AM i just overreacting to this?? Opinions anyone?

**hizenberg** · 08-07-2010 11:53 PM

ok, so i been with my partner 7yrs.So he does this thing which makes me go insane with anger, jelousy and feeling like im a peice of .
He somtimes um ,masterbates to other women while i am stuck watching our child. He also seems to find women who will also masterbate back at him,i hate it.
Ok so im not a prude and am def into trying different things in the 'bedroom'(or not) but this i find uncomfortable and the thought of being caught makes me a lil scared,of the reaction and repercussions if the person who catches me yells it out 'look at that!'.
So i have said numeruos times to him to stop and told him how i feel like a ugly piece of to him and not sexy enough for him to save it for me.He has said its the turn on of doing somthing different and being kinky but i just dont get it, at all.
He has sat in his car and had a hot little 18 yr old girl pull up and start masturbating right back at him an the minute i have started walking over to the car she took off.And his reply was,now that just shows you how bad society has gotten,??? W.T.F.?? i mean come on,this is bad right?? i mean he has not done anything illegal or caused any disruptions to the public as he finds these (edit) who do it back him.I did it retaliation once in a motel room we were staying at,and a young guy came around the corner nearly busted me going for it at the window,he didnt thank god, but my guy got up and ran across the room at me and through me down onto the ground and almost lost it and said im 'organising these men to go and meet up with me later'?? Double standards, i mean i would never cheat on him but i admit at times i have wanted to to feel like im sexy again and to get back at my guy,and to let him feel kinda how i feel,like he has taken from me.Ladies, am i a idiot for feeling this way and should i lighten up and thank god hes not cheating in a 'physical' way or give him the ultimatum,stop or im gone technique??I have done that once before but my feelings of feeling like im being stupid has told me to not be silly.

**hizenberg** · 08-08-2010 12:03 AM

and also he somtimes has watched those live web cam things with me, a ploy i used to get him to at least not do it over women close up, and he has ignored me completley and been into them more.He go's on when hes talkin dirty to me that i want them and that i love the times ive' ed other guys behind his back" i am fed up and would love somone to at least sympathsize with me and tell me im normal for feeling like a nobody to him.
please help,

**jns** · 08-08-2010 12:44 AM

You shouldn't be with him as he is not honoring you. It sounds like you are trying to fight fire with fire, but you only lower yourself to his level. Why do you stay with him?

**Hopeless Dork** · 08-08-2010 01:25 AM

I'm trying to understand what you mean by he masturbates for women in person... do you mean like he exposes himself to stangers and masturbates? If thats what you mean that is a sex offense if it takes place in public in front of other people. That is a very high risk sexual behavior that sounds like a sex addiction problem...Where is he doing this? And random women on the street masturbate back? On the street? In a car next to him? Some more info appreciated to help provide opinions.

You are not wrong for feeling hurt. Him masturbating to women and with women IN PERSON *is* cheating. Just because he's not putting his penis in them doesn't make it any better. Okay... slightly better, but we're talking ever so slightly.

And it sounds like he's forcing you into a position of 'well... it could be worse so i better just accept this'. No, you don't need to accept anything that hurt you, disrespects you, makes you feel worthless.

His behavior is not normal, and would not be accepted by the vast majority of women in committed relationships. I can't think of anyone that would say 'oh my silly husband and his masturbating to women on the street! oh well, at least he's not cheating!'. You should not be made to feel wrong for finding his behavior hurtful. It is.

I'm really curious to know what there is to this man that makes you happy? To me the whole point of being in a relationship is to have someone in this big bad world that actually cares about you, respects you, loves you. Does he do anything that makes you feel that way?

**shweedart** · 08-08-2010 02:36 AM

leave the scummer

**obelia** · 08-09-2010 04:09 AM

Wow that is pretty intense. Yea would not stay with someone that does that specially if I already said it was unacceptable. I wouldn't care if I had done wrong to. That isn't even normal male behavior anyways in my opinion and even if the girls was comeing up to him and masterbateing because he talked to them ahead of time or planned it, it's still crossing that line of pervert imo. I'd be very creaped out by anyone that did that. I don't even think I would let my kids around him unsupervised. But if you have stuck with him through all of this then there has to be something that makes you love him more imaginable so I wish you luck on figureing out what to do about it. NO you are not overreacting! imo

**tooconfused4words** · 08-11-2010 02:02 AM

Exposing yourself and getting off seems to indicate exhibitionism, and is illegal every place that I know anything about. Where I live, if he were to be convicted of this, he would be placed on a sex offender list which has serious implications for him. For instance, where I live sex offenders cannot go within 1000 feet of a school...I would imagine that would make it difficult to pick you child up from school...if the child isn't in school, s/he will be eventually. How's that gonna work? Once you are on this list, it's like wearing a scarlett "P" for pervert and it doesn't go away.

This is not good, not just because he is not honoring you, although that is certainly true. His need (perhaps obsession?) with doing this is interferring with his healthier relationships and committing a crime in doing it. I would say he needs professional help. If he refuses that, you are headed in a bad (and potentially very publically embarassing) direction. His refusal to acknowledge there is something wrong with this behavior is troublesome. I would make any decision for myself and my child based upon that.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-11-2010 07:37 AM

You are not overreacting. Stop questioning yourself and your instincts. It feels wrong, because it is wrong. For me, behaviour like this lends itself to a very insecure untrusting relationship...and rightfully so. He is cheating....because even though he "may" not be having intercourse with these women, the result you feel is the same.

This would be a deal breaker for me. He'd either stop, or I'd be gone. Otherwise you're knowingly staying in a very unhealthy relationship and choosing to raise your child in it. You deserve better.

**pretzel** · 08-11-2010 07:53 AM

Aside from the legal issue of the exposing himself in public, this sounds like a fetish that I'm not so sure I'd want to be part of.

Yeah, this needs resolved one way or another, either through therapy or you leaving him.

**Beautiful Disaster** · 08-11-2010 08:35 AM

Yep...and aside from the current issues it causes in your marriage........I'd just hate to think that my kid could come home from school one day crying because someone said "Your dads the creeper that whacks it at the local city pool!".

I went to HS with a guy who's father was rumored to have been caught doing this while parked beside our local city pool. I mean, yeah there were kids there, but there were also teenage girls, and grown women (and men). Who knows specifically who he was pleasuring himself to.......that's not the point. The point is he did it....was known for it....eventually got caught and this was absolutely mortifying to his wife AND his children.

It's just bad no matter how you look at it.