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Thread: Excessive Text messaging to a "friend"

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    Default Excessive Text messaging to a "friend"


    My boyfriend of one year recently got caught with hundreds of text messages from a female friend. Just a little background: he is friends with the couple next door, both the husband and wife text him and he texts them both. We both agreed to give up our close friends of the opposite sex to avoid problems. Now I found on his phone record that he and the neighbor friend have been texting behind my back. Always during the day while I'm at work, one day 120 messages, another day 80, and then in some instances daily calls, sometimes the calls were only a minute long. Is there any chance that these two are really close friends, like brother and sister like they claim? Supposedly the texts were about her marital problems and he was offering advice.

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    WH Assistant Head Moderator Array LanaBear's Avatar
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    What was the content of the texts? If they are really close, brother and sister like, then I'm sure there is no issue with you seeing them, right?

    I wouldn't jump the, he's being unfaithful bandwagon, until you get a chance to talk to them both. What does she say?

    120 messages, in one day, that is insanely too much regardless of who he is texting, IMO.
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    WH Moderator - JUNE 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH- Array KMonte85's Avatar
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    120 seems like a LOT to me too, but then again I know people who send 600 texts to their friends per day... so maybe what quantity is considered too much is subjective.

    I agree with Lana that it would depend on the tone of the content in those texts, if they were just "talk" or if there was some innuendo/flirting going on back and forth... if he's got nothing to hide, you should be able to look at his phone and read what the texts say. I think that's a reasonable request, so start with that.
    Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
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    Obviously he covered his tracks and erased them all before I found them, and she refuses to call and explain it to me after I asked for an explanantion.
    He was extremely upset when I found out how many there were.

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    WH Assistant Head Moderator Array LanaBear's Avatar
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    If you are neighbors, go over and ask her. Tell him you are going over to talk to her about the situation, tell him he's more than welcome to join you.

    Him covering his tracks is rather sketchy.
    Friendship Prayer
    May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
    Amen

    Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.



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    WH Moderator - JUNE 2011 POSTER OF THE MONTH- Array KMonte85's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by LanaBear View Post
    Him covering his tracks is rather sketchy.

    Agreed!


    Although, I would try to talk it out with hubby before marching over to the neighbor lady for an explanation. If he was noticably upset that you found the amount of texts, then tell him he needs to explain himself (why so much? why the phone calls? why deleting the msgs when you knew I found out?). Also, you probably can gauge his reaction better than hers - she could lie to your face and you may not know, but I bet you can tell when you're hubby is lying by how he acts...

    If he clams up and won't talk, then I'd tell hubby you're going to have a conversation with the neighbors and perhaps he'd like to join you...
    Most of the shadows of this life are caused by our standing in our own sunshine.
    Ralph Waldo Emerson



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    TEAM ADMIN Array CHANDLERS WISH's Avatar
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    If you have nothing to hide, you don't have to hide the context of the text messages.

    They're neighbours, pop your head over the fence and talk about the problem for 10 minutes or so and then go on your way, about your day.

    120 text messages in one day, why not talk? Why talk for 1 minute and continue texting...

    The fact she wan't talk to you either, means she's not your friend, only his friend.

    And, he's got too much time on his hands daily to even go along that path, so tell him to get out there and find work to help you...

    CW
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    you must believe!

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    Junior Member Array Messymiss's Avatar
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    Default This stinks

    I dont like the smell of this at all. She should not be dependening on him that much. 120 texts is obsessive in my eyes. She should be seeing a councelor. I dont think it is up to your husband to be that involved. Not even slightly appropriate if you ask me. Even if it is just friendship I dont feel it is right at all.

    Messy

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    VIP Member Array lushley666's Avatar
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    Crikey - I have never sent that many texts to anyone - even my boyfriend!! I would have to dig further or it would eat away at me....sorry......

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    VIP Member Array Joey's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lushley666 View Post
    Crikey - I have never sent that many texts to anyone - even my boyfriend!! I would have to dig further or it would eat away at me....sorry......
    i agree with all that you say. I dont send that many to my boyfriend either! it would eat away at me too.

    It would hack me off that the female neighbour isnt actually talking to her own husband about their marital problems if you see what i mean? especially as their marital problems have nothing to do with your guy.

    like said before by the other lovelies, why does he need to cover his tracks if theres nothing going on? and why does she refuse to give an explanation if nothing wrong has happened? surely you would want to explain to clear the awkward air.
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