LinkBack URL
About LinkBacks
Reply With Quote
I can certainly see why you are upset. Do you think he's hitting the famous mid life crisis?
new here- but need a lil advice from others
I have been married for over 24 years and we have one child. I thought everything was good until one day I found out my husband was texting/calling an ex-girlfriend. When I confronted him, he said he did it to get back at me (as I have an old friend from high school that I write to; but I told him about it). He said nothing was going on and his ex's husband knew about it, "so what's the big deal?" I'm okay with him talking to "friends" but why the secretcy. One day I was on my husband's computer and his "friend" pops-up in chat window, so I said hello, needless to say, I told her it was HIS WIFE and not him, she stated "she was sorry"....sorry for what, if they were only friends?? He used to play games on fb but after this, he just stopped. Then I find out he's been visiting porn sites (during the day when I'm at work). When i confront him on this he denied it. I found an adult website, he registered for and he actually listed he wanted afternoon sex and good times. Once again I confront him and he tells me he would've never gone through with it, he just wanted to see what other women wanted and to "spice up our love life". We probably avg'd 2-3 times a week before all this and now he really just doesn't seem interested at all. Is it me or do other people see a problem here??
I can certainly see why you are upset. Do you think he's hitting the famous mid life crisis?
We can only learn to love by loving. - Iris Mudoch, British writer
do men go thru this more than once? he got very moody about 10 years ago too
IMO he has a problem with dishonesty. These are the two instances you know about because you caught him therefore he has to give explanation. I think anytime someone gets caught doing something that they were obviously trying to hide and then says "I was doing it to get back at you", is totally a bogus excuse. He was hiding it, he didn't want you to know about it, and once you did find out about it, he used that as an excuse to turn it around on you.
The website, "afternoon sex" thing..... why specifically ask for people something like that, if that is not what you're looking for. In his mind, "well, I'll post it....see what comes available and cross that bridge then". This had nothing to do with you, and I would bet my next paycheck this was for his own pleasure and nothing to do with "spicing up" your alls love life.... unless of course having an affair spices up ones love life.
Yes, you've been married 24 years. Obviously this deserves more than just a divorce. Put your foot down and let this man know that no matter how many years you've been together you will NOT be degraded and cheated on by the man you love. Otherwise, you'll end up that woman who discovers an affair and kicks herself for it because you were given the red flags all along.
Very tough situation for you.....I'm sorry you're going through it. There is nothing worse, and more hurtful than a dishonest partner.
Definately an issue but from what you've wrote not necessarily one of your doing.
First and foremost you cannot be responsible for his actions. The "getting back you" is pretty childish imo. As long as you're being open and honest with the nature of your conversations with your old friends then for some reason he's not accepting and trusting of this. I can't respond to the nature of your friendship with that person (and I'm assuming its a guy) but that was 24+ years ago.
You mentioned he's home during the day while you're at work. Does he work from home? Is there the same degree of success and work flow that would occupy his day as if it were a normal business day. I'm saying this for a couple of reasons. One is maybe there is a degree of depression and loss of purpose on his part. If things aren't going as well as one would like sometimes we do things we wouldn't normally do. Another is boredom. Same thing.
There's a reason behind this if these behaviors are out of his norm.
There will always be boundries, but making love is so different, than having sex, let's face it. CW
pretzel- my friend is a male (he was like my best friend thru high school). my husband, he is self employed and yes his business has been slow lately. i commute to work daily, so i am often gone 12-14 hours a day, although it's not like i ignore anyone when i get home either. i'm doing what i need to do to get my family thru hard times.
beautiful disaster - he has said he's sorry and has completely stopped going online. dishonest? i'm not 100% sure but i'm trying to understand. thanks for your input.
Hi leolover,
I hope I didn't give the wrong impression, I really feel it's not about you and what you're doing. Believe me, I understand having to do what it takes in these times. And I do understand that given your long day, the last thing you want to deal with is his behaviors that aren't really having any positive effects on the marriage.
What appears at least to me is that your husband isn't really dealing with the way his life is right now. He may feel he's not pulling his weight like he used to and isn't really reacting to it very well.
There will always be boundries, but making love is so different, than having sex, let's face it. CW
Posting Permissions
Bookmarks