Thread: Porn vs. Me

Originally Posted by fluffybride2b

When I have tried to discuss it in the past, he has told me that if I am not satisfied, than I need to start viewing porn as well. I have no desire to do this, and I want to be with him, not a computer, to me there is a major difference.

Here is your answer right here. Pure selfishness and no desire to see that you are pleased.

I agree with WC, don't marry this man until this issue is resolved. If it can't be resolved then you must decide if this is the way you want to live your life with him.

And as WC mentioned in her post there are countless threads here on the same issue. Do a search and read some of them, you may find some helpful opinions from both the men and women here.

If you haven't already, make it clear to him that the problem isn't the porn, the problem is that he is using porn instead of having sex with you - that he prefers pictures to a real woman that he says he loves. Maybe it will make it clear to him how far his problem has gone.

It sounds like he does have a serious problem - put off the marriage until it is settled.

its easy to see from the outside uhmmmm ....to be frank he really doesn,t care your not doing anything serious about it.....so he will continue on as long as you keep doing what your doing witch is nothing... talk is cheap ......Go to a family members house for two days don,t even tell him once he realizes your gone he will find you then tell him its porn or you...... his choice if he agrees and you catch him again your gone it really is that simple to me ....hope this helps ps. if he doesn,t agree see yah later

I agree with the above... you don't want to marry this guy, not the way things are. It sounds like you enjoy sex and intimacy, that you are fun and adventurous and want to try new things and be close to the one you love and that is such a beautiful thing many men would feel blessed to have in their life. Unfortunately the one you love is more interseted in masturbating and PC monitors... and can't appreciate what he has in you. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life feeling unsatisfied and inadequate when you don't deserve to?

There is nothing wrong with you, he's selfish, and from what you said... sounds like he has zero interest in making things better. Does he at least try to pleasure your body? From the sexomnia to the porn instead of sex thing, it sounds like his ailments are geared so that he gets his needs met when he wants them met ... and yours... well ... you "just go watch porn"... uh. Rediculous.

This is really a disturbing situation. But let's take the "sex" out of it and ask: If he were letting anything else in the relationship cause this kind of grief- would you stand for it? Say he was drinking alcohol to excess and unwilling to treat you with any consideration; would you tolerate that? Or would you say: "Choose, booze or me?"
While I don't like condemning porn wholesale; this behavior is unacceptable in my book. IMHO this isn't about his relationship with you but with his relationship with porn that is destroying his life. The first step in recovery from alcohol addiction is admitting that it IS a problem. You say he denies that it is a problem- in my experience alcoholics deny that alcohol is a problem until it destroys everything they value in life. My advice is to stop "enabling" him. Until he sees it as a "problem" it will control his life.

Instead of taking it upon yourself, let alone questioning the quality of what you are giving him,
you might consider returning the questions to him.

Most people, especially men, would use porn as a mean to deflect their attention from something important that they must look into. As they lack the courage, patience or whatever is required the pattern is to procrastinate. The form chosen is to watch porn.
You might learn a great deal together by engaging into discovering what is it he is running away from.

The form to bring is equally important, without fear of hurting, only through the love and the desire to grow together.

The "watching porn" is clearly an indication there are some unresolved issues about him, that he needs to look into.

As for the wedding, better postpone.