and then said s/he was too drunk, it wouldn't happen otherwise, s/he is very sorry, won't do it again, it meant nothing and so on.
Do you think it's easier to forgive a drunken cheating situation than one where no alcohol has been involved, or does it not matter at all? I know it does not matter in theory, cheating is cheating, but what about real life? Would you end it all over a night of bad drinking or try to move on?
I think I could forgive someone for cheating depending on the circumstances. That being said, I would find it a lot harder to forgive/accept a partner who drank to the point of being drunk on any level.
A few glasses of wine at a dinner party or relaxing in the summer with a beer or two is one thing. But once you're no longer a kid living the college party life, there's really no excuse to get drunk on a regular basis.
I used to when I was young, have this saying " If you love someone, set them free, if they come back to you, they're yours, if they don't they never were" and, so in that, I also realised "youth" and that, boys will be boys.
Basically, I never got jealous and my first boyfriend did, but it didn't bother me, because it was me he kept coming back to..
There was an element of power there for some reason.
Today? I can visualise, drunk, hormones, flirting, men. But, the type of man that would act that way in my opinion? One that isn't happy at home and so, therefore, feeds of the attention, then gets himself into trouble.
So, no.. I wouldn't because it would clearly tell me my worth in his world.
CW
Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
It doesn't happen over night
if truth were to be told.
Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
you must believe!
Originally Posted by CHANDLERS WISH
Exactly what I have in mind.
What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility. - Leo Tolstoy
The clearest explanation for failure of any marriage is that two people are incompatible; that is, one is male and the other female. - Anna Quindlen
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I'd forgive a lot of things - once. Drunk or not doesn't matter to me, I accept that people make mistakes and deserve second chances. (but not 100th chances).
To me, cheating doesn't matter at all - but I'm considering other bad mistakes.
I would not forgive drunken cheating because, let's face it, even when we're drunk, we're still perfectly aware of what we're doing (unless we're on the verge of passing out).
What if the same person has already made a couple of idiotic and hurtful mistakes while drunk, but not cheated? Cheating on top of that would probably make me explode.
But what else can be worse than cheating? What if this SO, who cheated, didn't make you feel wanted and sex was bad? To cheat in such a case would feel horrible, no matter how much they beg for forgiveness afterwards.
What if he tells you he doesn't remember, or that he did pass out afterwards? (although, in such a case it would be rather difficult to perform, but it all also depends on what is considered cheating. Making out can also be considered cheating).
I guess, what I'm talking about is cases where the SO honestly doesn't remember what happened exactly, lost control, has regretted it and feels awful about it (the next day). I've read a few such threads here.
On the one hand, drunk or not, cheating hurts anyway, but on the other hand how easy can it be to leave it all behind due to alcohol?
There's also the point of view that the cheater should have known better than drink as much as to not know what he's doing, so therefore cannot be trusted again.
But is it worth breaking up over such an incident, if you look at the whole picture (assuming there are no other problems in the relationship)?
I know it varies with each couple and case, but I do find all your answers very interesting.
So far, only two people would forgive their SO in this thread...
I might "forgive" him in a case that you described (and I personally DO consider making out cheating as well. I'm pretty strict in this regard)... but I would never get over it, and a break-up would be imminent. Mainly for my own mental health and sanity.
I know this from a previous experience. I never got over some things he had done, and it just ate away at me more and more the longer I was with him.
I agree with you. Even if it can be "forgiven" as an isolated incident, it's something very difficult to let go and can affect other aspects of the relationship. I also consider making out cheating.
I've read in other forums about couples who've made it through such problems, but it took them years to do so. But, I don't know, thinking of your SO all over someone else (even if we think that sex must be able to be enjoyed freely, as we're discussing in the 'sex section') is hard to let go. It would make me feel disgusted, even if he'd beg and cry.
Thinking about it, though, it's sad how lives and years can be ruined over one night of 'accidental' cheating.
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