PLEASE tell me how to get rid of my husband friends

**so..sick..of..it** · 05-23-2010 09:30 PM

hello everyone!
So my boyfriend finally propose and we got married a month ago. we live in a 1 bedroom apartment. We are both 27 and this is the firts time both of us live out our parents home. I am unemployed so im always home so i try to keep a clean organized home. Well my problem is that my husband friends are always in my home; They find out my husbands day off before i do so they can make plans with my husband. And did i mention that they also work together (in the same department).

They are loud, they eat everything in the frigde or the pantry, they make the kitchen, living room and bathroom a mess, take showers in my bathroom and most night sleep over on my new couch, they try to make my husband go out to drink and party.

They try to instigate fights between my husband and i. They are both single and they dont like me cuz i guess i broke the triangle between the 3 of them, since my husbands car and money were the ones used on every vacation, party or place that they want it to go.

So please give an advice on this, i seriously dont know what to do; also i've talk to my husband about this and he doesnt see any problem with it and it worries me that it gets worse. i know it seems like im making a huge deal out of it but this is really making me unhappy.

sorry that is so long =\ but i need to let it out someway, i dont have friends i just move to this state

**jns** · 05-23-2010 10:25 PM

Hmm... It seems that you have to "sour the milk", to take a phrase from Star Trek. Figure a way to have enough food for you and your husband to eat, but not his free-loading friends. Do you have any friends in the apartment building? Maybe you could store something with them, if you do. Then you have to "borrow it" when the free-loaders have eaten everything.

Your husband is immature in not standing up for you, but he has probably known his friends for a longer time and has loyalties to them. Make it so that he sees what problems they cause without directly telling him, such as not having breakfast due to his friends eating everything. Make sure you ask him to go and get you breakfast and lunch before he goes to work.

My wife and I have an inside joke where we call such people "locusts" in Thai.

Are you still in love with him and is he still in love with you?

**kira** · 05-23-2010 11:00 PM

I don't think he sounds any less mature than most people. I think he just sounds like a pushover. His friends seem to have been using him for some time now. I'm doubting he will ever stand up to his friends and if he finally does he's probably going to tell them you are the reason making them try even harder to break you up. I'd have told him long ago that if he wants friends over he gets to clean up after them and then sit back and wait it out while mentioning every time I used the bathroom or kitchen what a mess it is. Works quite well to remind your husband you can't cook supper or bake cookies because the kitchen is too trashed. Food motivates pretty well and suddenly dishes get done. Just because you are home all day doesn't mean you are maid and making him clean up after his friends means when he does mention something to them it's more likely he'll complain about the work he has to do instead of the work you have to do.

**Mes T** · 05-23-2010 11:15 PM

Make them buy the flippin' food. What are you, rich?

Make them clean up the house after themselves. Are they toddlers?

Someone has gotta put their foot down. I agree with the comment that your husband sounds like a push over. Who knows, maybe they're not really his friends after all, your hubby just happens to have the things they need.

If you make them take care of themselves when they come over, that might motivate them to stop.

Do they call beforehand, asking permission?? If they do, tell them NO, you cannot come over today, I am busy doing other things around the house.

**LanaBear** · 05-23-2010 11:30 PM

Kira and Mes are right! Make them cook, clean and bring over their own food. There's no reason for you to do it all, if they don't like it, well, they don't have to come over. And don't wait for your hubby to say anything. Next time they are over, well, you don't have enough food for everyone, sorry guys. If they do eat something, well boys, be sure to clean up after yourselves. Just go right ahead and load your dishes into the dishwasher, etc.

My bet, after a while of this, they become really RESPECTFUL or stop coming around.

**so..sick..of..it** · 05-24-2010 01:57 AM

i totally agree with all of you, he is a pushover and ive make him clean i few times but apparently not enough. And ive told his friends to clean up after themselfs too (they have, but just the dishes) i have no friends on the building or the city; ive hide some of the food but they look EVERYWHERE. theyre like hienas and have no respect or manners. Its soooo annoying and they just show up they dont even call before ( they have show up while we are having sex and my moronic husband has open the door) can you believe that? he says its hard for him to concetrate again Grrr. And i have told my husband many time that they are not his friends cuz they dont respect him and they just use him to get what they want.

when we started dating i wouldnt say nothing to him about his friends cuz he only has sister, so i thought that he just need it some male bonding. but as time went by and the things they did a realize that theyre just using him and he is so a pushover that he confuses that with friendship. seriously, if they really care about him they would only want for him to be happy and not try to break us appart.

One of them hes know 3 years before me, and the other just a few months before me. The last one is the worst, i had a fight with him a couple o weeks ago after we went to a club and he was drunk, on the way back (as usual my husband driving him to his house cuz he doesnt even have a car) he call me a during a conversation-and he wasnt joking at all and my husband didnt do anything or said anything, this hurt me sooo bad; ive left my career, family and friends behind to move here, and this is what i get? i dont know how much more i can take, im so depressed!

**so..sick..of..it** · 05-24-2010 01:59 AM

Thank you for your responses =)

**so..sick..of..it** · 05-24-2010 02:07 AM

on the last section i meant that he call me a 3 times during a conversation, not directly but i was the only girl and it doesnt take much to figure it out.

**Joey** · 05-24-2010 04:45 AM

This would quite literally drive me insane.

they sound 27 going on 17. Have you mentioned anything to your husband? Can he actually see whats happeneing here?

**WildChild** · 05-24-2010 06:59 AM

You and your husband need some ground rules.
1. When you are having sex or being intimate, the phones are off and the door is unanswered - that is your time and not interruptable for anything less than a fire or natural disaster.
2. These "guests" may come over only twice a week
3. No more dropping in unannounced
4. Your home is not a hotel, they may not shower or sleep there.
5. Whomever makes the mess cleans it up - no matter who they are

Eventually he needs to lose these users but he may not see that for a while. You will have to stand firm.