Thread: in a rage because fiance almost cheated

To me, it sounds like there is something else besides his 'almost cheating' that is keeping you from committing to making this work.
Ask yourself exactly why you feel taken for granted. I think if everything else in the relationship was as wonder as you say, then you'd be able to get past this one thing, he didn't cheat after all. So what else was going on to make this the final straw?

His finances are much more shaky than mine. Also I never got over the fact that he deceived me with not telling me about the STD, I considered this a betrayal and morally wrong. I have trust issues in general with people that he knew about from the start,and they got worse since I knew he had so much casual sex. I just have felt very insecure and concerned about being cheated on the whole time and I had never worried about that in prior relationships, but I never was truly in love before. The fact that I supported us for sometime as well, made me feel outraged that he could consider cheating, especially right when I left. I guess I question whether he can be a monogamous person and be reliable. I feel like I invested more than he did into our relationship and I don't want to end up married with kids and then find out he's cheated.

If it doesn't feel right, then it's probably not. Listen to your gut. You've listen several things that are a pretty big deal that you shouldn't just overlook.

This doesn't sound like a good relationship. He hid something from you. You have a long term resentment for it. He was tempted, but resisted. You are angry that he almost failed to resist. I'm not going to worry about whose fault things are - its not important. It sounds like you are not happy together. Why continue - it seems you both would be happier outside of this relationship.

You don't need to be hostile in ending it - there is not point trying to prove who was right.

I think you handeling all the finances, take caring of him ... can lead to a false sense of entitlement, power, ownership... like you mentioned him having the audacity to consider cheating while you were taking care of him -- I totally understand why you would feel that way, but that is why its important he pull his own weight. If he was feeling like you were in control of the money, etc... there is some men that can feel less of a man in that position (even if they shouldn't feel that way) and cheating, or getting attention from women probably helps boost their self-esteem.

Him lying about the STD, him not telling you -- speaks VOLUMES of his selfishness. He was willing to put YOUR health at risk, so that you wouldn't leave him. Thats selfish. Him wanting you to be his gf, him wanting you to keep having sex with him -- meant more to him than your future health.

Him being promiscuous before you isn't a very good sign either. People can change, don't get me wrong. But they have to want to and decide to change on their own... before ever meeting the person find worthy of changing FOR... it has to be done for one's self. If he never made that choice on his own... but just fell in love with you and decided to be different -- how successful he will be at the change will be dependent on his feelings for you.

Seeing as how he didn't stop being that way for himself. If he did, he could maintain not sleeping with others so freely and easily because he would know its not what he wants for his life anymore. But it sounds like he only stopped because he fell for you , which means the only thing keeping him from being so promiscuous are his feelings for you. And in times of darkness, fights, problems, when those feelings are at a low point -- he might return to old habits.

He spends an entire summer visiting his son? I think thats noble of him... but if its far away from you and he isn't including you in that aspect ... I can see that being kind of difficult. If he has to be away for 3 months to visit his child, it might make more sense for you guys to move closer to his child, and for you to share that part of his life, especially if you are engaged.

If you haven't spoken for a month, its hard to believe he has any real intentions of winning you back. Wouldn't he be fearful you are meeting someone else, moving on with your life? It just doesn't make sense that he wouldn't at least touch base with you if he was hoping to salvage this relationship.

I'd have a hard time getting past the intent to cheat, as much as I would getting past cheating as the thought that goes into both is really the same.... unhappiness in the relationship and lack of commitment in the heart. I would not want to feel like my boyfriend h as to force himself to be faithful, to feel he has to struggle to be monogomous to me. When I step out into the world its EASY for me not to cheat, I have what I want. Him feeling differently would hurt and be hard to get past.

First on get yourself checked honey. If there is a chance you have this std your going to need to get on the proper treatment as soon as possible. He decived you one (on a big issue). Yes it's true that could very well do it again.

My issue here is his moral character. He lied to you and other women about his STD. And still continued to have casual sex. :0. That says something about how maturity and morals. There is still a high chance to pass this disease with condoms and medication because it can be contracted even with a condom. That said I think you have to ask yourself if you can forgive him for the lie and the almost cheating. It doesn't seem like you have. And if you don't then you won't be happy with him...