Does my wife love me?

**WildChild** · 08-19-2010 07:35 AM

Do you text her?
Maybe you should start.

**sourpuss** · 08-19-2010 07:38 AM

That's what I was going to say. I know it's annoying, but if that's how she communicates then you need to jump on the bandwagon for the time being.

**sourpuss** · 08-19-2010 07:42 AM

Can you approach her without bringing up the photos and texting? What about just bringing up the fact that you two are growing apart and tell her you want to fix it before it's too late.
Can the two of you go to couples counseling? That might be a good start since she's not very open when it comes to talking.

**curioushusband** · 08-19-2010 08:41 AM

Texting her on the phone is not possible due to I have to pay per text. Perhaps upgrading my phone would be the answer but I do not know. I have chatted via IM on the computer which I just started that last night. I have been learning the usage of the programs in order to communicate with her in that way. As far as not talking with her about it I don't know. She says all is fine and she loves me but does she really? I do not want for either of us to be in a loveless marriage, is she staying with me cause the kids, is she staying out of loyalty, is she staying because currently she is unemployed? Once something changes boom she’s out the door to which I don’t want that. If she doesn’t want to be with me anymore then she needs to be with whoever she wants to be with and not carry on a fake relationship with me. I love her and she will never be thrown in the streets but if she has moved on then I need to move on as well. I hope this is coming out as clear as I think it is. Perhaps waiting to talk is a good idea but then again every time she says I love you, I question in my mind does she really and this is what really hurts.

**curioushusband** · 08-19-2010 08:44 AM

We did talk when she was caught with the text which was sexual. She said then that all is well she loves me and we will always be together. So I kinda feel if I bring it up again it will be a trust issues, which it is, which could lead to a large large fight. As far as counseling goes, knowing her for 12 years, I don't think she would go. I dont think I would go. But it is an option that is there and I am not going to take it off the table.

**WildChild** · 08-19-2010 08:50 AM

How is it she can text unlimted and you can't?
I pay $5 a month for unlimited texting, it doesn't have anything to do with the phone just the service package.

**sourpuss** · 08-19-2010 09:02 AM

I think you should really consider counseling. It's obvious that the two of you have communication problems. If it were me (and I have done this in the past, that's why I'm suggesting it), find a good counselor, make yourself and appointment and let her know that you'd like her to come along because it is important to you. Go, whether she is willing or not.

**Jasmine_79** · 08-19-2010 11:03 AM

Hi Curioushusband,

I think you need to look inside your self and ask yourself is it worth it. I read all your posts, one that concerns me is that you said she does have self esteem issues, and it got worse when she lost her job. You are also losing your home and basically your entire lives are being turned around. This is probably causing even more lows and further worry, right now the future is questionable for her.

How was your relationship in the past before this happened? I think maybe if you go back to basics, maybe even be romantic, take her on a date when you get there. See how that plays out. If she is texting or even leaving the room confront her.

You mention texting, so do you have a family plan or are your cell phone bills separate? I ask because you can log in to your online account. Depending on the provider there maybe useful information that could provide further insight before you talk to her about it. For instance, my cousin's wife left him several months ago and he had been going through a rough time. We showed him how get online and log on to see the phone bill (many are electronic these days), because he asked her to turn it off and she wouldn't. He found an online album with pictures, her list of contacts including and entry for "Daddy" that was not her father. He was also able to download the bills for the last three months and see that the number called the most was "Daddy's". This gave him the confirmation he needed to move forward. I am not saying to snoop but maybe it will help.

You said your wife was also your "only friend" does she know that? Does she know how much she means to you? Make sure to tell her if your not sure. And if things have just lost touch let her know how you feel, that you love her, that she is important to you and that she is your best friend.......sometimes we assume that our partners know how we feel but its worth saying. In my previous marriage, my ex never told me I was his best friend, after being divorced for two years he will still tell people "she was my best friend and I never even told her." Dont make that same mistake, for those words can be healing and soothing to her soul.

Again, please before this weekend look inside yourself, what do you want for the future, how do you want this to play out.

I hope to hear back and I hope that you find your answers.

Here is one of my favorite quotes that through hard times had made me smile:

"Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure."