how to trust again?

**whit4488** · 05-02-2010 09:51 PM

im hoping i can get some useful advice. i left a 4 year relationship that had major trust issues, i could not trust him at all, on the phone, computer or when i left, i always felt he was up to something fishy (which came to find out he was) and i left. now i have began a serious relationship with my new man and he is absolutely WONDERFUL, he has had some BAD relationships as well, two past girlfriends have cheated on him, that good guy that always ended up with the bad girl. he wore his heart on his sleeve, his heart always got broken. but with each girl, he always gave them the benefit of the doubt, he is SO trusting even with the bad scenarios in his past. WHY CANT I BE THIS WAY WITH HIM?! he gives me the benefit of the doubt so why cant i? he has alot of friends that are girls, but i have friends that are guys, we are very honest and open with each other and have very good communication we can TALK ABOUT ANYTHING, were the best of friends! however how do i get all this insecure untrusting negative thoughts of out my head, how do i learn to trust him and give him the same courtesy he gives me, he deserves that, and i want a healthy relationship with him...please any advice on how to trust again. he has done nothing but be amazing to me and hasnt done a thing to lose my trust, any advice is greatly appreciated. thanks!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-03-2010 12:49 AM

he has done nothing but be amazing to me and hasnt done a thing to lose my trust

,

Write that quote on a post it sticker and read it every single day...

You know, everyone goes through bad relationships, and mainly because of various reasons of not trusting themselves, not believing in themselves, not thinking they deserve better.

Then one day someone good comes into their lives. They pinch themselves and ask if it's real, and in that, they don't trust it, because they don't believe in themselves, not thinking they deserve it.

And, usually, that relationship fails. And, they go back to what they knew.

Call it in-security. Or, call it, not loving yourself, respecting yourself enough to know that you deserve an honest, healthy, loving relationship.

It's your past you have to let go of. Because if you allow your past to enter your present, there is no future.

Let go of all that has happened, and realise that you are worth it, you do deserve this relationship and love being in it.

On another note. With each mistake we make, we learn by it, sometimes we make the mistake more than once, twice, usually because we're not ready... But you've learnt from what you don't want.. And, you have what you do want. Concentrate on smiling in that knowing that you've crossed the line, you're not going backwards anymore, you do deserve all of this. And, it's yours... Trust.

CW

**whit4488** · 05-03-2010 02:27 AM

wow chandler, you hit the nail right on the head with this! thank you so much, you are so right, and this is so very much helpful for me! i do deserve this, and as does he, so i will keep reminding myself of that!

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-03-2010 02:42 AM

You better, or else I'm going to copy and paste and PM you every single day until you do

**stressed** · 05-03-2010 02:48 PM

You have to value everything he does that makes you feel he is trustworthy. He has had equally bad relationships as you have had, probably even worse since he has been cheated on twice, but he still has faith in you. He doesn't want to change who he is and it is wonderful that he trusts you. You can trust him too, over time. He has no reason to lie to you, but I can understand that you need more time to recover from your previous relationship.

It's very easy to think "my ex did it, I was right to be concerned, so this one will do the same", but it is not worth it. Your man is not your ex and you are not the same person you were while you were with you ex. You have learnt from it, it has made you more careful, but you can still trust this man. It is not his fault your ex behaved like he did.

You can tell him about your insecurities, that you don't think it is his fault but need some time to adjust to this wonderful relationship, that you hope he understands and you have to practically make small steps into gaining his trust. Think about every little thing that makes you doubt him and work with it. Is it his friends? Is it one friend in particular? Is it some things he says? Does he not always answer the phone? Take one doubt at a time, ask for his help and try to improve. It's not impossible and it's worth the effort. It can take a long time, months, years, but you have to keep reminding yourself that he is not your ex, but a totally different man.

I wish you the best of luck.

**LOVEHURTS1234** · 05-11-2010 09:14 AM

Originally Posted by whit4488

im hoping i can get some useful advice. i left a 4 year relationship that had major trust issues, i could not trust him at all, on the phone, computer or when i left, i always felt he was up to something fishy (which came to find out he was) and i left. now i have began a serious relationship with my new man and he is absolutely WONDERFUL, he has had some BAD relationships as well, two past girlfriends have cheated on him, that good guy that always ended up with the bad girl. he wore his heart on his sleeve, his heart always got broken. but with each girl, he always gave them the benefit of the doubt, he is SO trusting even with the bad scenarios in his past. WHY CANT I BE THIS WAY WITH HIM?! he gives me the benefit of the doubt so why cant i? he has alot of friends that are girls, but i have friends that are guys, we are very honest and open with each other and have very good communication we can TALK ABOUT ANYTHING, were the best of friends! however how do i get all this insecure untrusting negative thoughts of out my head, how do i learn to trust him and give him the same courtesy he gives me, he deserves that, and i want a healthy relationship with him...please any advice on how to trust again. he has done nothing but be amazing to me and hasnt done a thing to lose my trust, any advice is greatly appreciated. thanks!

if i was you ,i would follow what my heart is saying , not what my head id telling you,look we all get hurt in life,and we all come upon a jerk in life too!!!but ll you been saying is how great this guy is, well if you dont let that guard down a little at a time,you just might lose the right one. and remember this it you work hard at your job, well with any relationship its like your job,when you work hard, you go places in a company its the same with a relationship, just remember that. the guy sounds perfect and maybe this one is your payday!! good luck!!