Thread: Porn,sex dating sites and lies are killing our marriage.

I understand getting hurt feelings about porn, trust me. But I do wonder if you are really taking into consideration his needs and feelings as well. It sounds like you didn't see anythign wrong with your sexual relationship when you found the porn... and are just mad that he was watching it.

He mentioned he watched it when you weren't having sex with him. Were you not having sex with him for a period of time? And if so... what would you expect him to do? I think its unfair to ask that your partner be celibate with no sexual feelings just because you don't to have sex with them.

I am not condemning you for not having sex with your husband... but generally I could see getting upset about porn/masturbation if you weren't getting the sex that you wanted... but if you are not interested in sex with your husband as much as he is.. I don't see why you would want to kick him out for trying find a safe way to get his needs met?

I think kicking him out for having some porn DVDs was a bit of an overreaction... especially if your sex life has been meeting your needs. It doesn't seem that he's neglecting you in favor of porn -- it sounded as if he'd prefer you, but turns to porn when you are not interested.

The dating websites and planning to meet other women is a whole other batch of ick that you will have to look at and treat seperately. Although in your situation its hard to know if that was what he truly wanted or if he was just reacting to having been kicked out of his home for having some porn DVDs.

You should try to have an open communication with him... and thats not going to happen unless you are willing to compromise and be non-judgemental in what he has to say.

Would you have more sex with him if thats what he wanted? If not... is it fair for you to ask him to live without sexual feelings if you go through phases where you don't want/have sexual feelings?

I agree with you that its selfish, but only if they are being satisfied to their hearts desire and still indulge. Or if they have a partner that needs/wants them sexually and they reject intimacy in favor it. To me those are all selfish. But if they WANT sex with their partner but their partner doesn't want it... If they aren't getting sex with their signifant other.. I don't think turning to porn is as much selfish as a way to try to keep a balance without causing more problems in the relationship by begging for sex all the time, only to get rejected.

But him going out and trying to meet someone online... thats going to be a harder thing to get over. It sounds like you guys have so much talking to. Probably some resentment, some misunderstandings... to sort out and some real honest diaglogue about what you each need to feel satisfied, healthy, happy and wanted in this relationship

Just want to second everything Hopeless Dork said - I agree with all that she posted.