SO checks his FB only when he's alone.

**stressed** · 07-29-2010 01:57 AM

He often asks me to help him with computer issues, so it's not that hard to see what pages he opens. First time I noticed this was a week ago and he had looked at the page of his friend's girlfriend (which we haven't met yet). Now he's been doing this almost every day, logs on his FB when I'm sleeping, once a day before work, checks a different person (woman), closes the window and opens another window of another website and leaves it open on his computer, as if to show "this is what I've been looking at". Every time. Why?

He's told me before that he doesn't like FB, that he only goes there to accept certain requests and such. He got a new friend request last night (a man), had the request open all day, but he was just looking at the computer for five minutes while I was there, as if I was in the way. I went to bed, he followed, and opened FB first thing in the morning.

Once, twice, okay, but nearly every day, now it has started to bother me and it's becoming too obvious. If he wants to do it in secret then he isn't hiding it well and if he wants to do it openly, well, he definitely doesn't.

**Mes T** · 07-29-2010 02:49 AM

I'd suggest the obvious and just ask him about it? This seems like one of those things that can feel so innocent from his side yet look so bad from someone else's. (Reminded of my own drama these past couple of days.)

**stressed** · 07-29-2010 03:03 AM

If I ask him about it he will stop doing it (if he wants it do it in secret) and probably deny that this happens or call me paranoid. But the truth is that he never checks his FB when he comes home, or when I'm around. It's always when I am not around.

Yes, I should probably just ask. It's not that I think he does anything strange there, I just don't feel comfortable with his behaviour. I don't like feeling as if I'm in the way of something he wants to do, or that he only does something when I'm away. I just doubt I'll get an honest answer to this.

**sallyskellington** · 07-29-2010 07:21 AM

Try to talk open and have an open mind. You just have to ask non-accusingly.

**Hopeless Dork** · 07-29-2010 07:34 AM

I know you said one of the girls was a friends girlfriend, who are the others? It is a weird behavior, but it may not mean a thing at all. I do weird things online too sometimes that might make my boyfriend scratch his head and I would hope that he'd just ask me about it so I could calm any concern.

For example I look at personal ads for entertainment... I would never answer one, would never cheat and would never post one. But I'll read the missed connections to see what romantic things people are up to. Or look at the women seeking men to see what crazy unrealistic expectations are being tossed about. Or look at the men for women to be reminded of how lucky I am to have the man that I do :P I do it for no reason but boredom with my morning coffee.

A third party could look and see ohhhh she's reading personals, she's up to no good. But I'm not. Its just something weird that I do lol. I see no harm in you asking him about it, and if he stops abruptly.... maybe it wasn't that kosher in the first place.

But I wouldn't put any salt into why he doesn't do it around you. Theres lots of things i wouldn't do in front of my boyfriend that much, facebook included. Not because I'm up to anything shady, I'll open it around him of course... but my family is embarassing i'd rather not read their stuff in front of him lol. Same with this site, I love you guys and don't want to share haha jk... but this is my little spot and I don't browse WH around him really.

Have you ever looked a friends fb and saw she had a new boyfriend and so clicked his page to get the scoop on him? Curiousity is natural... maybe you even browsed his photo album to see more about him... then saw a funny comment some other guy wrote and clicked his page. It happens, it means nothing. So be sure to have your proper perspective in place when/if you talk to him about it and like sally said, don't accuse, just ask if you want to know.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 07-29-2010 07:58 AM

OMG if someone looked on my computer history they'd think I was insane. Sometimes if I'm bored, I'll get to clicking on someones facebook, see someone else I'm interested in viewing (not to date, just curiousity), then look at all their pics, then click on someone else.......before I know it I've viewed probably 100 pics!!!

And yes, like HD said, I look at personal ads (Hence, my latest post under the Confessions thread...lol). I look at Missed Connections for the same reason HD does. I look at Casual Encounters at the dirty pics, just because I like to see what other people look like nakey.

. LOL!!

You may be overanalyzing his behavior. Maybe he's taken a liking to facebook (I love it...so I totally understand) and because he has sort of bashed it in the past, isn't eager to let you know he's getting on it so frequently. On another note, maybe he's a dirty dog who likes to lie....

Do you really have any reason to be snooping on him? Has he cheated in the past, or lied about talking to other women? I dunno, I don't really think it's fair to analyze every page he views, what time he views them. You may be making this more about "you" than it really even is. If it were me, I'd probably create myself a facebook and request him as a friend. That way he knows your cool with it and maybe he won't be so secretive about it.

**PandaPaws** · 07-29-2010 04:32 PM

Originally Posted by sallyskellington

Try to talk open and have an open mind. You just have to ask non-accusingly.

This. I need to work on the "non-accusing" thing, people don't like that... Although it looks and sounds really suspicious, you never know, he could have a reason that you never would have dreamed of that makes sense. Just dealt with something last night where I assumed the worst (which is what was obvious from my point of view), and it turned out to be not as bad as I thought. Granted my bf has lied and cheated online in the past, and I am still trying to learn to trust, so it was hard for me to NOT assume what I thought.

Hopefully it doesn't turn into a huge argument for you two. Good luck.

**stressed** · 07-30-2010 12:15 AM

I haven't asked him yet, but I am probably going to do so one of these days. It's not exactly easy to ask in the right way either.

Interesting to know that some of you browse personal ads, he used to browse "men looking for men" too... (not very easy to be open minded about this, but that was a long time ago).

I'll ask at some other point I guess, as it has really been a tiresome week and even if he clicked on women to check them out it doesn't affect me that much anymore. He has an easily addicted personality with such things and he has done quite a lot of things online in the past, but I don't have the will or the energy to argue about online stuff anymore. If he goes back to his past behaviour I'll just give up I think, no point insisting trying to make it work. So I'll just let him be. He didn't do it today so it is a good sign. He's been acting strange all week and has given me the feeling of wanting me out of his way when he's on the computer, a feeling he hasn't given me in a very long time, but I'm too drained on the subject to find out why.

But, you know, when he always tells me by himself "oh my cousin wants to add me", or "my co-worker wants to add me" and when somebody I've never heard of sends an invite and we are both sitting in front of his computer (he leaves his mail program open) he doesn't even mention it. Some times I ask (and it's someone from his online past) but I can't ask every time, I think he takes it like an interrogation, even if it had it been anyone else but him I wouldn't have a problem asking every time out of curiosity.

I've no idea who the others he looked at are, he might as well clicked on them because they showed up as friend recommendations and he liked their picture. I also have facebook but I don't really look at people with 'interesting' photos, I only use it for friends (bf is in my friends' list but what's the point of using it for each other). Looking at random guys dressed/naked while he's at work just doesn't feel right to do. Maybe I'm just boring!

**confusedbyheart** · 08-03-2010 10:19 AM

You should ask for sure but also why FB??? If your in a relationship and people put way to much business out there. At least this is a little more private. It's a fancy dating site why do we feel the need to look people up that haven't been in ourlives for years. If they were that important then they still be in ourlives. In person social interaction is lacking tis day in age

The arguements the internet now causes.... It's mind boggling.. Just add it to the list of things we now have to worry about.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-04-2010 02:00 AM

he used to browse "men looking for men" too... (not very easy to be open minded about this, but that was a long time ago).

I can't ask every time, I think he takes it like an interrogation, even if it had it been anyone else but him I wouldn't have a problem asking every time out of curiosity.

Looking at random guys dressed/naked while he's at work just doesn't feel right to do. Maybe I'm just boring!

Sweet

He used to look at men looking at men, then you say looking at random guys dressed/naked?

Maybe, from that comment, he still is looking and leaves facebook open & that he viewed a woman, so you can note that ?

But, in addition you have to learn trust if you believe that, that is no more... Because, without it, you will "interogate" and you will "ask all the time" and you will, "wonder all the time" and that's stressful

CW