how to catch my husband cheating?

**reesaj** · 06-17-2010 01:25 PM

My husband goes to work around 6:00 am every morning. he doesnot call me throughout the day, he keeps his cell phone in his truck and it's always on vibrate when he his around me.He comes home late from work and tell me he just got off. He never calls me when he's getting off work and he never answers his cell phone. my husband is very controlling, I really know he"s cheating I just don't know how to catch him. Can someone help me!! I am so confused!!

**Futureboy** · 06-17-2010 01:33 PM

He's controlling, the trust has gone from your relationship

IMO You dont need to catch him cheating you need to pack your bags

**Hopeless Dork** · 06-17-2010 01:35 PM

If you find out beyond a doubt that your husband IS cheating... do you know what you will do? Are you planning on leaving him? Do you just want to admit ? Do you want to fix things?

It sounds like in your heart you are already unhappy and are seeking confirmation of something you already suspect... if you found out he WASN'T cheating... would you be any happier with him ignoring your calls, acting secretive and being controlling?

**reesaj** · 06-17-2010 01:59 PM

In my heart i know he is cheating, it may be alittle hard to leave right off i have three kids, the only reason i have stayed his because of them. But i really think i'm just tired of the name calling and the disrespect. He always tend to put me down about my weight, yes i admit i have gain some weight but, i am currently working on getting it off. He is always telling me how he wants me to look and how i need to do my hair and soon. It's really depressing to hear your husband talk like you are just so unattractive and like noone else would want me.

**rcoreyus** · 06-17-2010 02:40 PM

The name calling and disrespect are enough reason to leave. Why does it matter if he is cheating?

**KMonte85** · 06-17-2010 02:46 PM

Are there any other factors that tell you he's cheating? Is he very secretive about who calls, and what is on his phone? Leaving a phone in the car while at work or on silent or vibrate means nothing, neither does working long hours... if that were the case, my boyfriend would have left me ages ago - because I do all of those things.. i forget my phone everywhere, forget to respond to texts/calls, leave the ringer off, and work long hours, but I am in no way cheating, not in the slightest!

The verbal abuse seems to be the bigger issue in your life... him making you feel unattractive is not alright, he should not say those kinds of things to you. It is one thing to try to lovingly coax your SO to get healthy or take care of themselves better, but not at the expense of their self esteem...

Can you talk to him at all and have a civil discussion, or is the relationship so far gone that even attempting to talk will end badly?

**reesaj** · 06-17-2010 02:51 PM

Because he denies it and my friends are telling me he is. Today is our anniversary, he didn't even say happy anniversary . I pray my marriage gets better, but it's getting worse. I have lost all self esteem, it is so sad. I have lost interest in everything, I am just so depress. Sometimes I wonder do he even know how sad he makes me feel? How can a man that I love treat me so unfair???

**Hopeless Dork** · 06-17-2010 02:59 PM

You need to feel better for yourself and your kids, with or without him. He's an idiot to think berating someone is going to lead to them changing themselves... even its changes they want to make. Calling you fat isn't going to inspire you to get healthy, its going to make you feel depressed, and defeated and likely lead to the opposite effect that he is demanding of you.

If he was supportive and on your team, you'd be doing so much better. But it sounds like he is not that kind of man. If you get fit, change your hair... do all these things for HIM... chances are it won't be good enough. He'll find some other reason to berate you.

You should focus on changes to your life that would make YOU feel good for YOU. Like losing weight to have more energy for your kids, etc. Quit waiting on him to realized what a jerk he's been and is being. Its not going to happen.

You don't have to waste away in a corner being miserable - even if you stay married to him. Do your thing, work on your own happiness, take a class, get involved in a fitness program, make some friends and do it ALL for you. Develop a self-esteem that has nothing to do with his desires to turn you into some kind of mold of what he thinks you should be.

**reesaj** · 06-17-2010 03:19 PM

This is so true, but action does speak louder than words. I will definitely print this message out for my motivation. Things will need to change for the best, I must start by focusing on other things like my kids and making myself happy. I really appreciate your post. Thanks

**samanthatallon** · 06-17-2010 04:18 PM

Originally Posted by reesaj

In my heart i know he is cheating, it may be alittle hard to leave right off i have three kids, the only reason i have stayed his because of them. But i really think i'm just tired of the name calling and the disrespect. He always tend to put me down about my weight, yes i admit i have gain some weight but, i am currently working on getting it off. He is always telling me how he wants me to look and how i need to do my hair and soon. It's really depressing to hear your husband talk like you are just so unattractive and like noone else would want me.

I think, deep down you know. You do.

You have put on such a brave front and i feel for you. The three kids would be happier with seperated parents that are happy than parents that stay together when they are not. And some kids might even resent that when they grow older, and realise you were unhappy to make them happy as saintly a thing it is you have done, they may feel guilty when the time comes. And for your own personal happiness where are you in this equation? trying to keep everyone happy, but what about you?

He sounds like he has worked a right number on you, grinding away at your confidence and self respect is not a nice thing to do, and i would not respect him for this alone.

I left a partner who was less than savoury we had a child together, and he was nothing more than a bully (not saying this is your husband of coursze everyone to their own,) it took me a year to pluck up the guts to leave him after five years of an unhappy home and kids were always caught in the middle and it wasnt right.

I evetually left him, and for the first month it was really hard as the evenings were cold the kids were in bed and it would have been so easy to reach for the phone, and call him home. But i refrained, lol and got a dog and cat to share my tea and toast with, and believe it or not, i got through it.

And within a few months, the kids were different, happier lighter and opened up. As before they were silent and the home atmosphere was awful! I was happier and could laugh, even made friends with my neighbours! No more worrying about what time was he coming home, or if he even would, that his dinner was ready, house clean and kids asleep. so much pressure just lifted, it was a wonderful time.
What im trying to say, is, if you are deeply really unhappy, dont trust him and have let him grind you down, and you know you are ready to leave.
Then take that step, learn to live again, and let yourself be happy.

I hope this may help in a small way, i am not telling you to leave him either! god no, lol i mean you have decisions to make for the sake of your families well being and if you are depressed maybe you have someone to talk to or confide in?

xxx sam