being treated bad

**bri_a5001** · 06-15-2010 10:37 PM

My "fiance " treats me bad. hands down. he calls me hurtful names and purposely tries to hurt my feelings by putting me down. Weve been friends for 5 years and together for 2.5. at first he used to be amazing and treat me like a princess, and vice versa, our relationship was honest,supportive, and great. then he started being mean to me and yelling at me. this has been going on for a little over a year. We now live together and he yells at me and makes me cry almost everyday. I always stick up for myself and i tell him he is wrong and hurtful, i do NOT put up with it. I explain how i feel respectfully and tell him love isn't being treated like this. I tell him i cant do anything to make him want to be nice to me and love me again, but that doesn't mean i don't love him still. I try to put up with everything and am still kind to him but sometimes i slap him or throw things at him when he goes over the edge. i know that isn't right either, but i try so hard to not lash out everyday from his verbal abuse. I told him to choose, either change for good or leave me alone. he said that he would change but the same thing is going on.I am miserable. what now..?

**LanaBear** · 06-15-2010 10:39 PM

Leave... You both are physically and verbally abusing each other, that's no way to be in a relationship. What, other than you love him, is making you stay?

**bri_a5001** · 06-15-2010 10:49 PM

well be living together for at least a year,and he was/is my best friend. he is like jekyll and hyde, one moment he is amazing and another is terrible. i seriously think he has a mental issue, everything is so upsetting for him. i feel like he tricks me because appologize and make me feel so much better and i think he really does mean it, then the next morning is absolutely evil.

**LanaBear** · 06-15-2010 10:53 PM

There's no harm in taking a break for a while. The relationship just seems toxic. Can you really picture yourself being married to this man with all this going on? If you can't handle just calling it quits right now, than separate for a while. Do you have someone you can stay with for a month or two, at least?

**bri_a5001** · 06-15-2010 10:56 PM

we just got this new apartment, and we respect each others space. i feel like if i left, he will win. and i love my new house, just not him...

**LanaBear** · 06-15-2010 11:00 PM

Really though, it shouldn't be about winning, it should be about keeping your sanity and safety.

You gave him a choice and it didn't go anywhere positive. How much can you tolerate, how long are you willing to put up with it?

What is POSITIVE in the relationship? Do the positives outweigh the abuse?

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 06-15-2010 11:10 PM

I agree with Lana, what's more important your sanity? Or, who wins over the house?

You can find another one, with someone else, a flat mate and I am sure that it would be difficult in any event to make re-payments on your own.

Sounds like from the moment you moved in things changed. Verbal abuse is abuse, but throwing things is also abuse, your both abusing each other and what ever you had, has changed directions.

Why cry? You say you stand up for yourself, then stand up for yourself and say "seeya later, I don't deserve any of this" and leave.

CW

**rcoreyus** · 06-15-2010 11:12 PM

If you every find yourself in a relationship worrying about who is winning - you are both losing. The whole point of a relationship is to find someone you love where each of you cares more about the other's happiness than their own. When that is gone, what is the point of staying?