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Thread: Does my wife love me?

  1. #1
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    Default Does my wife love me?


    Hey all feel kind of silly getting on a woman’s site but I need a woman’s view to ask, does my wife love me? We have been married for 12 years with two children both under 18. Look at the behavior.
    1) She pretty much never wants to spend time with me and was on the computer a lot. At this time I was on nights so we were on different schedules and pretty much different lives, I understood why.
    2) Since she moved she rarely calls me, I am calling her. She passes the phone to the kids after a few words. She says she is busy and forgets but assures me to not worry about it. When I call she remains in a noisy environment but when I visited her out of state a "friend" called she left the room immediately to hear and not be rude, she doesn't do this for me.
    3) She instant messages (IM) all the time, even with me in bed during the visits. She hides the screen now because I read a message that was sexual, I know what I read, but she said I misunderstood and explained it away to which made sense but the text was sexual just not her doing it was an explanation by him I confused who wrote it. This couldn’t be confirmed due to the chat was closed. During that same visit she put a pillow between us to either hide her IM or not to interrupt my sleep with the light of the phone, I do not know which. I never asked about the pillow.
    4) She had a reunion to which I watched the kids so she could go the pre reunion party. I was wanting to drink some beer due to the kids went to sleep and asked her if I could if she be alright (not drinking) and make it home safely. She sent texts and my phone is a pain to text on so I asked her to call. She called and said over and over she couldn’t hear me, which the club was loud. I asked her why she didn’t walk out of the club to call when she got home, there was no cover charge by the way, and she said she couldn’t. The Reunion I was able to go since the kids with her mom and I asked her if I can embarrass her to which she stated that I can do anything I want because I cannot embarrass her. I asked if she cares and she said no I love you nothing you can do will embarrass me.
    5) The final thing that drives me nuts. On the last night of the visit (when she put the pillow between us) she said she had a UTI and was in pain and discomfort. I called the doctor but received no response and she didn’t want to go to urgent care. She was in so much discomfort that she couldn’t snuggle, but yet she IM'ed pretty much all night. She got back to my moms and said was feeling better and she may not go to the doctors. The test was positive for a UTI she says I didn’t read it but I don’t know.
    She claims that she loves and all is good. What you all think? I kinda think I know but want confirmation or if I am just being paranoid since she is out of state.

  2. #2
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    Also can I save my marriage, is there a way?

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    WH Assistant Head Moderator Array LanaBear's Avatar
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    Why are the two of you living apart?
    Friendship Prayer
    May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person who screws up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch.
    Amen

    Whoever said anything was possible obviously never tried slamming a revolving door.



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    WH Super Moderator Array Hopeless Dork's Avatar
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    Was gonna ask the same thing Lana, you talk as if you guys are seperated... is that the case?
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hopeless Dork View Post
    Was gonna ask the same thing Lana, you talk as if you guys are seperated... is that the case?
    We are not "separated" but make a long story short we filed bankruptcy and she moved to mom’s house in order for 1) the kids to not be around when I get kicked from the house, and 2) my mom can support the wife and kids as I save money to get back on our feet. I am currently looking for a job to move with her now but I don’t know because new information was received today as I chatted with her via the computer. She sent photo's of her wearing her bra one in a white and one in a purple, which was sexy photos. That in itself is not a problem but these photos were captured in the house I currently live in to which she hasn’t been in for months, these were captured sometime ago and the first time I saw them. One was in the kitchen and one in the computer room, I recognized the location. If she saved these then it is apparent that she is sharing these photographs with someone, it is not possible for her to have a physical encounter with my mom, to many around to ask questions but the fact remains the photographs were made and saved for what reason? I am going to confront her about this next weekend since I see no point on hiding this knowledge. If it is over it is over. I am wanting opinions on this so please let me know.

  6. #6
    WH Super Moderator Array Hopeless Dork's Avatar
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    Well at best it sounds like she doing some flirting online and at worst an emotional affair. Women can send sexy pics or talk sexy online to other men for VARIOUS reasons. Being a female that use to do this very thing (before meeting my boyfriend) I can tell you I did it for the attention, to hear compliments ... I have always suffered from very low self esteem and it would fill some kind of void when I'd do that.

    Now once I got together with my boyfriend the attention he gave me was more than enough for me... I didn't have the desire to flirt online or send strangers sexy photos (nothing nude, all bra stuff like you describe of your wife). HOWEVER... there were times I was tempted to do it... when he wasn't paying me attention, when I found he still looked a porn... it made me feel like he didn't think I was sexy enough, he'd rather look at other chicks. So it made me want to flirt online again and get attention from other men that he wasn't giving me... in a safe non-cheating way. But I couldn't bring myself to do it.

    Something changed in me and I no longer desired to get that kind of attention, whether or not my boyfriend was giving it to me.

    So my question to you would be... does your wife struggle with self-esteem issues? Has she ever gotten hurt or upset about you bragging about how pretty other women were, looking at porn etc? Do you treat her like a sexual being? By that I mean do you explore her fantasies, what feels good to her... communicate with her about her needs and if they are being met?

    Right now you only have suspicions... but from the texting, the being distant, and now the pics... I'd say there is deifnitely something fishy going on. But ... its likely she has not taken it physical... and its likely soemthing the two of you could get through if you can get to the root of what she feels is missing that is making her do this.

    For some married women with kids, a job, or being a homemaker... they can feel less like a WOMAN... a sexual woman... and more just a wife, a mom... and some crave to be seen and treated like a woman, a sexy woman... do you think any of that could be applying here?
    Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.

  7. #7
    VIP Member Array Julietpinkrose's Avatar
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    I agree with hopeless 100% ...

    It Does sound like there is something going on. Married women tend to be superwomen who do it all, mother, homemaker, working, wife, daughter etc and sometimes can feel less of a woman .....

    Have you spoken to her about how you feel???
    The best things in life are free ....

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    Hopeless, what you have written has touched me. For what you have said it is completely plausible that may be what’s going on with her. My wife does have self image issues but I tell her all the time I think she is beautiful. There are no problems with porn sometimes we watch together but nothing over the porn, and I would never tell her another woman is prettier than she. My wife is the mother of my children, my only friend she is the world to me, I would never do or say anything to hurt her. Over the last 8 months or so I was on night shift so I was not around, this was also during her depression over her losing her job but I had no choice due to my job is what it is, I was the only one working. I think our sex life, when we have it, is good so far she has never complained about it and she appears to respond physically with me, so I am pretty sure that is not it. Your post clearly offers another angle on it that I was not able to see, thankfully I posted. The Emotional relationship does bother me, what does that exactly mean? I know with woman emotional bonds are so much stronger will I be able to get her back? I sense that the emotional detachment which I believe that UTI was an excuse not to have sex, or snuggle the night before she went back to the “online” life.

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    If I bring this up I know she will react with anger and deny everything as proved after the text discussion. With the text that is what she did and I felt that if I continued it would lead to divorce due to she was outright lying, she is not very talkative with her feelings and is quite defensive. How would I approach this? Do I lay out all my cards, so to say, and see what she says to my concerns? Do I continue trying to find out what the “relationship” is and why she is doing what she is doing to the point of break up? I know I cannot bare this much longer, I have stayed up all night thinking of this and it is tearing me up, those photos and everything is on my mind constantly. Perhaps it is just better to “fight” it out and end this one way or the other; I cannot go on like this. Please give me guidance on how to start the topic….. Also is funny but I suggested to her to get on the social sites, what a mistake that was but she so needed to talk to other people instead of "mooping" around the house.

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    I will be going to see her next weekend, will be a long week let me tell you. I would like to have a plan on how to approach this so all input would be so greatly appreciated.

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