Family hates husband because husband and brother got in a physical fight

**confusedbyheart** · 08-03-2010 07:51 AM

About 2 years ago my brother was over our house and I was sleeping and woke up to my husband and brother in a fight. My husband hurt my brother pretty bad (husband a big guy). IT caused major problems with my marriage, we went through separation and now are curently doing good and planning a family. My brother and father hate my husband plus other family members they are the most vocal. They treat me differently. I've lost my family. Am I crazy for staying married??? How do you choice between 2 people you love??

**KMonte85** · 08-03-2010 08:08 AM

This is a hard one, no one wants to choose between the people they love most in their life.

My question to you is - is your husband normally the aggressor in situations like this? Was this normal behavior for him? Does he fight often? Does he put his hands on you?

If your answer to these questions is yes, then you should take what your family is saying to heart, they're worried about your well being. And you should definitely rethink staying with someone who has such anger problems... it could end up very badly for you. I have a feeling this may be the case, as you've said you've got other family as well that hate your husband. Why hate him? There must be something there that is alarming them...

But if this was a one-time occurance, outside of your husband's normal behavior, and if your brother was the aggressor in that fight 2 years ago.. then you may need to try to talk to your family... they do NOT have to like your husband, but they should understand that you are still the same person they know and love and should treat you as such, and at least be civil to him.

Might I also add, if you're questioning your marriage with your hubby, wondering if you should stay married or not, then now is definitely NOT the time to be planning a family.

**confusedbyheart** · 08-03-2010 10:06 AM

Thank you so much for your insight.

This was the first time I have seen my husband violent. He has never been agressive toward me. I know my family worries. The reason I question my marriage is more because I think everything is fine then my dad brings it up again. We live out of state, so when I visited last week my dad just says things that upset me. No matter what I do it doesn't change that my brother was injured.Nothing can take it back. I'm not asking my family to accept my husband but to accept me and my marriage I guess.

**confusedbyheart** · 08-03-2010 12:10 PM

I forgave my husband for somthing that happened betwee him and my brother 2 years ago. Some of my family not as forgiving. Problem is it has affected my relationship with my family.

Unconditional love.. Is it only for your family? what about your husband? I'm trying to make my marriage work. Things between us are good. We did go through separation and some counseling.

Is it wrong that I want my marriage to work and to have children?

He does work hard to keep me happy and he says he'll do what ever it takes to make us have a good and lasting marriage.

Just need some wisdom.. My family constantly brings it up to me is why I question it.

**pretzel** · 08-03-2010 12:13 PM

Hi, read your other thread but do have a couple of questions,

Who started the fight?

What prompted it?

My initial thoughts are that there are two sides to every story and right now nobody has heard both of them or want to believe them

**Fallen1** · 08-03-2010 01:53 PM

Threads were merged due to same subject matter by O/P

**confusedbyheart** · 08-03-2010 02:14 PM

Their was drinkng involved more on my husband's part. I believe my brother wanted toleave my husband wanted him to stay and then my brother started calling him names and saying mean things. They were only 2 there, so my family and I have pieced together the story cause I'm sure their are some loop holes on both their parts.

But my question is more about is it wrong to stay married or fight for your marriage?

I do think my husband was 100% wrong but I do believe their was 2 poeple their that night.

Say the roles were reversed... My brother wouldn't be disowned or whatever... Does that mean someone is labled a Monster for the rest of their lives?

Honestly I'm starting to think it is easier to automatically think family first until you are between 2 people you love one of which you spend more moments with and made a committment to spend your whole life with.

I married the guy it is more than sex. I obviously pictured having a family and long life with this man.

**CHANDLERS WISH** · 08-03-2010 08:15 PM

Family are protective.

Boys will be boys.

You have to sit down with your brother first and ask him how he feels about the whole event, in reality.. That you understand if he doesn't like your husband, nor would put himself in a simular situation again, nor do you expect him to forgive or be around him... But, what you want to know is that he "respects" your choice in life. That being that your husband is your husband and you need him to understand that he's never, ever, hit you, or done anything un-towards to you and you love him... Can he accept that with his boundries pertaining to your husband, in that understanding. If he says yes, then talk to you family and tell them, it was a once off, yes it was wrong and explain again the above...

It's your life.. Tell them you understand their concerns for their daughter and you very much appreciate it, tell them your strong and if he ever, ever, hurt you, you would be out the door. Tell them you need their support and love and acknowledgement your not a baby anymore, that you can make your own management decisions and you do respect them and need them in your live because you love them and you want the same in return, from them.

Having said all of that. It was wrong, very wrong ... But you need to way up "honestly" whether or not "outside of sex" this man is right for you and has not put you down, be-littled you, works with you on everything in life and is there for you.. If the answer is yes, and your family can't come to a truce then I suggest one thing and only one thing will change it and that's time....

When they see how happy you are, constantly happy and how your husband has matured, grown and is actually good to you...

CW