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Thread: Don't want to be so upset about him watching porn

  1. 06-08-2010 04:39 AM #1
    aquarius79
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    Default Don't want to be so upset about him watching porn

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    I guess I get upset about my husband watching anything that could excite him if it means he's looking at other women. With my exhusband, I didn't have to deal with it as much because he would hide it. What I didn't know couldn't hurt me... But with my new husband, he says it's just entertainment. I may be making it sound worse than it actually is. Most of the time, what he watches couldn't even be considered real porn. For example, he's started watching a new Girls Gone Wild series where they're doing some contest. I'd watch it with him, but he gets annoyed when I make comments on all the girls bodies (those are so fake, she looks like a guy in drag, etc). I only do this because I'm so insecure about my own body. I guess the thing that upsets me is that he says he does get turned on by it sometimes, but he doesn't watch it for the purpose of getting turned on. I know he doesn't masturbate on a regular basis, and he's definitely not cheating on me. He's also very honest with me most of the time. So, besides my own insecurities, I don't know why I get so upset. Does anyone have any good advise to help me calm down about the situation?
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  2. 06-08-2010 04:49 AM #2
    CHANDLERS WISH
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    I think he gets upset because you are showing an in-security, by making those comments.

    I think that your ex, was lousy and so, you view this as oh oh...

    With this guy it's more of admiring beauty of a woman and he married you didn't he?

    With your ex, you chose to know about it but not "view it" and you have mixed feelings, there he was watching porn.

    So to me you wish for a man who doesn't ever want to admire beauty in a woman because you felt horrid and in-secure last time so surely you can find someone that it's all about you, nothing to compete with.

    IDK.... there are so many threads about porn over the past 3 years, my mind is going mental over it all

    But, this is the first thread that say, well it's not porn, it's just women and admiration.

    Shirt, I look at women and go, good for you, your gorgeous but I am not gay or bi...

    I think allot, I honestly do is acknowledging your self worth, your beauty and being proud in yourself, and feeling trust as you do and comfortable that there is love there, totally and they won't stray, you don't think he will so feel it and believe it.

    CW
    Do we not realise that in order to find a soul
    It doesn't happen over night
    if truth were to be told.

    Like everything in life that's hard to achieve
    you must believe!
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  3. 06-08-2010 08:41 AM #3
    aquarius79
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    I suppose you're right, CW. And when I think of it that way, it sounds pretty selfish on my part. I know he's not cheating, and never will. And he's definitely more honest with me when I don't get upset with him about these things. I think I just needed a diferent way to think about it And you're right, women are beautiful.
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  4. 06-08-2010 05:59 PM #4
    rcoreyus
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    Just because he finds other women attractive doesn't mean he finds you less attractive.
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  5. 06-08-2010 06:53 PM #5
    Mes T
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    My boyfriend appreciates the looks of a pretty girl here and there, and while I doooon't liiiike it, I do the same - I see a hot guy on TV and I'm like YOWZA!

    Appreciating other people's beauty is pretty natural, and healthy, because it NEVER has to mean that he appreciates you less, or compares them to you somehow, or any of that stuff. He's very lucky to have you and I'm positive that he knows that!!

    You can help get rid of feelings of insecurity by being more secure about yourself. Go to the gym, eat healthy, etc, and soon you'll know that no one can compete with you even if they tried.
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  6. 06-08-2010 07:34 PM #6
    Cloe
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    It's the same thing as if you watched men's volleyball and admired the guys on it. It doesnt mean anything
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  7. 06-09-2010 05:45 PM #7
    Hopeless Dork
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    Bleah, some guys will be "guys". Boobs and beer and scratching their doodads. I wouldn't want to watch porno-light with my bf. I'd watch porn with him... but would not find sitting watching him just admiring women the least bit entertaining.

    Pointing out the flaws in other women is transperant though. If you don't want him to scrutinize your every flaw, its not a good idea to practice scrutinizing other womens flaws in front of him. Guys see what they like and ignore the rest... you have a mole on your thigh you think is hideous, he doesn't even see the mole.. he see's the thigh. Know what i mean?

    They don't focus on the pointy nose or the crooked teeth, they focus on the parts that stand out as attractive, so any pointing out the the little jiggles of love handles comes off as nothing but catty. Just don't watch it with him. It would be pretty insulting to me to sit there and watch my guy drooling over other chicks... whether he was masturbating to them or not.

    Just like I am sure he would not care to hold me while we watched some male speedo (yick, eck) competition together while I admired some packages. I'm sure he wouldn't chalk that up as a fun evening lol. So the reverse of that should be respected.

    Some guys just don't have a whole heap of common sense when it comes to how to make a woman feel special, sitting down for a romantic evening of ogling other women... really doesn't make the list. Thats something he should not do in front of you out of respect, even if he's honest with you that he likes to look doesn't mean he has to subject you to something you're obviously uncomfy with.
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
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  8. 06-09-2010 10:40 PM #8
    jns
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork View Post
    Guys see what they like and ignore the rest... you have a mole on your thigh you think is hideous, he doesn't even see the mole.. he see's the thigh. Know what i mean?
    If I see a mole, I don't see it as hideous and I don't ignore it. I think of it as something that makes the person unique. I'll memorize the location of it, maybe in relationship with other distinguishing marks or other body parts.
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  9. 06-10-2010 01:26 AM #9
    Hopeless Dork
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    I meant that if a guy is watching a miss america pagent he's not saying... oh my gosh did you see the way her earlobes are too long? If a chick is hot , she's hot... straight guys don't necessarily pick females apart over tiny imperfections. Some women and some gay men however... will point out every peice of cellulite
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.
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  10. 06-10-2010 01:29 AM #10
    Mes T
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork View Post
    I meant that if a guy is watching a miss america pagent he's not saying... oh my gosh did you see the way her earlobes are too long? If a chick is hot , she's hot... straight guys don't necessarily pick females apart over tiny imperfections. Some women and some gay men however... will point out every peice of cellulite
    That really is so true! I think because women just feel like they're so in competition with each other... which is really a shame, cuz I could never see my boyfriend look at some guy walking by and comment, "Ugh, what was he thinking when he put those shoes on this morning!"

    I'm trying really hard not to be catty about celebs and whatnot, but I think it takes a SERIOUSLY secure woman to be perfect about it.
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