How Can I Help My Fiance With His Problem?

**starlightlou** · 05-11-2010 01:25 AM

Hi I'm 26 Have 2 Daughters 2 and 6 My Fiance Is 25 We Have Been Together 4 And A Half Years Now. Over The Past Year And Half Hes Been Worrying About His Face Saying Hes Ugly. Been Taking Tablets For Acne Wen His Skins Fine. Hes Had Co2 Lazer 9 months Ago On 1 Of His Cheeks Then 2 months Ago Had Lazer Resurfacing On Both Cheeks. He Wont Go Out Anywhere Hes Depressed And Down And Seeing A Conceller He Wont Even Talk To Me About His Problems Or How He Feels He Would Rather Talk To People On-line. Hes Always In The Mirror Looking At Every Inch Of His Face Its Starting To Affecting Our Life Because We Don't Spend Time Together Hug Kiss Or Have Sex Much Its Like Twice A Month. Hes Now Considering More Lazer On The Whole Face Buy The Way These Lazers Cost Money We Ain't Got. I'm Sceared Hes Going To Get To Much Done. I Feel Down And Stressed But Never Show It Because Of Our Girls I Cry Wen I'm Alone Just Want To Know What To Do. Because I Don't Want It To Affect Our Girls He Is A Great Dad An Fiance Deep Down

Any Advice Would Be Great full Thank You

**sourpuss** · 05-11-2010 11:31 AM

Is he seeing the counselor for his insecurities about his face? Sounds obsessive compulsive. Are there other areas that he focuses on like this?

**starlightlou** · 05-11-2010 11:43 PM

No Its His Face Nothin Else Bothers Him Its Kinda Getting Me Down. Hes Going Seeing Some1 At The Weekend About Havig His Face Done Again. Its Madness Because He Is A Good Looking Person

**eleni** · 05-12-2010 01:58 PM

body dysmorphic disorder.

look it up and get him to a psychiatrist.

this spirals quickly and i've seen people do hideous injuries to themselves trying to compensate for perceived imperfections.

x

**grrrr** · 05-15-2010 12:24 AM

eleni's right. He has BDD... honestly, there's nothing that you can do about it, he needs to seek professional help. It's something that people don't take seriously, but it is a documented and serious condition.

With therapy he can get "better" - maybe not 100% but better. I have a friend who was convinced that he looked like a "monster" for a LONG time. He's not entirely comfortable within his skin now, but he's so much better after therapy. I really think that therapy saved his life.....

**starlightlou** · 05-20-2010 12:59 AM

Awww Thanx Guys For Your Help Im Going To Look This Up Today An Gona Try Get Him Proper Help If He Will Let Me. I Wouldnt Change A Thing About Myself I Dont See The Need To Your Born Who You Are Rite

Its All A Little Confusing To Me Hes Going For A Laser Tester On His Skin This Weekend So Hes Going Threw With The Full Face

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 05-20-2010 03:31 AM

I actually wanted to just say what great advice from the members on this Forum

I'd be wondering as well as to whether or not "people" are trying to convince him he needs it, sees a weak spot in him and want money out of him..

CW

**starlightlou** · 05-20-2010 05:04 AM

Thats What I Was Thinking Iv Looked At The Disorder An Didn't Realize It Can Be Serious. I Want To Help Him But Don't Know How To Go About It Guess I Just Have Take 1 Step At A Time. Least He Is Seeing A Counceler At The Min Thats All I Know Because I Saw Appointment Cards And Asked Him He Just Said Hes Seeing A Counceler. Didn't Tell Me What For I Presume Its For His Condition Of Paranoia Stress Low Self Esteem An That

**grrrr** · 05-20-2010 06:50 PM

Here's a book that your finace may find helpful:

The Broken Mirror: Understanding and Treating Body Dysmorphic Disorder

Katharine A. Phillips M.D.

My friend read it, and I read it after he did so that I could get a better understanding of what he was going through. It may be helpful - and I'm sure that there are other books out there as well which could provide both of you more insight.

I think that BDD is one of those disorders that people are embarrassed about. It's not something to be ashamed to talk about whatsoever. I wish your fiance the best of luck, and make sure that you let him know that this isn't something that he has to fear.... or be ashamed of AT ALL! It's probably more common than both of you think.

**starlightlou** · 05-21-2010 12:40 AM

Awww Thanks Ill Have A Look For That Book. He Had Little Talk Lastnite Not Much But Still Helped. Just The Fact He Said He's Gona Try Get Help Next Week But Why Is He Getting Him Self In Debt To Pay For His Face. Its Costing Around £1000 Witch We Have not Got We Just Manage To Pay Our Bills Cloth And Feed Our Kids. He Knows All This The Sooner He Gets The Help The Better It Will Be For Him