Thread: Im so scared!

It is hard to know exactly where you are in
this relationship.
Trying to be superwoman doesn't work.
Many of us tried and either had burn out
or screwed up everything simply because
you can't go everything at the same time.

The trick is to cut work and work related stuff
down to a minimum.

To not go into work when you don't have to,
and to be home as much as you can when you
can.

The weekends become family times...
so for instance, if you go to the supermarket...
take time make it a family day, a social outing, or
shop on your way home every day.

I used to stop at the supermarket every day
in the week on my way home. In this way
it gives you a bit of unwind time before you
reach home.

I'd go, chat to various people, pick up this
and that, then go home.

On weekends I set ventures, Saturday
was one pool, Sunday was a brunch at
another pool.

Along with this was every conceivable
expo available.

Also, I practiced the be here now.
Be home when you're home and
don't worry about anything.

Just enjoy every day. Forget about
work when you're not there.

Thanks for the info, and yes I know its hard for you to know exactly where I am in this marriage. Basically I know that most of the problems start with me, and Im willing to do better, but it just hurts me to know that he has been so unhappy for sometime. He has his faults too. He is a wonderful father, but I feel like he is still hung up on fun fun fun! Life and family is not always fun and games and someone has to be the adult in the family and be serious. He says I put everything before him, and though, in the bible you are suppose to put your spouse before your kids, it is still hard to prioritize. Long story short! How in the world can I make him understand that I am happy and do want to be as happy as we were when we first got married.

A lot of times pressure changes you...
you have to be here, you have to do this...
work work more work.

Let it go and just be irresponsible.
Enjoy now.

I had a friend, worked very hard. Made pots
of money. Used to work on weekends. Had
a lot of activities for her kids so they wouldn't
appreciate she wasn't there.

Eventually, when she looked around, she was
alone. Virtually begging people to visit her
taking people out to dinner just to have
human contact.

The husband was long gone, the kids had
their own lives.

Marriage is an evolving situation. It takes both of you to make the marriage work. It seems you both work full-time jobs. You didn't state that he helps you with the kids or around the house. If he doesn't that would explain why you are tired and frustrated. It would help you to organize you situation as much as possible. For example, cook on certain days (hopefully you don't have to cook everyday so you'll get a break). Wash on Tuesdays etc. Talk to him about helping out so you can have some more time together. Also, try to get a baby sister at least once a week. Yes, the correct religious order is to put your husband first, but it also states "husbands should love their wives as Christ loves the church".
Hopefully, you can communicate and work things out. Your husband seems to have put all of the responsiblity on you.

Thanks Commonsense, everything you said is exactly true. Im sorry Im just getting around to respond, but I have been working religiously at trying to repair my marriage. Things seem to be getting alot better, I have been trying to work on some "self" issues with me so I can be the kind of wife and mother that I need to be. My problems with lack of self confidence seems to be the root of these problems, as well as trying to do everything on my own, and doing it perfectly. Now that I know that he has been unhappy, I just seem to read into everything that he says or does now. Im still scared I guess. He just keeps saying that he has put it in God's hands, and prays everyday that God will lead both of us in the right direction, and gives us the strength to gain back the kind of love and relationship we both had when we first met. I know you guys dont know the whole story, because its hard to give the whole picture, but just know that I appreciate your input, and It feels good to know that Im not the only one who has issues. Small ones compared to some of the other posts. Thanks again.

Hi, just from your previous posts it sounds like you may be stressed out and your body cant handle it so any little thing can set you off! Try not to focus on your fears of him leaving and focus on getting your life in order get very organized so that you wont feel all crazy when things go wrong or not as you planned. Emotions can store in your body and creates lots of health problems so make sure you are keeping them in check and ENJOY your life! Its a possibility your adrenals are too stressed to function properly so little stresses seem like big stresses! That can be helped with your diet!

Thanks for the input, you are also right, I am VERY stressed out! I need to chill. I just dont know how. Im so use to the hurry, hurry, hurry in my life, that I forget about me. I am trying to make everyone happy, especially my husband, that I am xtra stressed. I dont know what to do, for the last few weeks ive been really trying to focus on the positive things in my life and put out more positive energy, but Im still having trouble with his concerns about us. I seem to be reading into everything he says and does, and having crazy thoughts about what he is doing when Im not around. I think Im loosing my mind. One day Im ok, and the next day Im not. Help

if you think you are that uptight about things, then lighten up. and if you dont think that you are uptight, then thats just an excuse he's making.