Any clue why he doesn't want to have sex with me?

**Curious wife** · 05-07-2010 11:48 PM

My husbands not to old he has no problem getting an erection hes not on any prescriptions and when we do have sex its great..(well it usually is)

I say these things because I have been searching for answer to this questions for an hour and every time I think I find an answer it turns out they already know why and I am still left here wondering why..

My husband has told me no every single time I have tried to imitate sex with him
He swears hes not A. Gay b. Cheating. C. turned off that I initiated it in fact he said he likes it when I do.

So what the heck left is there? I think I have attempted and failed 10 times in the last two months. It makes me feel like I'm a disgusting piece of nothing and I even get embarrassed to the point I have ended up sleeping on the couch because it takes a lot of self esteem and courage to attempt it.

and in the last 2 months he hasn't tried to have sex with me at all.
We have only had sex I think 3 times and it unfortunately it really felt like it was done just because we are married and thats what your supposed to do. we were both bored in bed and were like ok why not..

Blah.. So anyway ANY clues or ideas or any ways you think I could talkt o him and figure this out once in for all would be great!!!

**rlpaquette** · 05-08-2010 03:16 AM

my husband and I go through the same thing. We are still pretty young and just got married a year ago and I thought that we were going to have sex like rabbits. No quite... when we have sex it is great but I have been turned down a bunch of time as well. I know he is faithful and I trust him. He said that honestly it is his sex drive. When he was in his teens, his sex drive was on overdrive, now he said that he wants sex but not all the time. I talked to other women about it and they said that it is a blessing...? I am at the point in my life where my sex drive is in overdrive and it sometime sucks that we have to be patient...never thought I would have to be! I am in good shape and take very good care of my self. He is a smoker and doesn't workout... so I sometimes think that is the problem...I don't really have the answer but I know what you mean. Just hang in there. I am always looking for new ways to spice things up and be very honest when you need loving!

**rcoreyus** · 05-09-2010 05:59 AM

First, you are not alone, there are a lot of other posters here with this problem - and is is a very difficult one. Has he give any reason at all? Do you have any guesses? Has he always been like this, or did it start suddenly?

**BasketCase** · 05-09-2010 06:15 AM

This is a hard one because so many people on this site are having the same problem. And all situations are different. No one really has the answer.

Do:
*Try a few things. Figure out what he is into. These things can change overtime.
*Sleep naked.
*Tell him some new things that you are interested in trying. New things seem to bring back old flames.
*Buy toys and sexy nightys.

*Jump into bed one night, naked, start to play with yourself in front of him. All the while talking about how much you want him. And how attractive he is. (ego boost)
*Buy new clothes and things for yourself, and fix up nice. I think sometimes when we get comfortable in a relationship we tend to just rush around in sweats most of the time. But is you feel sexy and you have confidence, he will notice.
Don't:
*Ask him if he's gay or cheating. (unless you have reason to think he is)
*Make him feel insecure about it.
*Put to much pressure on him.
*Sleep on the couch.
*Complain about it

This problem can be caused by a number of things. Stress at work, insucerities on his part about pleasing you, deppression, anxiety, problems at home(do you argue a lot?), children, maybe a physical problem on his part. But most importantly talk to him seriously. Explain your problem and listen to what he has to say about it. You may find that he under a lot of pressure and therefore can't perform properly.

**Curious wife** · 05-10-2010 05:43 PM

Thank you everyone Especially rlpaquette My husband also smokes & didn't work out.
But, we just recently joined a gym and he is on the path to quitting smoking so maybe when he starts getting his old self back it will change.. Thanks guys you guys made me feel 100% better!