Broken heart - please help...

**tillie** · 05-06-2010 05:39 PM

Hi everyone,
I am new to this site but thought I would reach out as I am desperate for any advice/support. I am nearly 32 and the love of my life has decided to officially end our relationship. We were together for over 3.5yrs and have a beautiful home together along with our pets. I have struggled with significant eating disorders (anorexia mostly) for 14 years and for multiple reasons my condition detiorated significantly last fall. Mike has been trying all along to support me through recovery but sadly I was not able to return to a healthy place. On December 30th 2009 he decided to end our relationship b/c he could no longer tolerate my eating disoder, so I moved back home to my parents while he has lived in our house. All the while he had not yet made up his mind about whether he really wanted to end "us" finally. Just this morning he told me he wants to sell the house and that he has made up his mind- we are over. Words cannot describe the immense sadness, heartbreak, and pain I am experiencing right now. I have been working so hard to recover (more then I ever have) since our initial split (of course with the hope that he would want to rekindle our relationship if he saw me finally recovering). I now feel that there is no point - I have never loved anyone more in my life and I'm afraid I will never get over this pain. I have already gone through a divorce and other immensely painful experiences in my life, but nothing seems to compare to this. I realize that I should focus on myself, move on, and recover for me, but at the moment I feel defeated, helpless, lonely and a complete failure. If anyone could lend me advice or support I would greatly appreciate it.

**eleni** · 05-06-2010 06:02 PM

oh my love im so so sorry.

i wish i could make you believe that it *is* worth it to recover for yourself.
i know how hard it is to be both the ill person and the well person in a relationship and both of them are hard.

i completely understand though about feeling that there is no point to getting better and that you may as well just give in to the eating disorder.
try and be good to yourself.
you deserve it okay? even if it doesnt feel like it now

if there is ANYTHING i can do to help please please let me know.

im so sorry and im here if you need me x

**Joey** · 05-07-2010 01:03 AM

Lovely I am so sorry to hear this. It breaks my heart because I know how it feels and how much it hurts.

You have done the right thing moving back to the family home for the time being. you will be surrounded by the people who love you and will support you every step of the way. I got through my Heart break with the support of my family and friends, and especially with your eating disorder and the courage and effort you have put into the recovery process - you need the support of people around you to help you through this tough time, and to give you the encouragement to continue your recovery process.

you are NOT a complete failure. You are amazing and strong. It will take time, but you will pull through.

You will have amazing support from everyone on here as i can guarentee that alot of members on here have gone through the same thing.

Your not alone. xxx

**kishjo2004** · 05-07-2010 01:50 AM

I'm so sorry to hear this. It's tragedy when any relationship is severed especially marriage. You are in a very fragile state now & it may be hard to see past the pain. You MUST focus FIRST on getting and STAYING healthy before rekindling your relationship. Good luck & Best wishes honey.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-07-2010 02:49 AM

and a complete failure.

You are not a failure. A failure is someone who never tries.

The hardest thing to do is to gain the "willpower", "courage", to change.

It can stare you in the face, and you'll ignore it, to a degree, only half hap hazedly, attempt to change.

This is your chance. You were in a comfort zone, you were in a happy place, but still it wasn't happy enough for you to succeed. I know that, as I am there, and yet I am fighting with gutzo to quit smoking, fighting myself, I am finally where I want to be and yet, I rebel.

There was a saying stated to me " When we reach this place in our life, where everything has found its place, then there is no need to endulge in the past habits. We have ougrown ourselves. " "I am very happy with you".

Ask yourself, are you in that place? Were you?

You are not a failure...
You are not a failure...
You are not a failure...

Keep trying, believe, get that will power, know you can do it and fight...

I am...

And, I will win...

And, so will you...

Look at this as another hurdle, stepping stone, tell Mike, you agree, but you want to hang off for 3 months on the sale...

Give yourself a time phrame and work it, if you were in your happy place, then work it, you can do it...

And, as I assume you have to sign that Contract of Sale, 3 months isn't long to ask to wait, and he can't sell until your ready either, so don't change the time phrame, but this may just give you your wish ..... and all you need is time......

You can do it this time...

You have time...

CW

**tillie** · 05-07-2010 05:16 PM

Thank you so much for all your kind words and encouragement. Knowing I am not alone provides great relief...to reach out to a complete stranger to give support is truly appreciated.

**Hopeless Dork** · 05-07-2010 06:25 PM

Heartbreak is worse than any other injury, truly. But unlike any other injury... the chances of a full recovery are 100% guarenteed... the treatment: time. It sounds so cliche, I know, but its a cliche for a reason. A week from now won't hurt as bad as today and a month from now even less and a year from now you'll have to struggle to remember what this moment felt like... and beyond that, you'll remember you hurt then, but the pain will be completely vanquished.

The treatment being time, you have to find a way to spend yours in a way that keeps you busy, keeps you motivitated... idle hands gives you way too much energy to focus on this -- get involved with something that will take a lot out of you. Be it taking a class you always wanted to take, going on a trip you always wanted to go on, or taking on an extra shift at work and trying to get ahead on your career.

Embrace your friends, your family. Let them comfort you. And find others that you can comfort, whether its volunteer work or a sick aunt, etc... doing something where you are serving someone else will give you some perspective on your own problems.

Keep up with your recovery on the eating disorder. Its affected your life too long and at too much cost. Instead of beating yourself up about having it in the first place... let this incident be the catalyst that moves you forward in recovery rather than pull you away from it.

**grrrr** · 05-07-2010 11:30 PM

Eating disorders are really hard... it's wonderful that you're getting help. Don't let your relationship derail you from your recovery.

I'm saddened to hear that you're going through all of this.

You have to be strong for yourself and for all of those around you who love and care about you! You're not a failure. Just remember that for every hardship that you overcome, you'll become stronger!

You're STONG! You're getting healthier and healthier everyday.... and as long as you love yourself, everything will fall into place the way that it should. I know that's cheezy, but I think that it's true!

Buck up my friend!