An embarrassing introduction

**stressed** · 06-25-2010 06:41 PM

So, there we were, about to say goodbye to his sister next door, who was having a party (we didn't join, just went to his parents next door) and there comes rushing one of my fiance's ancient classmates I had never met before but heard about (she has one kid, she's with a new guy, and his mom didn't talk to me about her with the best words just minutes before going there), gives him a big hug, compliments him, jokes and talks with him for 10 mins straight.

I stood there, smoked, stood even longer, like a fool, trying to talk with his sister just to do something, among other people I know, plus the lady's silent bf, getting annoyed. It took him 10 mins for him to introduce me to her as 'his girl', by suddenly turning towards me and saying "...and here's my girl". Then she offered me her hand, we introduced, she stood for a few more seconds and then vanished in the back with the rest. Those who saw our introduction laughed, his sister gave me awkward looks, like saying "I understand you". They were all drunk except me and my fiance, but I got very mad at this and told him about it on the way back. He thinks I'm crazy, I think he was totally disrespectful towards me. He said "didn't you see how she looked?" (i.e. he meant bad, with scars on her face, but she was wearing a quite a short dress anyway) I said it's not about her, or her looks, it's about how you behaved, not caring as if I'm there or not, embarrassing me in front of everyone.

Now he went to sleep in the sofa.

That made me feel as bad as wanting the earth to open up and swallow me, it was an embarrassing experience.

Am I wrong to feel so bad about something so small? I thought it was awful of him, honestly. I can't sleep because of this.

**Hopeless Dork** · 06-26-2010 01:34 AM

Nope not wrong at all... he acted rudely. Obviously not on purpose , i doubt he intended to embarass or make you uncomfortable but nevertheness he was rude. If he was standing with even just a guy friend it would be rude to let 10 minutes fly by without introducing that friend to the person he was talking with.

I had a similiar incident with my boyfriend a long time ago, he failed to introduce to me a girl he seemed to know really well. It just feels awkward especially if you are on your partners 'turf' as in their friends/family and not your own... you can feel out of your element and its important that your signficant other introduce you around as much as possible so that you can feel like you belong a little more.

I don't think its world war 3 worthy... but I do think its worth a mention about, I felt silly standing there while you carried on with your friend. When you didn't introduce me I felt awkward and unimportant. That is not placing blame that is not telling him what to do... its simply stating the facts and how it made you feel.

From there he can only either appolgise and agree that it was rude... or he can take the stance that its uncessery to introduce you to people and that you should get over it. I seriously doubt he'd pick the latter. But if he feels like he's being accused or under attack for it he might think you are making a mountain out of a moehill and get defensive.

Just go on record with what you'd expect from him if a similiar situation presented itself in the future, like babe... please don't leave me standing their like a third wheel... introduce me, I need to feel like I matter to you in the eyes of the people around us.

**jns** · 06-26-2010 01:37 PM

stressed, I understand your situation. I have had this happen by many people I know. All sorts of people are rude when it comes to introductions. I think it is because of the coarsening of society these days and the lack of good upbringing. Your boyfriend should have done better. Did he get to say much during the conversation?

**Hopeless Dork** · 06-26-2010 04:38 PM

Good point Jns. If your boyfriends not the assertive type and this person was dominating the conversation maybe he couldn't find a way to fit it in without it being awkard as well. And you're right... its basic manners to introduce the person you are with (platonic or romantic) to the people you run into that you know.

**rcoreyus** · 06-26-2010 11:45 PM

Its really tough to tell without being there, but it is possible that he didn't intend to be rude and was just being socially thoughtless. I'd hope though that he would have noticed your discomfort much sooner and done something about it. I agree that it doesn't matter how she looks - the problem is that he was ignoring you and paying attention to her. OTOH, since it might have been unintentionally thoughtless (I think most people have made social gaffs at some point) maybe it is worth letting this slide. If it is a pattern though, that is different. How does he behave with you around other people in general?

**lushley666** · 06-28-2010 02:27 AM

He said "didn't you see how she looked?" (i.e. he meant bad, with scars on her face, but she was wearing a quite a short dress anyway) I said it's not about her, or her looks, it's about how you behaved, not caring as if I'm there or not, embarrassing me in front of everyone.

Me thinks there is a bit of a green eyed monster and maybe you have blown this slightly out of proportion - he was rude not to introduce you - she was obviously drunk, he couldnt get a word in edge ways but still managed to introduce you anyway....I really wouldnt let it get to you, she was rude, you kept your cool and your BF was just being polite but is a bit inconsiderate

**stressed** · 07-12-2010 03:02 AM

Originally Posted by jns

stressed, I understand your situation. I have had this happen by many people I know. All sorts of people are rude when it comes to introductions. I think it is because of the coarsening of society these days and the lack of good upbringing. Your boyfriend should have done better. Did he get to say much during the conversation?

Exactly. This has happened before with him in the past, not to this extent but enough to make me feel uncomfortable because he behaved rudely and didn't realize it. It was her taking control of the conversation but he had enough seconds to just say "and here's..." as soon as we got there. It was also his sister's fault, who just came up to us both and just turned to her brother and said "and here's X", as if I wasn't there. I'm not at the best terms with his sister, she barely talks with me, it was her place and her guests, so the first to blame was actually her.

Originally Posted by rcoreyus

Its really tough to tell without being there, but it is possible that he didn't intend to be rude and was just being socially thoughtless. I'd hope though that he would have noticed your discomfort much sooner and done something about it. I agree that it doesn't matter how she looks - the problem is that he was ignoring you and paying attention to her. OTOH, since it might have been unintentionally thoughtless (I think most people have made social gaffs at some point) maybe it is worth letting this slide. If it is a pattern though, that is different. How does he behave with you around other people in general?

He didn't intent to be rude and he didn't realize that I felt uncomfortable either. The worse was that it happened in front of people. If it was us 3 I'd ignore it, we've met people in the street he hasn't introduced me to, either men or women, but I let it be. This was just too obvious. On top of that, the next time we visited his sister she started talking to him about that woman again. At times I think that his sister just doesn't like me.

Originally Posted by lushley666

Me thinks there is a bit of a green eyed monster and maybe you have blown this slightly out of proportion - he was rude not to introduce you - she was obviously drunk, he couldnt get a word in edge ways but still managed to introduce you anyway....I really wouldnt let it get to you, she was rude, you kept your cool and your BF was just being polite but is a bit inconsiderate

Well, before we got over there his mother was telling me all kinds of things about that woman. She was looking out the window saying things like "oh, who is that in the dress talking to all the men for so many minutes? Oh it's X. If I was her boyfriend I'd be jealous. She changes guys so easily", so she already put ideas in my head before we got there. I told my boyfriend that as well and he said he knew there must have been a reason for me to react like that as I'm normally calm about such things.

I think he did understand though, as a couple of weeks ago I found him talking with a neighbour (woman) I hadn't met before (but had seen her before) and he introduced me to her, then at home said "and, see, I introduced you this time", so I think he got his "lesson" even if he thought I was wrong.

**stressed** · 07-12-2010 03:02 AM

[can a mod delete this post here, please, I accidentally posted twice -thank you-]

**WildChild** · 07-12-2010 07:42 AM

In situations like this the thing to do is to step up in a friendly manner and introduce yourself instead of stewing in the background. That or go take a walk around the block and let him figure out where you went.

**KMonte85** · 07-12-2010 09:01 AM

ugh... my boyfriend does that to me a lot. He knows tons of people wherever we go through his involvement with the fire department and the legion. So he'll randomly start talking to someone I've never met, and get into a deep conversation, and completely forget to introduce me. Irratating! I know he just forgets though, in complete honesty he wasn't taught a lot of manners or etiquette so I can't blame him if he was never shown the proper way to do introductions... it isn't a forefront thought in his mind.

so I basically do as WC said, and take it upon myself to make the introduction during a lul in the conversation. It shows the other person I'm not some doornail just standing there, and it is kind of a kick in the pants to my boyfriend like HELLO I'M STILL HERE!